A Blue State of Mind

"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams." Oprah

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Location: The Western U.S, United States

I spent 48 years caring about what people thought of me. I'm not spending the rest of my life caring about that anymore!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Is It Really Better To Have Loved and Lost?

Tonight we were sitting around, trying our best to leave the office within some reasonable amount of time. While clearing up my desk and thanking God I might be able to get home before 11p, I saw an email from a girlfriend lamenting on her life after her recent breakup from boyfriend #too many to remember.

Girlfriend was writing to tell us she's doing fine and is better able to cope being alone again. She also commented that the break up had bright sides-she'd lost five pounds and she was able to commit full time to her music again now that afore-mentioned boyfriend had left.

I'm not too much of a romantic. I think I was during my early teens, especially after buying the latest issues of Tiger Beat and Teen magazines. Lordy! Do they even sell those magazines anymore?

Anyway, as a teen I was a romantic of the sickening kind, especially after hearing Andy Gibb sing, "I just want to be your everything. Open up that heaven in your heart and let me be, the things you are to me and not some puppet on a string." Oh the swooning that ensued after that song ended!

Each month I bought any magazine that carried a picture of Andy and stuck them to my wall. My sister, who shared the room with me at that time, groaned and complained, teased and ridiculed the special love that I had for Andy. But I didn't care! Andy was going to find me somewhere in Phoenix, propose to me on the spot and whisk me away to Florida to live in a compound w/his family. We'd live happily ever after, him singing to me and me washing that long champagne-coloured mane of his.

So, back to the original reason for the post (sorry I've been away folks. Working is both a requirement and b--ch when you don't work for yourself). Is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all?

My audience tonight was four guys and a girl. The guys all agreed it is better to have loved and lost. We girls agreed love, when it ends, is also a b---ch. I've decided that it's easier for men to get over relationships so they welcome each new one with open arms.

We girls on the other hand carry each relationship in our hearts, give it our all and have the hardest time getting over it, thus we rush less quickly into a new one.

Breaking up is hard to do. It also adds a new level of bitterness and distrust. Remember that song "I'll never fall in love again?" Sometimes I think that's me. I wonder if I'll ever fall in love again. Maybe not. Or at least not until WWE Champ Baptista finds me in Phoenix, proposes on the spot and we live happily ever after. Him wrestling me every night (wink) and me bathing him in body oil.

Good Lord, where's my Bible?


Blogger Jeni said...

Where is your Bible, indeed? Holy Rip Debo!
Having been married, divorced for 27 years now, a few "flings" here and there before marrying, after the divorce, etc., I gotta agree we both the males and females, first off that yes, it's better to have loved and lost but as you girls pointed out, for us, it does usually seem to be more of a b--ch to recover. But that too depends on how deep your emotions ran with the other party too.
It's not that I was a "hard-hearted Hannah" when my ex and I divorced, but staying together created so many issues, so much anger, hurts, etc., that when he left, it was actually a bit of a relief, overall. A couple years after that, I went with a guy for about 2 1/2 years. We were even engaged and I really thought I wanted to marry again, and to marry him -until he gave me the ring and then, I began to develop the biggest case of cold feet you'd ever hope to see. When I finally broke it off, believe it or not, I didn't shed a single tear - just moved on. But, about 9 years ago, I was seeing a guy I'd known for over 15 years, good friends but he was married. Then his wife died and we began to date. The difference between the relationship with him and the others was remarkable -for openers, simply because of the way he treated me. He was fantastic! And, I did really fall and fell very hard too. When he just pretty much up and disappeared out of my life, I was a total basket case for many months. In some ways, I still am, where he is concerned. I had no desire whatsoever to be affiliated in any way shape or form with anyone but him! Truthfully, I still feel pretty much that way as I can't imagine anyone else who I could feel that way about now. Of course, now -my life has changed yet again due to medical issues and although it would be nice to have someone close, I can't imagine that aspect ever being part of my life again but I don't regret having been there, having done that - all of it! If anything, I think it has made me a more empathetic person in the long run.

August 13, 2007 1:34 AM  
Blogger Debo Blue said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

August 13, 2007 2:05 AM  
Blogger Debo Blue said...

Jeni- why then, do we continue to put ourselves out there?

Because we're all waiting for "some enchanted evening when we will see a stranger across a crowded room."

You can try hiding behind your illness just as I've tried hiding behind my fat...it won't work all the time.

Love is wonderful. Human touch, companionship, nostril-flaring romance. I love Love but boy it can suck too.

