A Blue State of Mind

"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams." Oprah

My Photo
Location: The Western U.S, United States

I spent 48 years caring about what people thought of me. I'm not spending the rest of my life caring about that anymore!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

The "I" Meme

Found this while surfing the blog world last night. Unfortunately I can't remember the site and don't feel like going to find it. Anyway, it's one of the truest for of narcissism known to us (aside from our blogs which is the supreme form of narcissism). It's a meme but I'm not tagging anyone except maybe Jeni.

I regret: that I have never been to Texas stadium to see the Cowboys play a live game. On Monday night.

I always: fall asleep to music. Not television or reading. Just something quiet and restful like classical or David Lanz (New Age).

I long to: rent a cottage in Vermont or Maine during the winter months and spend my time sipping hot chocolate or hot spicy tea, cooking rich, thick pot roasts and curling up with mags and books in front of a roaring fire.

I feel alone: sometimes in my political beliefs because I don't fit the average "black voter" model. I'm gonna support the candidate that I feel has his/her correct views on the issues, no matter which platform they represent.
I hide: behind my weight. It's a protection method I picked up a long time ago. Only therapy will help me overcome it now.

I drive: defensively and courteously. And I do the speed limit religiously. My car's equipped with one of those black boxes. Do I really want to give the insurance company reason to deny my claim if I'm involved in an accident?

I sing: all the time and everywhere. In the shower, in the car, in church, at work, in the grocery store. I just open my mouth and blow!

I dance: only behind closed doors. My church forbids dancing except in church, so I don't dance (publicly).

I write: all the time. I have this blog, another private blog, and a journal of poetry.

I breathe: heavily, especially after yelling and screaming while watching football. Watching David Baptista also affects my breathing, but that's another post;-)

I play: Puzzle Express or any Tetris-like game. I can really spend hours playing these types of games. I don't know how to play card games except Solitaire but get me in front of one of Tetris or puzzle express and I'm staying for hours.

I miss: my Aunt Grat who died in December and my pastor who died in November. I miss my old church and I miss Sebastian.

I search: for the fair and right answer, no matter the popularity of the outcome. Doing the right thing will always be the best for all concerned.

I say: some of the funniest, wittiest things sometimes. It's my sarcastic sense of humour that either draws people to me or repels them. I've mentioned this before.

I feel: empowered when I'm wearing a black skirt, white long-sleeved top, pearls with matching earrings, and Quelques Fleur perfume. Nothing can stop me when I have this outfit on.

I've succeed(ed): in losing weight.

I've fail(ed): to keep the weight off.

I dream: that I'll have enough money to sufficiently retire. I didn't start planning and saving until eight years ago so I'm trying to meet certain yearly goals. So far, so good.

I sleep: with about four pillows that always end up behind or below me, a teddy bear I received for my birthday, and a life-sized cutout of Dave Baptista (no, I'm kidding about the teddy bear).

I wonder: what the people who marched and died during the Civil Rights battles would think of our society today.

I want: a car stereo that plays my iPod. I'm saving for December as my Christmas gift to myself.

I worry: about rising healthcare costs and my company's decision to continue to pass more of the costs to me.

I have: been very blessed and highly favoured. I've been up and I've been down, had both good and bad things happen to me, but the ups have never lost to the downs.

I fight: to prevent others from discounting me, either as a woman, a fat woman, a fat, Black woman, a middle-aged fat Black woman. I have to fight because I have nieces who are following behind me and although they have to fight their own way, at least I've paved some of the way for them.

I am: seriously wondering why I'm writing this horribly long meme. It looked cute on the other blog but now that I'm doing it, it's too long! I'm deleting some of these categories.

I love: watching my niece Butterfly sleep. She's so beautiful and serene. It makes me forget how terrible she's going to be when she wakes.

I read: a lot of magazines and websites-Ebony, Essence, Jet, Sports Illustrated, Time, Wired, Vanity Fair, Harper's Bazaar, W, O, Town & Country, Travel & Leisure, Food & Wine, Travel, Figure, Marie Claire, The Economist, Fortune, Businessweek.com.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Nothing To Write About

I have absolutely nothing to write about. Nothing. Blank. Just sitting here typing, wondering what to say that will be absolutely riveting and impressive. Something to bring you to tears, or make you say "Ahhh".

Something with a moral conscious, something that makes you say "What?!"

And all I can think about is eating the last of the two Chips Ahoy cookies.

Okay, those are gone. What next?

