A Blue State of Mind

Two Pictures

2011-08-20T23:17:00.000-07:00

Has it really been almost nine months since I blogged? Wow! This is what happens when Facebook becomes a habitual, time-consuming, guilty habit. The need or desire for slowly and deliberately pecking out feelings, emotions and events has been replaced with instant connection to friends and family. This is my personal retreat far from the Madding crowd, so to speak.

I was catching up on my Twitter feeds and read one of my follower's comments that she hadn't blogged as much as she had Facebooked in a while and I remembered this blog and wondered whether it was stil open or had been shut down. Imagine my surprise that it's still here AND I still remembered the password.

Everyone who follows me here follows me on FB but most of my FB don't know I used to blog. Too much personal stuff I don't want them to know about me. And what I don't want floating around the blogosphere I keep in my leather bound journals given by my good friend James.

Something else that made me think about this blog was emailing pictures of Butterfly to my BFF Pete. This is her first week of kindergarten and I wanted him to see her all dressed and coiffed and fearlessly ready to leave her mom behind and go to school. I had asked her the night before if she were scared or nervous. Not this one! Butterfly was ready and more than eager to go and meet her new teacher.

Somewhere, there is a picture or painting of a little black girl all dressed for her first day of school. The difference between that little girl and Butterfly is that little girl's eyes are not sparking with excitement. Her face is not beaming with smiles and the errant skip or hop is not a part of her actions. That little girl's face is downcast and her face is shadowed by images of uniformed men in front and in back of her marching her up the steps of the school.

How brave her parents were, allowing her the chance to knock down segregation but I wonder if her parents were able to sleep the night before or were they up periodically pacing back and forth, wondering whether they had made the right decision. Did the mother give in and cry during the night? Did she get up and pray whether she should reconsider?

Those two pictures are juxtapositions of each other, and they stand to remind me of how far we've come as a Black people and a Nation. Perhaps I shouldn't make this a race thing although that's what it was back then. I have two cousins who are autistic. It used to be they were not allowed to attend public schools or were relegated to "the special little bus". But this year Daniel began his first year as a high school sophomore and his brother Shaun his first year of public school too.

I'm so proud of them. I'm proud of us as a Nation even with all this crap going on now. I'm proud of that little girl and her parents. I only wish I knew the picture/painting I'd post it as a promise to my niece and cousins.

Another New Year

2010-12-31T14:13:00.000-08:00

When I think about it, my idea of a new year has changed throughout my life. I'm pretty certain it's changed for others too.

As a youngster the new year meant another birthday with swell gifts, a higher school class level and another Christmas. Then, somewhere in my early twenties, the new year morphed into a sign or invisible milepost that helped declare my independence from my parents and the church. Every new year meant I made my own decisions, did my own thing because I was an adult. The year on the calendar confirmed it and being a coming-out-of-her-painfully-shy twentysomething the new year supported my efforts to "free myself".

Then my thirties hit and the meaning of a new year morphed from the years of being an adult to the years of living carefree and selfishly. Carefree and selfish about love and financial responsibilities, carefree about planning for the future, carefree about the impact of death. This all changed though the year I turned 38. Death snatched my father away and left me bereft, hurt, inconsolable, angry and for the first time that I could remember, afraid of the new year.

That new year I knew would be the beginning of the end of living carefree. I had my mother to care for which meant I had to become responsible with my money. I had to begin living on a budget, invest more in the 401k offered at work. I had to plan for the future for my mother and I so living carefree was erased and the new year began.

That same year is when I also faced the reality that I probably wouldn't have children and for that I mourned the whole year. New years were seen as timeframes to meet financial and career goals. To make sure my mother worried about nothing financially. That my nest egg could provide security and allow her to continue her lifestyle of traveling with family and friends, her shopping habits, her comfort.

Love alluded me and my youth began to fade and each new year brought new prescriptions, new warnings to manage my weight and new stresses from the job and other family members. Death was not fair and he was not kind. Each new year he came in and began loosening the closely knit family ties. My grandfather, a young cousin, three uncles, an aunt and my mother.

My mother died. And for a while, my future and my focus died with her. This was not the life I had planned for me.

