A Blue State of Mind

"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams." Oprah

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Location: The Western U.S, United States

I spent 48 years caring about what people thought of me. I'm not spending the rest of my life caring about that anymore!

Saturday, August 08, 2009


Tonight me and BFF were outside walking and talking about nothing when I looked up at the sky and smiled. You know how at sunset the middle of the sky is that inky blue and the western horizon still has that layer of blush pink? I observed to BFF how much I loved this time of night because it signals a reprieve from life's battering ram of troubles and busyness that drives some people's lives.

To me, nighttime means quiet and stillness. No jarring cell phone ringers, no blinging and chirping cell phone alerts, nobody needs anything from you. It's just peace and quiet and the occasional upset, gassy stomach.

BFF has a completely different take on daylight. He feels sunrise signals another chance to make something better, to change or work on a situation. Daylight to him means now he's rested, has had time to think of new strategies, change courses, set new goals in place of failed ones.

To him, daytime means he's still living and breathing, brand new mercies are awaiting him at the crack of dawn. He'd rather meet challenges head on in the morning where he can see them, than go into the night with the worry and tension draining on him, wearing him down.

I told him that night time brings solitude and time to recharge myself to prepare for the daylight, not stay up worrying about what will happen in the daylight (although I've done this too much to mention). At night I can wash off my fakeness along with my makeup and be the real DeboBlue, putting myself first and forsaking all others.

BFF promptly protested that I could ever be selfish, I'm just too sweet. This is why we're buds-he knows flattery will get him everything:-)

I can't walk very far or very fast so BFF doesn't try to rush me, and lets me sit down whenever I need. He's the best walking companion! Very patient and considerate.

So, we're still strolling and he says to me, looking down, not really looking at me, that he thinks the real reason he hates nighttime so much is because that's when he feels his aloneness more. At night when he's home there are no phone calls, no silly conversations with his unselfish BFFs, no noisy, crowded restaurants, nothing but him and the TV.

"So that's why it's so easy for me to get him to do things!" I thought to myself. I was surprised and warmed that he had chosen to share that with me. His confession silenced me-the perpetual Chatty Cathy-and I couldn't think of anything to say. I just didn't know he was feeling like that. Was I too self-absorbed to understand that? Probably. I make him come with me to restaurants he hates, drive distances he'd rather not because of his poor night vision, and spend hours w/me at bookstores chatting and browsing the newest titles even though he's not much of a reader.

Wow, I've had my aha moment for the month. Here I am welcoming the darkness for the solitude and him hating it for the same reason! We're both complete opposites of each other in most everything from religious beliefs to politics to budgeting. I still don't know how we became fast friends. To prevent our differences from destroying a great thing, we don't talk or argue about them unless we have to and even then they're very PC. Ours is a delicate, crocheted pillowcase handed down from great grandparents that can be injured or destroyed with the slightest tug.

Tonight I made a decision to start asking him what he'd like to do and doing that rather than throwing out directives and expecting him to follow. I'm not going to be as busy when he calls wanting to do something, I'm going to go where he wants to go, and follow his lead. Sometimes.


Blogger Dr Jenn said...

Sounds like you have the ideal BFF and you are very fortunate there!And you have developed a great plan of action on further fulfilling your relationship!

I love how when the moment of "Aha" or "Epiphany" occurs it seems like that instant in time is the exact moment where you will spend hours of reflection.

August 09, 2009 7:40 PM  
Blogger Jeni said...

And here I am, back a second time today. I'm slowly trying to get the blogs in my reader read -big build-up there from no computer availability for 22 hours you know.
But anyway, seems like friends are on my mind today too as I finally got around to calling an old-old friend down in D.C. to see if she has the phone number for our mutual friend -my bestest friend -in WVA, where she returned to last fall when she retired. And yes, I got the phone number and e-mail address too for her as well as for the mutual friend I called this a.m. Things are looking up -once again -now in the friends department as I can now connect easily with both of these gems!
And those AHA moments or epiphany things as Jenn mentioned here -today was one of those for me as I remembered (finally) to call Emmawill and get Joan's number and got more in the deal than I initially was bargaining for -a damned good thing, that is!
Peace, Debo. For you and your BFF!

August 10, 2009 9:37 AM  
Blogger fermicat said...

I enjoyed reading this, Debo. Your new found insight can do nothing but improve things between you and your BFF. It makes me wonder what I don't know about PDM. He doesn't always communicate what he wants or feels; just gets mad when I am not a mindreader and don't do whatever it is that he thinks I should be doing. It's like swimming upstream - tiring and you don't get anywhere.

August 10, 2009 5:29 PM  

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