A Blue State of Mind

"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams." Oprah

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Location: The Western U.S, United States

I spent 48 years caring about what people thought of me. I'm not spending the rest of my life caring about that anymore!

Friday, December 14, 2007

The Ghosts Of Decembers Past

What is it about the month of December that changes people? How can anyone looking at all the gay, bright lights and wildly decorated homes and offices be depressed?

When I was younger and didn't have the cares of the world on my shoulder, December was my favourite month. I even named one of my nieces December for all the joy and laughter and happy memories the name/season evoked.

Long before I paid rent and made car payments and took care of a household, I would welcome December with an unhealthy abandon. I'd charge every card to the max, leaving no credit limit unused. I stayed out at parties all night, dragging in bleary-eyed from an exciting round of parties, concerts and church revivals.

Back then, Daddy still lived on earth and Christmas dinners consisted of duck, cornbread dressing, ham, the requisite green beans and potatoes. We would go to bed with a few presents under the tree (we always had a tree) but when we woke Christmas morn presents were so many they spilled over onto the couches and chairs.

The weather was cold, frosty and humid. Global warming had not yet caused the cooler weathers to begin late in December. The thrill of seeing my breath frosting the night or day air could send me to Nirvana. And on the rare occasion of snowfall, I swear I had died and gone to Heaven:-)

In past decembers I received gifts and promises from a man that I thought had seen past my obese body and loved me. Cherished me. But just like the dew in the morning, he left when the sun lighted his dark areas.

Last night as I left the office I looked up at the dark sky, temporarily cleared due to recent rains and snowstorms. I marvelled at the clarity of the stars and the twinkling lights that decorated the nearby buildings. I think aobut how beautiful and alive the month of December makes me feel and I smile when I remember the ghosts of Decembers past.


Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

that was a perfectly lovely post debo!!

smiles, bee

December 14, 2007 10:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm loving it!!

December 14, 2007 10:51 AM  
Blogger CaRo said...

Here the weather is the oposite. In Christmas season, here the temperature is 30 or 35 (celcius grade), is summer time. I often ask me how it may be if in Buenos Aires the weather chanche one year, and it snows in christmas time, I think I may love it. I love the snow. Here in Buenos Aires never snow, because is too humid (húmedo) the winter. But, this year, july 9th was not only the independence day of Argentina, we have too experimented something so beautifull, that no one could understand. IT SNOWS, in the city center, and the surroundings, and many other places allarround the country.It was wonderfull. The experts said that a polar wave convinated with a very cold time couse that one day of snow, in the province of Buenos Aires this is surprising, but in other places of the country every winter snows. One other time, 80 years ago snows. The day before the snow,all the people wanted more! It was beautiful. So I think that the snow in christmas epoch must be great.
Well, I think I writed a lot, I don't want to bore you.
Bye bye

December 14, 2007 12:10 PM  
Blogger Keith said...

You are beautiful Debo. I don't know you personally, and found you through Jeni and Dave the Lawyer. Have a blessed Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year. Many blessings to you and yours.

December 14, 2007 12:22 PM  
Blogger Jeni said...

Oh Debo - I hate to break your bubble about people and depression and Christmas but it is a time, often so filled with memories of people, places, things that can only be visited in the mind and sometimes, for many, that visit is just too painful. It sometimes takes a good bit of effort, depending on how my system is reacting from year to year, to "jump start" myself into greeting the season meant to be so joyful in that manner. It usually takes less effort now that I have these two little ones here to watch them experience the love and light of the season though -thankfully -but I have had some years that it took a lot, a whole lot, to get even slightly motivated.
And as to the Redskins -what's not to love about them anyway? Especially when you got hooked on them when they were probably at their lowest point ever back in the 60's! I owe Billy Kilmer and the 'Skins for having met my ex-husband too - without them I wouldn't have the great kids I have today ya know. I'll have to blog about how that came about sometime won't I?
By the way some people are constantly depleting the cookie supply I baked over this past weekend, it looks like with a new, even bigger snowfall due in here tomorrow and Sunday that I'll be back in the kitchen to do a remake on some of the cookies I thought I already had done up!

December 14, 2007 12:31 PM  
Blogger Debo Blue said...

Empress-Thank you Empress

B-pap-Go, girl. Remember what Aunt Debo said, kay?

Caro-Hola querida! El tiempo aqui is como el tuyo, mucho sol, pequito lluvia.

Keith-thanks for the warm and sweet wishes. I'll be visiting your blog.

Jeni-even though you're a Redskins fan, I suppose I won't hold it against you:-) You're right about the memories of loved ones gone though. Last year at this time I was preparing to travel to Boise to bury my Aunt Grat. She's gone, Daddy's gone, the Grandparents are gone. But thank God I still have Momma and the little ones.

December 14, 2007 2:17 PM  
Blogger Jeni said...

I have my kids and grandkids - one aunt who is 90 and doesn't really know me or my kids anymore so Christmas often at various intervals is truly a time of wonderful memories. Now with the two little ones, it has become, once again, a time for making new and equally wondrous memories. Now as to the Redskins and Cowboys, man oh man girl, you are asking a lot of me there. They are long-time, staunch rivals -Cowboys and the Giants, two of the most hated teams by any self-respecting Skins fan. How about I can respect your choice but not too sure I can say I "Love" the Cowboys. They've put so many whoppings on the poor Redskins ya know that makes it a hard thing to do.

December 15, 2007 5:28 AM  
Blogger Dave said...

"...and the little ones." We were them, one time. Isn't that what it's all about?

When we were at church, as a little one, singing maybe a bit off key but with joy in our voice. I don't know it; but, I think our parents had a bit of joy listening.

On Christmas Eve or Christmas morning, whenever our tradition dictated, as we wide-eyed looked at what was before us? Yep, the old folks were happy as they'd pleased us.

So, forget what isn't anymore, focus on the little ones. Sure to be a pleaser.

December 15, 2007 1:27 PM  

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