I suppose I can tell you what I'm doing tomorrow:
-cleaning kitchen
-laundry (particularly whites)
-Best Buy for a jump drive
-Macy's for jewelry (gold hoops) to go with new blouse
-dinner with bff Martha and her two boys

Here's what I'm doing Friday:
-laundry (sheets, towels & misc)
-shopping at AJ's for dinner (escarole, garlic, salmon, capers)
-watching Smackdown
-planning upcoming workweek

Don't you just feel sorry for me? Oh well, off to read and see what you're talking about today or tonight.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

The Best Of-My Opinion

I'm tipsy after watching the Dallas Cowboys SLAM the chicago bears. Thinking about how great I think the game of football and its players, I started thinking of the list of the best person in different categories. So, in my own words, in my opinion, on my own blog, here's a list of who I think are the greatest:

The Greatest Mother-Mine

The Greatest Football Team:

Two of the greatest athletes in the planet:

The Greatest athlete on the planet:

The Greatest Role Model:

One of the stupidest people on the planet:

There are a whole bunch but those will have to wait for another 'best of' blog.

In the meantime...Dragon darling, I need you to email me your shirt size. I'm ordering a Dallas Cowboys sweatshirt just for you. I hope to have this to you before playoffs 'cause I KNOW you'll need it to show off to your friends.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Introducing Mariah Arniece

Let it be announced that a baby girl,

Mariah Arniece

has entered this realm to await the 2nd coming of Christ.

Mariah was delivered into her mother's arms on

September 20th in the year of our Lord 2007.

Weighing 6 pounds and 8 ounces.

Mariah, may your days here on earth be

>wondrous, full of love and peace.

>May you love the Lord God with all

>your heart, mind, body and soul.

>May the Lord turn His face toward you

>and give you peace.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The High Cost of Protection

I don't know this gentleman. I've never met him, don't know any of his family or friends. He didn't attend my church, don't know if he even believed in God.
Don't know if he played sports, don't know if he watched sports. Until now I've never known anything about him but that all changed this morning.
Now he's famous. Now he's today's top news story and will probably remain in the news for a few days. All because this morning at 8:30 am he was shot and killed in the line of duty.
You can read the story here, but I can tell you all that I know about him is that his name is Officer Erfle and he's a hero that was silenced too soon. I can tell you that the shooting and his death has sent waves of shock throughout our city. Not just because he's young and has left a wife and two children behind. Not because he was "one of the good guys". But because his being a police officer who was shot before having time to draw a weapon by a man who was jaywalking is unbelievable.
Cop killing sends two messages out to the city: 1) the cops are going to be on high alert when dealing with suspects which means making the wrong move could be dangerous to your health. Couple that with being a minority or one of the usual suspects and you've got some serious cop-involved shootings coming. 2) criminals are becoming more violent and we as a society are now less protected. Think about it, if these criminals are stupid and uncaring enough to kill a cop, killing anyone else is easy, everyone else is non-essential.
I prayed for that family tonight when I read that Officer Erfle had died from his wounds. I prayed for his wife who now has to make decisions while dealing with the shock of suddenly being alone. I prayed for his children who probably don't understand that their father is forever gone. I prayed for other good cops out there patroling and serving while making a pittance for salary, everday they're out there keeping us safe and protected and they become target practice. And I prayed for our city. Senseless violence eats away at a society and causes fear and irrational behaviour, especially if the one responsible for the killing is a minority or "different" in any way.
On my way home from work this evening I pulled up next to a motorcycle cop, rolled down my window and told him I was sorry for his loss. The officer actually told me that he had just left a memorial for Officer Erfle, and spoke about the friends Erfle had and how he would be missed. And even though I never knew Officer Erfle, I will feel his family's loss.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Simple Pleasures

What an end to an incredible week.

No major events, just the simple, little things that make us glad to be us. Here's a short recap of my life this week:

>The Dallas Cowboys had an AMAZING season opener last Sunday against some other team up east. Their name slips my mind. Whatever, it's not important:-) And even though Tony Romo and the boys outplayed both Peyton Manning and Tom Brady, the only acknowledgement had to be in Dallas 'cause the nation's sportswriters are a bunch of haters. Can't wait to see them in Phoenix in February for the Super Bowl. Remember, you heard it here first!

>My niece Nicole ended an eight year estrangement and contacted us. We're making plans to visit her. Dragon and the Meloncutter have invited us to visit while we're there. I don't know about meeting Melon though. I'm not sure if my family can put up w/all the farts, and y'all know Melon's farts are legendary. Maybe if we meet in an open, windy area.

>I had lunch with my long-time friend Esther after a nine month hiatus. Our relationship is one that has lasted twenty-seven years and we've never had a huge, ugly drawn out fight. Mostly because she's always been the mature one and wouldn't put up w/my temper tantrums.

