The Worst of the Worst
Today will probably be one of the worst days of the year. Today I have to do something I've dreaded the whole month. Nay! The whole year. I'm here, sitting in my quiet house listening to the quiet steady hum of the 'fridge pondering the greatest excuse to get out of this predicament.
What excuse can I use? Shall I say I'm too sick? Perhaps I should complain about arthritic knees? Migraine? They will know those are lies.
Maybe I should say I'm concerned about a noise my car started making and I want to take it in to be checked out? That's a good one but those sly humans will simply ask me to start the car to see if they can hear it too.
No, pending an earthquake or a surprise visit from a long-lost relative or friend, I'm stuck taking my mother and sister Christmas shopping. If you don't think this is such a bad predicament or that I'm being overly dramatic, read on.
Shopping with my mother and my sister creates an experience that can only be tolerated by meditation, prayer, reading the Scriptures and a large dose of Paxil.
Shopping with my mother is an all day experience. She will spend two hours in one store. And. Buy. Nothing. She will force me to try on various outfits of which I hate. She will try on twenty pairs of shoes, thirty dresses, look for costume jewelry, look at every handbag, each cologne/perfume gift set, ask my opinion on what gift to buy my siblings or nieces then just walk out of the store into another. Dear Reader, in your mind, repeat this practice for each Macy's, Dillard's, Penney's and Nordstrom's. Are you feeling me yet?
Down through the years I've developed many tactics and premeditated untruths to defend my not being able to go shopping with my mother but the sly gray fox grew more wily than I, successfully countering each untruth with a remedy, or thinly veiled threat.
So, here I sit, wondering what excuse I can use to avoid piling into the car on this beautiful bright, sunshiny day (sorry all you Midwesterners, I'm suffering in 67 degree weather today (apprx 46c) shame on me for complaining), finding the perfect parking spot "Can't we get any closer?", trudging from one store to the other "I want to see what they have in Dillard's before I buy this." to see the same exact purse/dress/shoe/cologne/scarf/slippers/necklace that we saw four hours ago in the other Dillard's.
I'll let you know how it turned out.
Photo courtesy Emerald2810
posted by Debo Blue | Wednesday, December 19, 2007
3 Comments:
I know it isn't funny but I sat here chuckling out loud as I read this -picturing in my mind's eye Debo trying to conjure up an excuse that would fly in the face of the "Sly grey fox." You have my utmost sympathy, kiddo! Truly you do! I used to somewhat enjoy shopping but now more as my back, my butt, my knees, my ankles all will be aching like toothache after a mere 1 1/2 hour grocery shopping trip to Walmart much less adding any other department type stores into the picture. Online with Barnes & Noble as been my true salvation this year! Good thing all my kids like books and most of the grandkids too. Those who don't better learn to love 'em cause I see this as the way of the future. Hope you survive it all in one piece.
You have my sincere condolences. I had to do this with the spouse yesterday. My therapist says in a couple of months he will have me back to normal. He has also hooked me up with a soy survivors support group. The have LITTLE meetings of SMALL groups to help us.
Its time to take my pill now.
Later Y'all.
and then one year they won't be there and you will be sad. just go and smile honey!
smiles, bee
Post a Comment
<< Home