A Blue State of Mind

"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams." Oprah

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Location: The Western U.S, United States

I spent 48 years caring about what people thought of me. I'm not spending the rest of my life caring about that anymore!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Straddling The Fence

Okay, I've got some important upcoming decisions to make and I just can't seem to make a decision.

Should I or shouldn't I?

I've listed all of the pros and cons to see which outweighs which but the list seems to equal the other. I've tossed the same coin about fourteen times each time but that didn't work either.

If I choose one side will I hurt the other? Am I basing my decision on one side because of recent popularity?

Enough! I've struggled with this too long and my life's too short. I'm voting for Brett Farve as Pro Bowl quarterback for 2007. I only hope Tony Romo will forgive me.


Saturday, November 24, 2007

An Exhausting Month

It's probably evident from my lack of posts this month that I've been away from my posting duties. I'll give you a recap of some of the events in my little bitty part of the world in my small, full life.

I've accepted a position in my company that's a lot more challenging. I had to be coaxed to leave my comfortable position and join this new team that the two previous leaders unsuccessfully led. I'm not sure what type of change I can bring about but I'm going to give it the college try.

Joining the team, leaving my team, moving desks, changing my work schedule has impacted my sleep, meal and bathroom schedules. And while it should be an easy thing to accomplish, training my body to a new bathroom schedule has been difficult and humourous.

My mother has developed a skin condition that is worrying us silly, especially because she refuses to go to the doctor. Someone, tell me how one of the smartest, most sensible-thinkers in the world suddenly develops a fear so intense that she'd rather allow this thing that could probably have been contained w/medication almost encompass her whole chest area? My mother has never shown the fear that she's shown this past month. And no matter how much I've ridiculed, cried, teased, threatened or bargained, she didn't budge. Finally, miraculously, she has made an appt w/her doctor next week.

Without giving too much information, one of the members of my new team was viciously attacked and murdered by her husband. It appears the couple had been having troubles and had divorced and remarried only to end in this tragic way. So imagine coming to a new team and this happening. Think of all the stuff I had to contend with.

On a positive note, I've been able to spend more time with my niece and nephew! This has been the highlight of my month. We've baked brownies (they were horrible), gone to the park, shopped, visited and had fun!! There's nothing like being able to walk away from confusion and fragmented relationships to come home to two beautiful children and a peaceful home life.

So, as Melon commented in the previous post, I'm thankful that even though my Thanksgiving meal was spent away from most of my family, my mother is still here, my brother is in a peaceful relationship, I was able to see my niece and nephew again this weekend, and I have my health and strength. And that's enough, right?

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Following The Tide

It used to be, every year at Thanksgiving we would all gather at our small, three bedroom home and eat dinner. Momma, one of the best cooks in the West would work day and night preparing sweet potato and apple pies, turkey and dressing, green beans w/potatoes, greens and cornbread, fruit punch and of course...jellied cranberry sauce.

As we grew older Mom gave us more duties to help out with the dinner preparation. My sister helped with the baking and cooking, I helped with the vegetable chopping, floor mopping and dish washing. Mom took great pride in her Thanksgiving dinner and training a new cook and increasing the risk of a dish turning out wrong was not going to happen. As she says, "Now is not the time to ride a new horse."

We'd pile around the table, Daddy would say Grace and we'd each say our Verse. Mine was "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." Each of the children said a verse and the feasting began!

As the years swept by the dinner companions changed like the tide; it would swell and recede in that some years there would be so many folks we would have to eat on the porch, the other years it would just be four or five of us. And like the tide it was constant.

Early one chilly November morning, two days before Thanksgiving, my father died. My family swelled into town and filled our home. It was one of the largest Thanksgiving gatherings I had ever attended and except for missing my father, one of the happiest! What we didn't know then was that as we buried Daddy, the Thanksgiving tradition was buried in the same grave.

The very next Thanksgiving we went to my sister-in-law's home and Mom again worked magic by creating spectacular mouth-watering dishes. And while I worried that I wouldn't have a good time because the meal would not be at our small cramped home as it had since my birth, I just accepted it. After all, I still had my family, the food was still cooked by my mother and we all said our Verses.

This year we spent Thanksgiving surrounded by my baby brother's girlfriend's family at her gorgeous home in Peoria, AZ. The food was delicious, they allowed me to eat and watch the game in the den, and it was a pleasant time. I miss my father and my nieces in Vegas. I miss my sister who chose to have dinner with her friends. I miss my older brother and his children but I know this is just another flow of life's tide and although it's small, one day it will swell and be full again.
Photo courtesy astrocruzan