A Blue State of Mind

"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams." Oprah

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Location: The Western U.S, United States

I spent 48 years caring about what people thought of me. I'm not spending the rest of my life caring about that anymore!

Friday, December 28, 2007

Where Do We Go Now?

Benazir Bhutto 1953-2007

Monday, December 24, 2007

The Real Reason I Celebrate Christmas

Here we are at the last day before Christmas and I haven't finished shopping. I'm going this morning, I only have a few gifts to buy, and some odds and ends for Christmas dinner.

The 2nd "Triplet" arrived from Vegas yesterday. The last "Triplet" will arrive from Florida (she's visiting her fiance) and the guest list will be complete. My brother up in Idaho, the pastor, is unable to come down but he and his family plan on coming down next month.

So, while no creature but me is stirring all through the house, I wanted to tell you the reason my family and Christians around the globe celebrate Christmas.

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)

To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not; for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them in heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

And they came haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

Luke 2:1-16.

I'm doing my running around all day and the house is filled with loved ones, and I don't know when I'll be back, so let me say now, in case I miss your blog this morning: Merry Christmas!!!

Debo Blue

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Just Random Thoughts

Sitting here, perusing my faves and reading my news sites and I started thinking:

-Teen pregnancy is down but teen violence is up. Does this mean our teens are becoming too violent to have sex?

-Every other day in the news we hear one of the candidates or members of their campaign have made racial or religious slurs against candidate Obama. Are these desperate attempts to win votes or just cleverly disguised racial taunts?

-Are there any Black people who live in Iowa?
-Should Jessica Simpson be banned from future Dallas Cowboys games? Especially after wearing a pink # 9 jersey?

-Now that States are considering an end to the death sentence, shouldn't we send those felons to Iraq & Afganistan and bring our soldiers home? I mean how much are we supposed to do for hardened-not-safe-for-the-public people?

-Speaking of death row inmates, if they develop a deadly disease, should s/he be medically treated or allow the disease to take its course?

-Why do clothes dryers only break down during winter months? When every towel in the house is dirty?

-When I joined my current company some 20 years ago, I thought there were a lot of old people in management. Today, most of management is in the mid-30 to 40 range. Twenty years aog I th0ught they were too old, now I think they're too young. Is this normal?

-Why is it that when a person dies, the ones doing the loudest crying and wailinng at the funeral are the ones that never came to see them? That happened at my daddy's funeral-my niece who lived right here in town never came to see him unless she needed money or a place to hide out. When I stopped all of that, she shows up at the funeral acting like she's trying to be nominated for Best Actress by hollering and acting all up. And I know I'm not the only one who has seen this:-)

Thursday, December 20, 2007

The Day After

Well, I survived the shopping trip and hey, it wasn't as bad as usual for several reasons:

1) Mom tires faster now that she's almost 70. Rather than shopping a full eight hours we were done in six! And, we only went to only ONE Dillard's and stayed two hours!

2) We found great parking everywhere we went and the stores were not crowded. It seems the analysts are right-people are waiting longer to complete the rest of their Christmas shopping. I'm waiting too. Waiting for that next paycheck before I'm done. I've paid off my credit cards but there were some great deals that have me thinking about using one. But, as tempting as it is, I'll wait to get paid and pay now so I won't have to pay for the next six months.

3) There were not a lot of bad-assed children running around the stores destroying displays or screaming at the tops of their lungs while their parents smiled patiently rather than slapping their little behinds for showing out in public. Not too many kiddies, not too much scaring them by making faces at them while their parents weren't looking.

4) The teens were still in school or at the other hip mall. Of course there was the requisite youg couple dressed completely in black madly kissing at the entrance of one store while their friends stood sullenly by, jealous of the attention the couple received. Hey, get a room or at least have your friends record the action for your MySpace page!

5) We found attentive sales staff after only three tries. Wow. There's hardly anyone in the Cosmetics counter and we can't find the Lancome lady? Okay, ask that terrified looking gal over there. Oh, she can't help, okay who can? She'll find someone? Kay, does she understand we'd like to buy something tonight rather than over the Internet? Perhaps not. Let's ask this older lady whose face warns she's had a very bad life and it's not getting better. Oh, the young lady will help us now that we've found a peer? Yeah, tell her to fly a kite. Her chance is gone and she's a loser.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The Worst of the Worst

Today will probably be one of the worst days of the year. Today I have to do something I've dreaded the whole month. Nay! The whole year. I'm here, sitting in my quiet house listening to the quiet steady hum of the 'fridge pondering the greatest excuse to get out of this predicament.

What excuse can I use? Shall I say I'm too sick? Perhaps I should complain about arthritic knees? Migraine? They will know those are lies.

