2nd Week and I'm Still Standing

Yippee!! Glory to God!! My 2nd full week returning to work and I'm still standing! The first week was as smooth as the skin on Yul Brenner's skull (may he rest in peace) and went as quickly as a bag of Lay's potato chips.

This week started out with glum news though. My peer lost her mom to a battle with Alzheimer's and diabetes. Our group received news that our positions are being reviewed for "re-engineering" with a high likelihood of our current jobs going away and us having to find other jobs within the company.

First, I feel bad for my friend because I know the struggles and changes she and her family had to make with the care of her mother. From accompanying her to the doctors to having her sent to a private home because the care-giving became too great.

Regarding the re-engineering...I'm sorta torn between a whole lot of feelings. On one hand I think being laid off will allow me to finally move to Boise and be w/the rest of the family. I want the quiet nights. The change of seasons. Snow on Christmas morning. Always being w/family for the holidays. Family fishing trips and picnics. Sunday dinner w/everyone (well, not during football season of course). Watching the 3rd generation of us grow and develop into adulthood.

On the other hand, I don't want to leave here and have no one able to take care of the house. Neither my brother and sister are currently employed so it's me paying the bills and taxes. If I leave for Boise will I have to keep the house up? Find renters? Sell? I'm pretty certain my brother won't follow me to Boise because that dull life will eventually kill him. Besides, his children are here and he can't leave them behind.

My sister? She lived in Boise for about eleven years and has been adamant of never returning to live. I don't know what she'll do but she's extremely resourceful and won't have any trouble taking care of herself. I just don't think she'd be able to handle the house alone. We'll have a family meeting to decide what steps to take after the company's decision is announced.

Then there's the fear and disappointment with finding another job outside the company. The last time I looked there weren't many exciting positions for middle aged women in this youth-centric work place. I'd probably have to start at the bottom of a new company and hope I could work myself up again.

But that's not what I'm going to worry about now. I'm going to embrace this change because it's inevitable and there's no amount of worrying, fretting or missing sleep that can stop it.

Cie la vie!