Now Comes the Hard Part

Well, Pastor's funeral is over. The tension in my stomach muscles has relaxed. The shoulders are a bit less stressed and strained feeling. The only part of me that hasn't changed is my heart...it's still a bit cracked and continues to give signals to the brain causing tears to suddenly form in my eyes at some of the most inopportune moments.

I just don't know what I'm gonna do w/o him. I was with him and Mother Strong (his wife) and the Faith Tabernacle family for so long -18 years- that it's still a bit scary thinking about him being gone.

Now, in most church organizations the church board or some governing official would send a new pastor. In my denomination most churches are privately "owned and operated" by the pastor so the bishops can't bring in anyone unless the deacons ask for someone. And even then, we can either approve or disapprove the new selection.

My pastor has a daughter who was his assistant pastor but she and her family moved away. So unless the church approves her as the new pastor she will not return. The only problem with the daughter becoming the pastor is my denomination does not ordain women pastors and do not recognize women pastors.

Warning-Bitterness ahead:

My denomination, although comprised mostly by women (upwards of 75-80%) recognize women's importance by the amount of money they bring in to fatten the pastor's pockets. Our women literally make our church run financially, but as far as our worth to the church...only by our giving are we recognized.

There are HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of churches across this nation that were established by the contributions -both financially and physically- by women. Women have sold millions of chicken and barbeque dinners to buy church property, pews, choir uniforms etc and we have reared our children in the Sunshine Band, Purity Class and YPWW. And all we can do is lead Praise and Worship, sing in the choir, clean the church, visit the sick and shut-in and raise money for church and pastor & wife anniversaries.

I mean, some of the women are running Fortune 500 companies and leading high-performing teams but in the church world, our community oasis away from the world, we are nothing more than dumb sheep to be led by the wiles of our pastors.

So, knowing this and deciding this type of setup won't make me happy, I decided to find someplace that appreciates my worth. Alas, I only found that marginally in the church I've been attending so I pay my tithes and give my freewill offerings and support where I know my help is greatly needed. I no longer attend the national meetings nor do I attend the state and local meetings. Just Faith Tabernacle and now my pastor is dead and I am feeling bereft and confused.

I know God will send me somewhere and all I can do is what I've always known to do.

Wait on Him.