Maybe I should say I'm concerned about a noise my car started making and I want to take it in to be checked out? That's a good one but those sly humans will simply ask me to start the car to see if they can hear it too.

No, pending an earthquake or a surprise visit from a long-lost relative or friend, I'm stuck taking my mother and sister Christmas shopping. If you don't think this is such a bad predicament or that I'm being overly dramatic, read on.

Shopping with my mother and my sister creates an experience that can only be tolerated by meditation, prayer, reading the Scriptures and a large dose of Paxil.

Shopping with my mother is an all day experience. She will spend two hours in one store. And. Buy. Nothing. She will force me to try on various outfits of which I hate. She will try on twenty pairs of shoes, thirty dresses, look for costume jewelry, look at every handbag, each cologne/perfume gift set, ask my opinion on what gift to buy my siblings or nieces then just walk out of the store into another. Dear Reader, in your mind, repeat this practice for each Macy's, Dillard's, Penney's and Nordstrom's. Are you feeling me yet?

Down through the years I've developed many tactics and premeditated untruths to defend my not being able to go shopping with my mother but the sly gray fox grew more wily than I, successfully countering each untruth with a remedy, or thinly veiled threat.

So, here I sit, wondering what excuse I can use to avoid piling into the car on this beautiful bright, sunshiny day (sorry all you Midwesterners, I'm suffering in 67 degree weather today (apprx 46c) shame on me for complaining), finding the perfect parking spot "Can't we get any closer?", trudging from one store to the other "I want to see what they have in Dillard's before I buy this." to see the same exact purse/dress/shoe/cologne/scarf/slippers/necklace that we saw four hours ago in the other Dillard's.

I'll let you know how it turned out.
Photo courtesy Emerald2810

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Me & My Big Mouth

Let me admit something...I'm embarassed that I posted about my weight and my self-loathing. I am challenging myself to not remove the post because I can't believe I exposed myself like that. Immediately after posting I emailed Jeni and told her what I had done and I've kept the post up.
You, my regulars, have been supportive and I appreciate it. I just don't do this kind of stuff. If you need me, I'll be over here, wondering when I lost my mind.

Monday, December 17, 2007


Empress Bee, who's out cruising yet again, has posted on her site the pains and disappointments that accompany her family due to her son's continuous struggle with his addictions. She openly and honestly writes about her & Sarge's fears, and their undying hope that their son will one day be free forever.

You hear it all the time---celebrities and their addictions. The treatment centers with wait lines in the hundreds. Even the ordinary lives like Bee's son-destroyed or overrun by habits they just can't seem to break.

I've never smoked or done drugs. I'm not a recovering sex addict. I'm not a kleptomaniac. The one issue that I can never seem to master is this weight and dieting. I have been dieting since I was 12, when my mohter first took me to Weight Watchers. Now, 32 years, thousands of dollars and carrying more than 200 extra pounds I remain in the struggle.

I used to have a boss who once thanked me for not tsk-tsking him when he smoked. "I won't bother you as long as you don't bother me when I'm eating cheeseburgers and fries!" I'd quip. I won't bother you if you don't bother me.

The Queen of Everything, more commonly known as Oprah had a show about women who had gastric bypass surgeries and were now addicted to alcohol or sex because they had never taken time to address why they were fat in the first place. What were the fears or inadequacies that had forced them to overeat and not lose weight?

I've considered bypass and lapband surgeries but have chickened out each time. I've sought psychiatric professionals to help me understand why I'm fat. I'm still fat.

Addicts will tell you that they know the behaviour they're employing will one day kill them. Most of them understand tht they will lose their homes and families, their jobs and economic security if they don't change their behaviours but still they continue in that downward spiral hoping that when they hit rock bottom, it won't be too late to recover.

Fat people know that we will be subjected to public ridicule, that we will be passed over in many job promotions, that we will have to endure terrible and devastating illnesses caused by weight. And many of us still waddle through life, too afraid or too comfortable to stop. Let me introduce myself. I'm Debo Blue. I'm an addict.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Everyone has images that evoke thought, make us feel emotions or just leave us speechless.

I remember the grief I felt when I saw the space shuttle blow-up, the first time. I remember how sad I felt when I saw the picture of the little Vietnamese girl running naked down her village's dirt road after being attacked.

The mule drawn carriage carrying the body of Dr. King, my aunt Grat lying in state after losing her long battle with heart disease and diabetes, John Jr. saluting his father's hearse as it drove by.