>My little niece Butterfly has spent time with us these past few days. She's sooooo amazing! She's smart, beautiful and has a sweet personality. Next week she's learning email. Just kidding. We're still waiting on that first word. If she's anything like her Aunt Blue, it will be "me". Smart kid.

>While shopping in the mall I was looking at fragranced candles on sale when a medium height man walked up beside me. I thought he was looking at the display too so when the sales lady offered assistance he said, "Just looking". At that time I looked up and noticed he was watching me. I smiled then noticed he was wearing a brown tee that read, "I love fat chicks". Oh the things I was getting ready to say with my tart tongue but I just said, "Oh!" Turns out he's a dancer and wanted my phone number. I asked for his instead and the saleslady who was watching all this quickly pulled out her pen and took his number and gave it to me. I threw the number away, but I sure felt pretty for the rest of the day!

>I spoke w/my niece Wilhela over in Vegas. I was telling her about the Empress and how she was going through tests and treatments. Wilhela was confused because I was talking about Empress like I actually knew her so when I explained that Empress is a Bloggie, Wilhela sort of giggled. You know that "poor Debo, she's really lonely and pathetic" giggle youngsters do? Anyway, I was telling her how brave I think we all are 'cause we put all our personal business out here on the web and complete strangers stop by to give well wishes or opinions, like a small community. While talking to her I realized that I do think about all of you, even those who don't stop by anymore.

>And now I'm sitting here watching cartoons w/Mooka. He's seven now and doesn't like me to get all mushy with him. I haven't seen him since school started in July so this is a real treat. I was teasing him about buying him a Barbie set for Christmas because Barbie's so pretty and he should have pretty dolls. Of course this is an abomination to him because he doesn't play with dolls but you know what he said? "My baby sister's prettier than Barbie, you too, Debo". I love that boy. He's smart like his sister. Hope he can play for the Cowboys when he grows up.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

All Around The World, The Same Song

Here's a new concept, started by fellow bloggers, Vic Grace, from British Columbia and Jeni. As we are all aware, blogging does give us the opportunity to reach out and yes, "touch someone" by our words, pictures, links in our blogs and by our comments to fellow bloggers as well.Think about this - in a world today that is too often filled with news of wars all over the world, fears about terrorism, following newspaper and tv news reports about crime, gangs, and you name it of all the bad things we hear about everyday, wouldn't it be a wonderful thing if we, each of us blogging in our own little space, could actually spread the word through friendship and help, through that little bit of effort, to bring people together, united in a common goal of international friendship?

If you like this concept - and who wouldn't, really - then add this badge to your sidebar, along with the link Vic has provided there. Then copy the text below and put this into a post on your blog. Follow that by tagging other bloggers to start sending this message around the world- hopefully, in less than 80 days too!

A good way for a blog to get established is to have backlinks. All you have to do is copy this post with the list of links below and add your link at the end.As others do the same we get the word out about a lot of great blogs. Eventually we may circumnavigate the globe.

That’s it, then just sit back, and watch the links grow, over time.
That's it folks! That's all you have to do to take part in the friendliest effort yet in the blogosphere!

Here now are the bloggers I am tagging to help get this movement on its way.Vic Grace at "Cariboo Ponderer"

Jen at "Creatif"

The Meloncutter at "Meloncutter's Musings"

Sognatrice in Calabria,

Smalltown RN at "A Place I Call Home"

Daydreaming at the Car Wash

Took my car in for the monthly car wash. In a land of little to no rain, I refuse to wash my car until the outside fog becomes too thick and impairs my driving. Okay, so that fog is really my filthy car windows, but still, as long as I can make out the shapes of the cars behind me, the car's good for another three weeks w/o a washing and I get to pretend I'm on an adventure in England driving during a foggy night.

Normally I keep a very tidy car. Nothing in it but magazines, an emergency kit, CDs, pair of shoes, 12 pack of diet Lipton tea, a plastic yellow school bus for Butterfly, two botles of water, car freshener, clean, empty 32 oz plastic water cup for the just in case moments.

I don't eat in my car so there are no food wrappers, discarded or old pieces of food, empty fasty food containers. I don't want my car to look like my room and because I'm usually the only one in it the car inside remains pretty decent.

I go to these places and just as I've done most of my life, I look at everyone and make up stories about them. Just like I make up stories about my fellow Bloggies.

Anyway, at the car wash this morning there was the usual assortment of folks: the requisite blonde jabbering on her Treo about how busy she is and how she hates the time wasted at the car wash. I swear, this lady was barking orders on that thing to some poor Elaine until I felt sorry for the other girl. The phone was probably off and the lady was just putting on a show. She's probably Elaine and has to wash the boss's car.

