A Blue State of Mind

"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams." Oprah

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Location: The Western U.S, United States

I spent 48 years caring about what people thought of me. I'm not spending the rest of my life caring about that anymore!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Potty Humour


At the risk of running my regular readers away, I'm posting about some of the ideas or thoughts that generally pass through my small brain about public restrooms. No, my sense of humour is not going down the toilet (pun intended), I just have these thoughts and wondered if it's just me.

First off, let me announce that I have a strong aversion or dislike to using public restrooms. My immediate family and some close friends understand that I usually don't eat any spicy or drink more than a bottle of water in order to prevent causing any use of public restrooms. I have been known to drive home, then go out again, especially when I really have to go. So, what about working 10-12 hours a day, what do I do then? Well yes, I have to use the restrooms but I still don't like it.

Here's a thought:
-why is it, that when you really have to go and you need as much privacy as possible, that even though you've chosen the very last stall in a room of twelve working stalls, someone will come and use the one right next to yours? Sometimes I want to say to that person "You passed up all those stalls to come to this one right next to mine? Go away! I'm gonna blow in one minute and you'll be sorry!"

And another:
-why is it that the one time you've held off going because you were busy, when you finally get a chance to go, the cleaning crew has decided to close the restroom at that exact time?

Still another:
-if women are the cleaner sex, why are our public restrooms so filthy? Ours doesn't look like that at home, or does it?

One more:
-why do women use cell phones while on the john? Do you really need to let your caller hear you flush? You're gross and inconsiderate.

And the last:
-why do people have phone sex in a public restroom? Is there nothing too weird or wild anymore? This has actually happened to me and here come the explicit details....turn away now or don't leave nasty comments:-).
So I'm sitting in the stall, about 9:30 one night. Restroom traffic is light because it's late right? I'm in the handicapped stall 'cause it's roomier and it's situated at the end of a long v-shaped restroom. This hoochie comes in and I guess didn't check for any visible feet because I hear her go into a stall close the door and say, "Hold on."

I hear the zipper and rather than hearing the sounds of a woman using the restroom, I hear her say in a low voice,

"Okay, do it baby. Talk to me now." So you know my interest is piqued now, right?
"Yeah baby, two fingers now, I'm so ready for you!" Now she's breathing loud and hard and grunting and growling.

Now I'm thinking, (a) who is this skank and (b) she'd better not be one my direct reports! I hurriedly flush and get out of the stall waiting for little Miss Jenna Jameson to show her face.

Well, I guess she knows I'm waiting because I hear her pulling up her clothes but she doesn't come out. I lean against the counter and wait, I ain't got nothing but time. Finally the stall opens and it's one of my peers! What?!

She's all casual, speaks to me as if I hadn't just overheard her getting her jollies off, washes her hands and leaves the room with her head held high! What the what?!

Did I mention I hate using public restrooms?

11 Comments:

Blogger Jeni said...

Holy Moley! Part of me wants to say "I can't believe someone would do that" and then, I think about things that happen so often now and realize that yeah, I guess I can believe someone would be crazy or rude or whatever the heck would be the proper term and description of having phone sex in a public bathroom might be. It is really incredible to think people will do that - and more too I suppose.
Like you Debo, I'm not a big fan of public restrooms. Apparently my kids aren't either. Even when, in the case of my son, the "public" bathroom happened to be the one in his own house. LOL When his roommate's family was here back in November for a short visit and stayed at his house, occasionally he would come down here just to use the bathroom because ours here is at the rear of the house, door is pretty heavy, etc., and sounds don't travel as easily here as they would in his house where the bathroom is just off the living room and kitchen.

January 22, 2008 12:02 AM  
Blogger Debo Blue said...

I feel you and your son, girl! This hoochie acted like this was normal routine. No class. And she's a manager.

January 22, 2008 12:54 AM  
Blogger Meloncutter said...

First, I have been a bad influence on you I think.

Second, I think you purposely posted this to get me to rise to the bait.

Third, I am glad that you do not approve of this public display of sexual depravity. This speaks highly of your morals and ethics.

Fourth. That was HOT. I am so excited now. Have you considered writing porn and sexy novels?

Damn where is my flour and oil.

Whew. I don't even smoke and I need a cigarette.

Later Y'all.

January 22, 2008 4:17 AM  
Blogger Smalltown RN said...

Holy cow batman....I have never been in a public washroom where someone has used their cell phone nor have I heard any of what you have described....I must live a sheltered life.....as for public washrooms...like you....I would rather constipate myself than use one....but sometimes nature is to strong...I have found lately that most washrooms provide the seat covers and the sanitizers and air dryers...but I still like having the paper towel, because there are still a lot of people who don't wash their hands..and well I don't want to be touching any door handle....in our local grocery store they have sanitizers that you can use to wipe down the handles of the carts before you use them....someone was thinking.....but back to the public washrooms...yes why are some women so messy...why can't they make sure their sanitary products end up in the bin or the paper towel in the basket and the tp in the toilet.....it's almost like one of the 7 wonders of the world now isn't it.....

Have a great day!!!

January 22, 2008 7:44 AM  
Blogger Dianne said...

There's been a lot of hoopla in NY lately about fancy schmancy new restrooms
NY Times Article – NY Restrooms

many years ago, during my club days, I would have preferred the phone sex. I usually came across the real thing going on.

Love the 409 image - do they make a purse size!?

January 22, 2008 8:26 AM  
Blogger Kiyotoe said...

wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute!

You've gone all the way home to use the bathroom and went back out to commence your night out? Wow Big sis.

As for that nasty, low life, freaky, no class peer of yours........

Can you give her my number?

JUST KIDDING JUST KIDDING, don't beat me.

January 22, 2008 4:18 PM  
Blogger Debo Blue said...

MC: I really do blame YOU on my descent into this sharing too much. You think this is hot? You should have seen what I wanted to write Dave about my love for cheese!

Smalltown: I'm right there with you on the paper towels to open the door! PS-I like your term "washroom". Canadian, hey?

Dianne: they don't make a purse sized 409 else my life would be so much more easier. Thanks for sharing the article. I'll look it up.

Little Brother! I was thinking of you today and wondering how you were. Even stopped by your site. I don't have one of those site meters but if you do you'll see me popping in ocassionally.

January 22, 2008 10:21 PM  
Blogger ebony said...

Who ever said women were the cleaner sex? Ask anyone who's ever did any kind of cleaning and they will tell you that's simply not true.
How could you not say anything to your co-worker? Just a casual conversation? My first comment would have been--Girl, you know you tripping. or something. You're better than me. I would have gently put her in her place.

January 23, 2008 1:03 PM  
Blogger fermicat said...

You make some good points. I don't understand a lot of that bathroom behavior - what kind of parents don't instill correct bathroom habits in their kids? Probably the same people who are having sex in public restrooms!

We have unisex bathrooms at work and I wish we didn't. There are some things you don't want to know (or smell) about your co-workers. Plus I don't understand why people don't clean it up if they pee on the seat. How rude!

January 24, 2008 6:16 AM  
Blogger Lizza said...

Seeing pee on the toilet seat, aarrgghh! One of my greatest pet peeves ever.

That co-worker phone sex story was amazing. Interesting workplace you got there.

February 03, 2008 8:28 PM  
Blogger sarala said...

Phone sex in a public bathroom! And at work, no less. Uck.
I'm glad I missed that lovely experience.

February 09, 2008 5:25 PM  

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