The joy each time I'm able to watch "Mooka" and "Butterfly" playing in water on a hot summer's day. The picture of the Triplets enjoying their first snowfall in Boise. My brother receiving his ordination as Pastor of my aunt's church. My two nieces "Bean" and "Shauna" graduating from University two years ago. Me sitting in front of the Eifel Tower and "Bean" in Tokyo.

I have beautiful white cups that I use for tea. I love to fill the cup with water, dissolve the sugar then place the teabag in the water held down by a spoon. The ensuing beautiful vision is that the tea will begin to slowly seep out of the bag and remain at the bottom of the cup, swirling into little dark, cloudlike patterns. My current new tea is The Republic of Tea's Pomegrante and green tea. It makes exceptional patterns and looks so relaxing.

I was going to mention the vision of the World Trade Center but that's another blog about emotions to painful to go in to tonight.

Another great image? Read Dave's comment in the previous post about December's past. He's so smart and puts things in to perspective. I'm his Number One groupie.

My Favourite Things

Each Christmas and birthday I send out my want list. Some people think it's too presumptious to do that but when you're self-absorded like I am, people's opinions of how I get my gifts don't mean too much. Besides, why have people scrambling, trying to figure out what to buy you when you can just send a list of about 30 things you really want, hey? (That Canadian "hey" is a shout out to the memory of fellow Blogger Bob Johnson whose wit and dry humour is missed, even now). I'm glad that I forwarded his newsletters because I have copies of them to read every now and then.

So back to my list of favourite things:
-Tea. I love tea, any kind. I go to my local World Market or a grocery store and load up and the different and mysterious flavours each winter.
-Books. I love reading more than anything but music. Mysteries are my favourite, followed by cookbooks of foods from diverse cultures/countries.
-Music. iTunes was created for me! Finding some of my favourite oldies that I can download without having to buy the whole CD is awesome!
-Scented candles. Most women love candlelight. Make that scented candlelight and we've achieved Nirvana:-) I don't like food or vanilla scents. The fresh citrusy, mint scents really get me there:-)
-Cooking utensils. I had to start cooking, really cooking last year so this is still new frontier. I'm sure I'm not the only woman who had to learn to cook at middle-age so stop laughing.
-Crackers. I love cheeses so finding the perfect cracker to eat with cheese is a fun experience. Any cracker except the traditional saltines will do.
-Cheese. You need something to put on the crackers, hey? I must be channeling a Canadian ancestor. That or Bob's around here somewhere:-) Cheese spreads, pate, cucumbers, pesto, hummus are things I love to spread. The spicier and stinkier, the better.
-Handbags. What woman has enough? I've got my eye on the new Carly bag from Coach. I love most of Coach's new line of totes and I can always use another anytime.
-Cologne. I am a woman of many moods. Trust me. I am as moody as hell! So, I need something that can match me and keep up with me so I have distinct scents for each mood: when I'm being professional and meeting with the boss-Quelques Fleur. When everything's fine and running smoothly-Midnight Rain. For the contemplative, quiet days-Sheer Veil. When I'm kicking butts and taking no prisoners-Code.

So there you have it. Let Julie Andrews sing about puppies and string. I'm not ashamed to declare I want it all:-)

Friday, December 14, 2007

The Ghosts Of Decembers Past

What is it about the month of December that changes people? How can anyone looking at all the gay, bright lights and wildly decorated homes and offices be depressed?

When I was younger and didn't have the cares of the world on my shoulder, December was my favourite month. I even named one of my nieces December for all the joy and laughter and happy memories the name/season evoked.

Long before I paid rent and made car payments and took care of a household, I would welcome December with an unhealthy abandon. I'd charge every card to the max, leaving no credit limit unused. I stayed out at parties all night, dragging in bleary-eyed from an exciting round of parties, concerts and church revivals.

Back then, Daddy still lived on earth and Christmas dinners consisted of duck, cornbread dressing, ham, the requisite green beans and potatoes. We would go to bed with a few presents under the tree (we always had a tree) but when we woke Christmas morn presents were so many they spilled over onto the couches and chairs.

The weather was cold, frosty and humid. Global warming had not yet caused the cooler weathers to begin late in December. The thrill of seeing my breath frosting the night or day air could send me to Nirvana. And on the rare occasion of snowfall, I swear I had died and gone to Heaven:-)

In past decembers I received gifts and promises from a man that I thought had seen past my obese body and loved me. Cherished me. But just like the dew in the morning, he left when the sun lighted his dark areas.

Last night as I left the office I looked up at the dark sky, temporarily cleared due to recent rains and snowstorms. I marvelled at the clarity of the stars and the twinkling lights that decorated the nearby buildings. I think aobut how beautiful and alive the month of December makes me feel and I smile when I remember the ghosts of Decembers past.