August 13, 2007 2:07 AM  
Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

i love your writing debo! you really have a wonderful way with words honey...

smiles, bee

August 13, 2007 7:37 AM  
Blogger Smalltown RN said...

i haven't been around for awhile but as Bee says you have a special way of saying things.....I am still a romantic...I was never into teen beat and never had crushes on singers ....I love David Bowie but never had a crush...love his music...then there was Elton John...gay so there you go....then Micheal Jackson in his hayday...enjoyed Thriller and the like that was just entertaining....but back to being a romantic...I still love for my hubby to do things just because I do them for him...I love to give him back massages as he also rubs my head when we lay on the couch....I like to go to our special spot and just watch the shoreline birds and the tides come in and out....or watch the sunsets and cruise ships while hubby and I talk about our future. I have had good and bad relationships...ones that I felt crushed...I learn't from them and moved on...I think I subconciously gave myself a week of mourning if that and then moved on......

Welcome back!

August 13, 2007 10:21 AM  
Blogger Kiyotoe said...

well, the Dragon's take on it is this......if you've never been in love, then absolutely it's better to have and loved and lost. But if you've already loved and lost that love, then HECK NO it's not better than never loving at all.

who needs all that drama, heartache and pain when you can be out there having a good ol' time minus the obligations, responsibility, and restrictions of a love relationship?

by the way, I am happily involved with someone i love very much and wouldn't trade her or our situation for anything in the world.

(just in case she sees this ;)

August 13, 2007 1:54 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

Hulk Hogan isn't the champ?

August 13, 2007 2:36 PM  
Blogger sarala said...

My romantic life is tame and I work for myself. Makes things easy doesn't it?
Glad to see you posting.

August 13, 2007 10:17 PM  
Blogger Blu Jewel said...

LOL @ Where' my Bible!!

I've been the rounds in this department and have done both the tearing and the cheering when the relationship ended. I think it depends on whom you were with as to how you react when it's over.

Having been single for the past 18 months or so, I can see how much I've grown and how much better a person I am. I won't lie and say I dont miss the intimacy and such, but at least now I've had time to simply be and do me.

Sometimes that what people need; time out to heal, grow, and then move on. All too often we jump from relationship to relationship without giving ourselves time to breath and figure out the pros/cons of being with someone.

Love is a learning experience as well as a joyful one when with the right person. But before we go looking for love, we must first truly love ourselves. And we must love as the Bible says we should...unselfishly. Love is not a pocession; it's an emotion...and a transitory one at that..."in/out" of love.

Knowing our love potential and our love quotient is some hard math. Are we able to pass?

August 15, 2007 5:07 AM  
Blogger Jeni said...

To add a bit more -after reading Blu Jewel's comments - I think a lot of my own issues over the years centered around not being comfortable within myself. Therefore, I had this belief going on that I wasn't complete unless I had a man in my life -for whatever reasons. My older daughter has issues along the same lines.

Today, I have regrets, certainly -that the marriage fell apart, because I also really don't believe in marriage and then, at the first problem, well, just leave and divorce. (There does seem to be a whole lot more people today who do operate in that manner, ya know.) But, divorce actually was the best thing in the long run for him and for me. I learned from that and from the last relationship that in reality, I hadn't cared enough about myself to be a good spouse and truthfully, I don't think I really "loved" him either -or not the way or as much as one should care for another to be in that deep a relationship.

I really don't think I ever experienced the "real deal" of love until I had the relationship with the last guy and that is probably why it really hurt as much as it did when it ended. But I learned from it - mainly what love really is. It's a whole lot more than the basic attraction thing, goes way deeper and, if I ever encounter someone I can enjoy being with as I did with him, someone who allows me to be myself, someone who can give and take the feelings as it is a two-way street, then -and only then -would I even consider another relationship beyond a simple friendship.

I'm sorry things weren't able to work out between us,sure. But I sure as hell don't regret it because it was a wonderful ride while it lasted.

August 15, 2007 9:33 AM  
Blogger Maria & Stefano said...

It's better to have loved and lost for me...it's part of life...even though break up sucks so bad...we grow from it and we should learn...

Love is important...we need more love...

Love to you;)


August 16, 2007 8:19 AM  
Blogger Kiyotoe said...

Big sis, i just tagged you with some meme i got from skittles.

knock yourself out.

August 16, 2007 5:23 PM  
Blogger Jeni said...

Debo - I'm here cause Dave sent me - said maybe I could talk to you and get a few more blog posts from you soon! I'd like that too ya know. And, yes I know you're working very, very hard (too hard, maybe?) but I think you need to come up for air, share the wealth of your thoughts my friend!
Peace? or Peace!

August 17, 2007 8:20 PM  
Blogger Debo Blue said...

et tu Jeni?

August 17, 2007 9:25 PM  

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