Potty Humour

At the risk of running my regular readers away, I'm posting about some of the ideas or thoughts that generally pass through my small brain about public restrooms. No, my sense of humour is not going down the toilet (pun intended), I just have these thoughts and wondered if it's just me.

First off, let me announce that I have a strong aversion or dislike to using public restrooms. My immediate family and some close friends understand that I usually don't eat any spicy or drink more than a bottle of water in order to prevent causing any use of public restrooms. I have been known to drive home, then go out again, especially when I really have to go. So, what about working 10-12 hours a day, what do I do then? Well yes, I have to use the restrooms but I still don't like it.

Here's a thought:

-why is it, that when you really have to go and you need as much privacy as possible, that even though you've chosen the very last stall in a room of twelve working stalls, someone will come and use the one right next to yours? Sometimes I want to say to that person "You passed up all those stalls to come to this one right next to mine? Go away! I'm gonna blow in one minute and you'll be sorry!"

And another:

-why is it that the one time you've held off going because you were busy, when you finally get a chance to go, the cleaning crew has decided to close the restroom at that exact time?

Still another:

-if women are the cleaner sex, why are our public restrooms so filthy? Ours doesn't look like that at home, or does it?

One more:

-why do women use cell phones while on the john? Do you really need to let your caller hear you flush? You're gross and inconsiderate.

And the last:

-why do people have phone sex in a public restroom? Is there nothing too weird or wild anymore? This has actually happened to me and here come the explicit details....turn away now or don't leave nasty comments:-).

So I'm sitting in the stall, about 9:30 one night. Restroom traffic is light because it's late right? I'm in the handicapped stall 'cause it's roomier and it's situated at the end of a long v-shaped restroom. This hoochie comes in and I guess didn't check for any visible feet because I hear her go into a stall close the door and say, "Hold on."

I hear the zipper and rather than hearing the sounds of a woman using the restroom, I hear her say in a low voice,

"Okay, do it baby. Talk to me now." So you know my interest is piqued now, right?

"Yeah baby, two fingers now, I'm so ready for you!" Now she's breathing loud and hard and grunting and growling.

Now I'm thinking, (a) who is this skank and (b) she'd better not be one my direct reports! I hurriedly flush and get out of the stall waiting for little Miss Jenna Jameson to show her face.

Well, I guess she knows I'm waiting because I hear her pulling up her clothes but she doesn't come out. I lean against the counter and wait, I ain't got nothing but time. Finally the stall opens and it's one of my peers! What?!

She's all casual, speaks to me as if I hadn't just overheard her getting her jollies off, washes her hands and leaves the room with her head held high! What the what?!

Did I mention I hate using public restrooms?