Self Centered

It doesn't take much to make me happy. I think. I'm pretty much laid back, an introvert trapped in an extrovert's mouth and body, wanting to be the proverbial wallflower but losing the fight most times.

I spend a lot of time thinking about me. How I'm feeling, how recent events impact me via my family, my direct reports, my neighbours, my country, my Christian beliefs. If there's an angle on how something impacts me, I'll find it.

Maybe it's because I've never had children. Although I've helped care for children I've never had to make those life-impacting decisions parents or guardians have to make for children.

There are a myriad excuses why I tend to be self-centered but the one excuse that keeps coming to mind is Self-Protection. The war against obesity continues to grow and every self proclaimed Soldier in the fight against the obese and obesity is beginning to get on my last nerve.

Headlines scream about fat passengers taking up two airplane seats and sucking up all the air. Insurance companies complain about skyrocketing costs of caring for the obese. News entertainers scream about how unfair it is that President Obama has nominated an obese woman as Surgeon General. How, they ask, is she able to lead the war against obesity when she herself smells like freshly fried chicken wings and hot sauce?

I am an unhealthy woman. I know that. Every time I wheeze after walking to and from my car. Each day that I sweat in cheaply made, bulletproof polyester outfits because I can't find my size in Macy's, Dillard's or any other mall store. Each glare or giggle from people in said mall stores, or restaurants, or grocery stores keep it at the forefront of my mind that I'm different.

So, as a defense mechanism, the wallflower develops a mouthy, "look, don't mess w/me and you'll have a great day" demeanor. That quiet, introvert becomes a drill sargeant who will ask if you'd like a picture rather than continuing to stare. It's becoming harder and harder to live out here but no one ever fainted because of difficult times. It makes us stronger right?

So I find the best of the cheap clothes that fit, get my toes done, have my makeup just right and walk out everyday into all the giggles and stares and overt hostility and I do what I have to do.

I'm not conceited, but I am self centered. I'm trying to get from day to day without you crippling me and if that means making me the most important person in my life, I'm gonna do just that.