There's the executive in his crisp pants and perfect long shirt and matching tie. This guy even had his leather bottomed shoes shined while he waited. He also talked into his phone but just to remind his secretary to tell his buddy he would be in later that morning. He's probably the partner in a law office on his way to the golf course to discuss his latest client's line of action.

Then there's the cute muppie couple. She dripping in Chanel jewelry (the logo's all over this babe's body) while he's decked out in everything Polo. They didn't talk too much to each other, just sat quietly holding hands. They're probably having an affair and can only meet at downtown car washes where they're sure to remain anonymous. Did I mention they came in two separate cars?

There's the young buck with his nose so far in the Sports section of the paper he was oblivious of anyone else. He's probably a private dick spying on the afore-mentioned muppies.

Then there's me, the secret agent hiding in plain sight, knowing the case is finished now that the fog will be gone for another three weeks.
Photo courtesy of whizchickenonz

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

That Which Was Lost

I'm celebrating two things this week.

First, that I'll be able to babysit my little niece Butterfly (that's her in my Flickr badge) for the first time in two months. Now that her big brother Mooka has returned to school they're on a new schedule that sadly doesn't coincide w/my working schedule. I took a few days off from work and her mom agreed that I could keep her for those few days.

The second and possibly the greatest is that my niece Nicole contacted us on Monday, ending an eight year estrangement. Eight years! The last time we had spoken to or seen she and her siblings was at my father's (her grandfather's) funeral. Because of her mother, and as can happen upon the death of the family patriarch, the familial ties, already in a weakened state, finally yields and dissolves. So it was and still is with her mother, my half-sister.

Growing up, my half-sister and I were NEVER close. As adults we didn't see much of each other and most of the meetings were very civil, stranger-politeness events. Her children and I though, adored each other and loved each other.

The only tie that kept us together was our father and when he died, she never called, wouldn't return our calls and we accepted it. We did miss the children though and now here she is calling us! We're already making plans to go see her and her family in Atlanta.

Unfortunately she's also estranged from her mother and siblings who remain in Oklahoma. She said she and her husband were talking about family and a funny story involving us came up and a pain of loneliness hit her and wouldn't let go so she looked us up, called the number and here we are. We've spoken to each other for three days straight. She knows about my Flickr badge and she's emailed pictures of her six year old son and year-old daughter.

So I'm officially smiling because that relationship which was lost is now found. I refuse to allow another eight years separate me from my family. Life's too short.
Lucky for me, I found this great badge over at Jeni's who's awarded more Blogger awards than anyone I know. No other picture is more right for this post. Thank you, Jeni.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Memes #2

Meme #2 from Dragon is that I'm to find 7 words that begin w/the letter P that apply to me. Well, here we go:

Punctual-no matter the appointment, no matter the place, I hate being late! I feel tardiness, especially for a meeting, is a blaring demonstration of disrespect of my time. Another reason I hate being late is simply survival. Because of my wide girth, I want to be comfortable in meetings, especially at work. By arriving on time or slightly early to meetings, I'm able to secure a seat that's not located close to a byway or one that would cause others to have to go around me.

Performer-everyday I go to work to perform---in many different ways. First, I have to put on a fake face and pretend that everything's fine, that I never have bad days, that I'm glad to answer any question, no matter how STUPID. In this regards I'm a performer in that I'm performing a routine of wonderfully happy manager. Another way I perform is by driving my team to be the best performers in the Company. I don't do anything halfway. I'm not a mediocre leader and I don't expect my team to be mediocre performers. I place a high bar of success on my people and help them get there by showing up everyday happy to be there. See the circle?

Peaceable-I will never be accused of being disruptive, hard to work with, egregious or even troublesome. I was brought up in a very authoritative household where children were seen and not heard, and we are considered children until we're in menopause. Growing up, if I had any ideas or concepts not aligned to my parents, it wasn't heard. I went where I was told, did what I was told and never complained. When I became an adult with my own money and car, I was able to express my opinion, as long as I was out of my parents' earshot. I didn't start fights, walked away from fights and arguments and didn't incite arguments. After awhile I learned when to fight back and not be a doormat, but most of the time I'm a peaceble sort of girl.

Playful-I have a sarcastic-neck twitching-finger popping sense of humour. Couple this with a poker face when teasing someone and you would swear I was serious. I have put many a person in an awkward state by catching them in a joke or by carrying on a joke. My whole family is like this. We 'hit' each other w/some powerful barbs because we know it's only a joke. As a matter of fact, when my younger sister in law first met the family she thought we hated each other because of the teasing and sarcasm. We had to explain that we were just playing with each other and although she's been w/us well over seven years, we still don't tease her very much. But to everyone else, watch out!

