A Blue State of Mind

"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams." Oprah

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Location: The Western U.S, United States

I spent 48 years caring about what people thought of me. I'm not spending the rest of my life caring about that anymore!

Monday, December 17, 2007


Empress Bee, who's out cruising yet again, has posted on her site the pains and disappointments that accompany her family due to her son's continuous struggle with his addictions. She openly and honestly writes about her & Sarge's fears, and their undying hope that their son will one day be free forever.

You hear it all the time---celebrities and their addictions. The treatment centers with wait lines in the hundreds. Even the ordinary lives like Bee's son-destroyed or overrun by habits they just can't seem to break.

I've never smoked or done drugs. I'm not a recovering sex addict. I'm not a kleptomaniac. The one issue that I can never seem to master is this weight and dieting. I have been dieting since I was 12, when my mohter first took me to Weight Watchers. Now, 32 years, thousands of dollars and carrying more than 200 extra pounds I remain in the struggle.

I used to have a boss who once thanked me for not tsk-tsking him when he smoked. "I won't bother you as long as you don't bother me when I'm eating cheeseburgers and fries!" I'd quip. I won't bother you if you don't bother me.

The Queen of Everything, more commonly known as Oprah had a show about women who had gastric bypass surgeries and were now addicted to alcohol or sex because they had never taken time to address why they were fat in the first place. What were the fears or inadequacies that had forced them to overeat and not lose weight?

I've considered bypass and lapband surgeries but have chickened out each time. I've sought psychiatric professionals to help me understand why I'm fat. I'm still fat.

Addicts will tell you that they know the behaviour they're employing will one day kill them. Most of them understand tht they will lose their homes and families, their jobs and economic security if they don't change their behaviours but still they continue in that downward spiral hoping that when they hit rock bottom, it won't be too late to recover.

Fat people know that we will be subjected to public ridicule, that we will be passed over in many job promotions, that we will have to endure terrible and devastating illnesses caused by weight. And many of us still waddle through life, too afraid or too comfortable to stop. Let me introduce myself. I'm Debo Blue. I'm an addict.


Blogger Meloncutter said...

Hello. My name is Melon Cutter. I am a Fartaholic. Also A recovering sexaholic. Been on the sex wagon for years. (cut off you know)).

For real... I too have had a weight problem all of my life. About 2 years ago, something changed in me. I don't know what, why or how but my eating habits just changed overnight. I have dropped about 120 pounds in the last 2 years. I think when the time is right for you and you catch hold of the change as I did, you will meet your goals. I still am dropping weight and I will hit my goal in about another 55 pounds.

Keep the Faith.

Later Y'all.

December 17, 2007 11:02 AM  
Blogger Meloncutter said...

Oh yes. I will never ever quit farting. I can't stop. I love it.

So there

Later Y'all.

December 17, 2007 11:03 AM  
Blogger SUGARTHEGIRL said...

Very powerful post! Very powerful! I hope that what happened for meloncutter will happen for you. You seem like a wonderful person with a great spirit and if losing the weight is what you want to do, you deserve to have it happen. :) Keep hope alive! :)

December 17, 2007 11:30 AM  
Blogger Debo Blue said...

Melon-just overnight your appetites changed? Amazing!

Sugar-thanks for the genuinely felt wishes. I know you know a whole bunch of sisters like me. How's the traveling going?

December 17, 2007 12:40 PM  
Blogger Shelia said...

Hi Debo Blue, glad that you found me at Meloncutters and came over for a visit, it's a pleasure to meet you.

You shared such an intimate part of yourself so passionately. All of us have something that we're battling. I just hope for you that while you are fighting this battle you health stays good and that you can stay positive.

I'll check in often and see how you're coming, and you're always welcome at Black Tennis Pro's!

December 17, 2007 2:18 PM  
Blogger Jeni said...

Debo - this was an outstanding post! Really and truly, it was, Girlfriend. My weight had been "inching" up for the past 18-20 years but in the last year, it has gone from "inching" to moving by leaps and bounds! For my height and build, according to the charts, I'm a mere 72 pounds overweight but it is more than enough to affect a lot of bits and pieces of my life. And like you, nothing I do to try to change my eating habits seems to work other than for the numbers on the scale to grow some more. Maybe you and Melon and I - and any others seeing this issue as part of our lives can form our own little group and work on this together. Misery loves company but success also like fellow travelers too ya know!

December 17, 2007 2:25 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

My name's Dave and I have other faults.

They say that's the first step. I don't know; but, for as private a person as you are to write this post, you want to take a step. From the comments, you have a few people who are willing to take it with you.

Could turn out to be a mile or ten. Get your walking shoes on.

All my best. And, cheese in moderation.

December 17, 2007 3:43 PM  
Blogger Kiyotoe said...

well my name is "The Dragon" and I have poor spending habits, I'm selfish, stubborn, chronic flirter (even in the presence of my woman), and my credit is HORRIBLE!

In other words, we all have stuff to work on. And one day at a time we deal with our "demons" and for a woman with as much faith as you have, I have no doubt that you'll eventually get to where you want to be physically or otherwise.

Trust me ;-)

December 17, 2007 4:36 PM  
Blogger Meloncutter said...

Hay Debo. One thing I did was I took dairy products out of my diet for about 10 months. I ate no dairy products at all. (I used soy products as an alternative but that's another story that you know too well.)

But It did change my eating habits drastically and that took off most of my weight. I do eat some cheese now and then now. I eat no ice cream and never drink milk now. But now I eat so much less than I used to and I never really thought about it. It just subconsciously changed me.

Try killing off the dairy in your diet (if your Doctor approves). I was taking medication that I could not eat dairy with when I started that. I noticed a weight loss at the end of the meds and stayed with it. But just overnight, my eating habits changed.

Hang in there girl.

Later Y'all.

December 18, 2007 4:17 AM  
Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

debo this is an honest post about a problem so many of us endure, myself included. i weighed 97 pounds when sarge and i married forty years ago next month, but slowly over time my weight has increased until i feel overwhelmed by it. i have trouble walking now because of it. my health is not good because of it. thank you for posting this honey...

hugs, bee

December 25, 2007 8:30 AM  

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