A Blue State of Mind

"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams." Oprah

My Photo
Location: The Western U.S, United States

I spent 48 years caring about what people thought of me. I'm not spending the rest of my life caring about that anymore!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Decisions, Decisions or Sometimes It Sucks Being The Middle Child

I going to have to go back to Boise for a few days or weeks. Mildred has been moved out of ICU but is too weak to take care of herself. My aunt Minnie has been taking care of Mildred for about four months but now Minnie is having medical issues herself. Minnie's doctor thinks she may have had mini-strokes and may have neurological issues. My aunt Mary is too weak to care for others so she's out of the lineup of resources to help w/Mildred while Minnie is convalescing.

I'm thinking of taking a leave from work to go up and help out. I haven't worked out everything yet but I am looking at how much my savings can bear with missing a few weeks of salary. Then once I get there I'll need a car to go back and forth because the aunts live about 55 miles away. The ideal is that Mildred is sent to a nursing home in Boise which will cut down on gas and time spent driving, in case of emergencies.

Each of my aunts have children, but they're not able to leave their jobs to care full time for their mothers or they live out of state. or they have small children who are in school. Right now I'm the best candidate but I have my own things to consider: I'm beginning a new job under a new Director and my leaving just as our new teams form could be a big monkey wrench. As honoured as I am to have been chosen for this new position, it pales in comparison to caring for my family. Long after my family is gone, this brick and mortar company will still be standing.

Sometimes no matter what you do, or how you live trouble always comes. It's like this: I get through one storm and I go out and try to repair all the shingles the heavy winds blew off. I fix all the leaks, brace up my little heart and relax then BAM! Here comes another storm. Those clouds I saw in the distance must have been the same ones bringing this new storm. I know in every life some rain must fall, but geez, let me have more time between storms!

I talked to BFF about my plans and thoughts and he thinks I shouldn't leave right now because of this new position and, after having already accepted it, walking off and leaving my Director hanging. Each of my aunts have grown children and those children will have to make changes in their lives to help their ailing parents like my family and I did. I just feel as the eldest niece I can't sit in Phoenix and not help out.

I've been trying to get to Boise for the past two years. This new position came up and I took it (I'd be a fool not to). Now it seems everyone in Boise that I want to be closer to may not make it. Yeah, I know I'm going way out and probably over thinking this but it helps to type it out. How cruel to finally make it to Boise to live and my aunts gone to live with their children in other states or dead?

Something will happen. I can't take care of every one's problems. I've been doing it so long it's foreign not to step in and handle problems. If life has taught me anything, it has taught me to trust in Him that never fails. I have to believe that He will work this out for me because only He can work it out. See, I just answered my own question on how to handle this dilemma:-)

"What a friend we have in Jesus.
All out sins and griefs to bear.
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer.

Oh what peace we often forfeit,
Oh what needless pain we bear.
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!"


Blogger Jeni said...

I think in the paragraph just above the words to the hymn you answered your questions to your dilemma. First off, you can't solve everyone else's problem, much as you are accustomed to doing and want to do. Sadly, it just isn't possible to be everything to everyone and be everywhere you need to be all at the same time. And then, you follow that with that you know who to turn to and who to trust and you will get your answer there for sure.

In doing this, things may not work out exactly as you would prefer but they will work out -eventually.

Here's hoping things turn around, smooth out a little bit for you -and especially too, for your aunts. Will keep you and them all in heart and prayer.
Peace, my friend.

August 17, 2009 6:31 AM  
Blogger Dr Jenn said...

You and I need to have a serious gal pal conversation. There are things I am not comphie posting here (and get blog flogged for) but I will say this... I was in your position about 10 years ago. I took the high road and put family first because my aunts grown children couldn't part with their lifestyles. I walked away from an 80K a year job (full benefits and a new vehicle demo), walked away from my family and friends in NY, walked away from my shaky relationship with Molly's dad, and did what was right. On my way out of town I saw a black billboard with white writing, it said, "-where do you think your going? -GOD" and I muttered loudly, "TO DO THE RIGHT THING". Anyway, 10 years later I finally escaped from Alcatraz. I will be willing to go into details in private about the nasty way their children treated me via phone and etc, but not here.

August 24, 2009 5:47 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home