Prayerful-like the Bible instructed, "Men ought to always pray and not faint." This was before MC Hammer's "We have to pray just to make it today" and both are still true today. The world is too horrible, disease and violence are too widespread, the threats of terrorism and of being outsourced too scary, the loss of my youthful good looks to ominous for me not to pray. Besides, that's my time to tell God how much I love Him and need Him etc so why would I want to miss that everyday?

Proud-I'm proud of my family in so many ways. My grandparents for rearing their children in a Christian home, my parents, aunts and uncles for continuing that tradition, my nieces in Vegas for hanging in there on their own, with little to no help from us, for my brother for becoming a pastor, for my mother for building her own home when my father was not supportive. Most of all I'm proud of me because sometimes it's hard out here for a fatty, no matter how smart, intelligent, well-liked and well-dressed she is. And rather than hide away from society I face each day with the same motto, 'If you can see it, you can kiss it!'

Passionate-cooking, Dave Baptista, purses, totes, the iPod, Dave Baptista, traveling, news, culture, art, music, Dave Baptista, being well-groomed, my family, education of at risk youth , saving money, taking care of my mother and Dave Baptista.


I was chosen for two memes from Little Brother Dragon and Jeni. It's Thursday night, my Saints have been royally routed by Peyton and his Colts and I'm full of menudo. Why not do the memes while I'm in a good mood?

The first, chosen by Jeni involves Rules:

1. Copy and paste the story below, and the rules, on your blog.

2. Find out who you're going to tag. (2-3 people, or more, if you wish)

3. Write one or two sentences to continue the story, and use the titles of the blogs you're tagging or any word(s) associated with them as keywords in the links you include in your part of the story.
4. Remember to tell your taggees that you've tagged them!
I'm not tagging anyone but I want to see how creative I can be. Check out Jeni's site for a really great example of this meme. Maestro, please.

Once upon a time in a not so far away land a princess worked Behind the Counter of a big company that wanted to conquer the world. In an effort to fight the conglomerate, the princess befriended a Dragon who would help destroy the conglomerate. The only problem was the Dragon was too busy spending his days floating Down River and thinking of More Unimportant Stuff or Musing about Melons to be effective.

One day the princess grew tired of waiting for the dragon to get serious about his tasks of defeating the conglomerate. "Baaa!", she exclaimed and left in search of someone else to help her cause. She decided to visit the great Empress for advice but when she arrived at Empress' a note on the door advised visitors that the Empress would be visiting Carito's World for the next few days and could not be reached.

Dismayed and feeling almost dispirited, she remembered, "Hey, I Am Woman!, not a little Sarcastic Fringehead. I can do this by myself" Armed with a camera borrowed from Sarala and other ammunition picked up from Sugar's, she marched off to vanquish the conglomerate. Sadly, the princess was badly beaten by the conglomerate and was sent to the Unemployment Cafe.
Picture courtesy of www.suburbanchicagonews.com

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Las Vegas-Part Two

Day three and we're getting ready for the baby shower. Bean's been up since 7a cooking Spanish rice (arroz) and beef enchiladas. Wilhela is nervous that no one will show up (pregnant nerves all over the place), Shauna's wondering how we're going to transport two large ice chests, two fold out tables and all that food. I'm wondering why my three genius nieces thought to have the baby shower outside. In August. In the middle of the day.

So, Jenny comes over w/her SUV and they start piling things in. All that's left for me to bring is the veggie tray. We're off and Wilhela's becoming more nervous by the minute.

I can understand, it's nerve-wrecking knowing that people are doing things just for you. But if no one else shows, she has her sisters, her sister's best friend, her favourite aunt, and her boyfriend's sister to keep her company and eat.

We get to the place and it's huge and shaded and the wind's blowing, Halleluyah!! I won't have to go to hospital for heat exhaustion!! God really loves me, y'all:-D

So, with the wind really blowing, we decorate and people start showing up. The shower was awesome. Wilhela received wonderful gifts but not enough clothes for the baby. So, I ordered some and had them shipped. While I was in Vegas we went to Burlington Coat Factory and Wilhela chose the bassinett SHE wanted (long story) and I bought some extra blankets.

After the shower Bean and I had our toesies done (I'm seeing a trend here). This time I went with a daring red, a colour I seldom use because I don't want to draw too much attention to my fat Flintstones feet but hey, you only live one. So without further ado, here are my newly coiffed and painted feet.