A Blue State of Mind

"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams." Oprah

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Location: The Western U.S, United States

I spent 48 years caring about what people thought of me. I'm not spending the rest of my life caring about that anymore!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Walk A Day In My Shoes-4

Let's see, I've waken, cooked breakfast, showered and driven to work. This portion of my day takes place at work. It's pretty high level for security's sake but really it's just the internal dialogue I have about the job and people I work with rather than the specifics of the job. And a note to all my ADOT pals-especially Tim-sorry for blaming your dept for the speed cameras. Give me time, I'll find something to blame on your branch:-)

On any given day I have to pass through two security checkpoints to gain entrance to the building and there are cameras too. Each checkpoint requires a badge swipe and a badge should always be seen hanging from my clothing or I'm in violation.

Making my way to my work area I speak to whichever of the hundreds of people I pass, stopping to chat if needed or just the "Hey how are you?". I too work in a maze like collection of boring grey cubicles spread through two sections of buildings. We are given the freedom to decorate our desks any way we'd like as long as it's not scantily-clad people, political or anything that may offend someone. So walking to my desk I see lots of photos of families, pets, cars, and whatever kind of stuff people place on their desks.

My desk is sparsely decorated. I have three grey walls and a window. On the right wall I have a small year long calendar. On my left a magazine page of MLK and nothing on the center wall. I have two full sized monitors and a laptop but I seldom use the laptop's monitor because of the two monitors. I get a lot of inquiries as to why my desk doesn't have that 'lived in' look. My response is that too much stuff is distracting to me and I'd rather not display pictures of family like they were in a petting zoo.

On an average day I have from 28-37 emails waiting for me (I won't ck them from home) and receive more throughout the day. I should count them to see what the average is but it's not that big of a deal. I'm able to stay on top of emails and voice msgs. On a normal day I'm at my desk most of day however normal really is relevant. Just yesterday I spent five hours in meetings. I was getting text messages from my folks wondering if I was in or coming in. During a break in one of the meetings I was able to covertly text one leader and relay that I was in the building but in meetings.

These meetings. What can I say about these meetings? Are they all productive? No! Should I have to attend so many? No, but due to the upcoming layoffs the company leaders are feeding us information to take back to our teams in hopes of diminishing the panic that's gripped my dept since the initial layoff announcement. It ain't working.

I have three of my best leaders applying outside the company and two of them already have interviews scheduled! They're wanting me to tell them not to leave, that things may change and we won't be affected by the layoffs but I can't do that. I tell my people they have to make their decisions. I don't have a crystal ball to tell them who's going and who's staying. My main purpose for my folks is to keep them as focused on their performance as possible, to be that sounding post and to try and allay their fears and dispel rumours. And the rumours that have come out: "It's this dept first!" "No, it's that dept first, my best friend's daughter's boyfriend's cousin's baby sitter's fiance' works for a dentist who has a patient who works here. He told the dentist his dept is going first!" See what I'm up against?

And gets so overwhelming to me sometimes; constantly being asked "Have you heard anything yet?" "What's going to happen Jan 1st?" Or just dealing with the negativity and fear coming from my peers. I wish I could say it's not affecting me because I know that I'll move to Boise if I'm let go but it does. Sometimes their fear soaks over me like a leaking Mont Blanc pen in a crisp white Ermenegildo Zegna shirt pocket. I have my days when I wonder why am I working so hard for a company that's probably gonna kick me on my butt in a few weeks? Why should I give any consideration or show loyalty? The company's sure not loyal to me so why should I be on time or even do anything? Will they miss me at some of these meetings? No! I can stay in my cubicle and play 'mahjong' for hours, WHO CARES!! But I have to keep focused and keep going and just continue to do my job as unto the Lord until the change comes.


Blogger Keith said...


Your last sentence says it all. Do your best, as it is what God requires of us. You are doing that. Keep it up.


December 18, 2008 10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


that's just what I'm gonna keep doing.

Debo Blue

December 18, 2008 1:10 PM  
Blogger Jeni said...

Yep -the reason you're doing what you're doing is because the company has the faith in you to do what has to be done. About 10 years ago, the young woman who was our supervisor where I was working then had to "redesign" so to speak, our department. She did it knowing when she was finished that she was going to be the one who was out of a job -not the rest of us. Difficult, yes indeed, but she did it all the same -just as you are doing except in your case, you are in the same boat with your people in that none of you knows for sure where you're gonna end up -still working or in the unemployment lines. Peace, as you keep up the good fronts for everyone, including yourself.

December 18, 2008 10:48 PM  
Blogger Dianne said...

I worked like always to the very last minute for the co I now call the 'evil empire corporation'

it didn't mean much to them but it meant I was still who I am regardless of the environment they created

you're a really cool person Debo :)

December 20, 2008 8:48 AM  
Blogger Meloncutter said...

I can condense my days down to a much shorter story.

I wake up, have to work the day sucks. Come home and go to bed.

I wake up, off work, the day doesn't suck. Go to bed.

Thats it.

I am enjoying this series though. That helps take the suck out of some of the work days.

Later Y'all.

December 22, 2008 12:54 AM  

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