A Blue State of Mind

"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams." Oprah

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Location: The Western U.S, United States

I spent 48 years caring about what people thought of me. I'm not spending the rest of my life caring about that anymore!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

I've often wondered why unhappy people can't or won't realize the strength and power they possess to change situations. Some days I feel as if I'm surrounded by some of the most unhappy, ill-tempered, never-finding-joy-even-though-they-know-things-could-be-worse kind of folks on the planet. I'll find myself, occasionally glancing up from my cubicle, watching people meander through the dept- heads hung low, no joy or pep anywhere- and just thank the good Lord that I'm able to recognize that my life can seem bad but it ain't as bad as others.
I work in a large dept and must interact w/people in the office as well as customers by phone. It's really not a bad gig, I've been doing it awhile. The job affords my travels, my accumulation of expensive purses, being able to eat wherever I want and it pays for my education. The job is challenging and seldom ever routine. My office contains the same kinds of people found everywhere: Joan the Moan, Paul the dumb plant, Helen the hater, Roger the uninvolved & uninterested, Barry the bagpipe...You get the picture. It's my function to distance myself from them at every opportunity because I refuse to play the "Angry Black Woman" role so many of my white counterparts keep scripting for me.
I have direct reports that are like workers everywhere and at the risk of exposing myself, I'll leave them alone...for the moment. One of the best things about having direct reports is being able to influence, in some small part, their personal lives.
At the beginning of this year I promised the Lord that I was going to be braver than in years past because I could see myself falling into that whole "woe is my pitiful self" mode and I refuse to live like that. So, this year I've committed myself (and my nerves) to doing more to change my life. I started by deciding to take care of me first.
The first on the list is to lose weight. I'm a big girl. I started this new weight loss change weighing 430 lbs. After coaxing my sister to go w/me to see a Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) physician and given guidelines I was on my way.
The 2nd goal is to get a higher level job. Now, I consider myself an intelligent woman. I keep abreast of business, sociology, sports and political news. I know that there are no big women in higher levels at my multinational company. And the bad news is my company is not in the minority, but in the majority. That's enough to keep any sane person where they are, but I made a vow to the Lord and I can't take it back! I have to do this for myself, my nieces, their children and other big girls like me.
Back to the WLS. That plan normally takes about a year to win insurance approval. Of course I'm still bewildered that they can't see that a 430 lb woman may need help, but at least I had the courage to begin the process. I bought myself some New Balance sneakers and started walking five days a week. At first I was only able to walk about 2 mins per day but two months later I'm up to 26! My goal was 30 mins by March's end but that's okay, by April I'll be able to walk 35 mins per day:-)
Then I started cooking my own meals and stopped eating at my favourite places (sometimes I miss Church's Chicken more than I miss boyfriends). I allow myself one 'fat day' where I can eat anywhere I want, but after the weight started coming off, I've limited myself to just once every two weeks. As of today I've lost 32 lbs and hope to lose more for the WLS. Wish me luck.
This is going to be such a good year for me, I can just feel it! Why would I walk around like my best friend just shot my whole family? Every day that God gives me I'm going to laugh, sing, have fun and enjoy being unique. I've got to, there's a large dept of people looking at me everyday and wondering how they too can always be happy like me:0


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