It's like Death has caused me to fear each new year because now I know my family is being taken and the order, traditions, gatherings, love and security was dissipating through my hand like water. I can do nothing but wonder who will die this year? Where will I have to fly at a moment's notice, who will need help burying the deceased? But rather than allowing Death to cripple and paralyze me with fear, I'm making plans to see more of my family next year. To see cousins I've not visited in a while. To hold my family close, lose weight and every so often be carefree again.

So Happy New Year everyone! The Lord bless and strengthen you to make it through this year and all the joy and pain, loss and gain it brings.

Momma's Hands

2010-10-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

I saw my mother's hands the other day. I was driving, just motoring along and looked down at the steering wheel and there they were. The skin colour was a deeper shade of mocha and the fingers were fatter but they were her hands.

I continue to think about my mom. She never leaves my mind completely but here lately she's been at the forefront because the weather's changing and getting cooler. Cooler weather was my mom's time of year and that made it our family's time of year.

At the first sign of cooler weather Momma's "cooler weather" rituals began. And always the first ritual was reviewing winter church outfits. Momma would start pulling out last season's outfits, reviewing for tears and stains, and sorting into which were sent to be dry cleaned first. Next would be an inventory of her hats shoes and matching purses. And if she didn't feel she had what she needed? A quick call to Donna Vinci for an order. She made it easy to be prepared.

Momma did more cooking when the weather changed too, but this isn't an anomaly in Phoenix. More stews and dishes with sauces were prepared, including menudo and my favourite, boiled turkey wings and white rice.

So I was driving down the road, the windows down, radio blasting and I look down and see my mom's hands. Today they look like mine, not Momma's and I don't know why they looked different that day. Maybe it was the way I was holding the wheel. Maybe the lights hit them just right. It could have been because I was enjoying a cool 85 degrees, I don't know.

I will confess that I took Momma's hands and wiped the errant tears that had slipped unawares down my face. The sadness didn't last long. I was too busy thinking about where to buy turkey wings and when I should make the first pot of menudo.

2010-06-08T12:46:00.000-07:00

The kids are out of school for the summer so they're spending a few weeks with us. I took a few days off to spend with them. We've done the fun things I like doing with them in the summer: playing in the Kierland fountain, reading, crafts and getting wet outside.

They live in a home with large pool and their grandmother has a pool. When they come to stay with they only have the water hose. I sometimes feel guilty about taking them away from the pools, but because our swimming seasons last more than four months, I get over the guilt quickly.

I've also enlisted their help in cooking. Butterfly especially likes cooking although she can't use the stove or cut, she is helpful in making Jello cubes and eating my freshly chopped vegetables when I'm not watching. Mooka on the other hand doesn't share our love of cooking. He is content to repeatedly watch movies or play on the PC while we prepare everything. So he gets to clean the kitchen and empty the recycle bin.

Last weekend I made two types of Panzit and they were each a HIT! Today I'm trying a Mediterranean dish of curried chicken and vegetables. I saw this recipe on 'Simply Ming' and thought to try it. Hopefully it will be as tasty as it looked when he made it. I'm going to put one or two Thai chiles in it to give a zing because I love spice.

Here are a few pics of the kids at Kierland's fountains. Happy week!

The Fallen

2010-05-30T20:44:00.000-07:00

RIP Officer Travis Murphy, dead at 29. You can read the rest here.

Farewell Mother Height

2010-05-10T21:47:00.001-07:00

R.I.P.

2010-05-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

Friendship

2010-05-10T01:50:00.000-07:00

I sat there in the uncomfortable chair in that silent, stark room. The only sounds were the rhythmic whirring of machines and my breathing. Head bowed, wondering how long before I could leave this sterile, impersonal place.

On the bed a few feet away lay one of my BFFs trying to breathe normally and regularly but finding it difficult. Every so often she'd glance at me and smile weakly and try to apologize but I'd repeat again how I wanted to be here with her, to stay for as long as she needed me.

I again glanced at the time on my phone and tried concentrating on the game I had been playing on and off since I had shown up. I looked up as the nurse/technician quietly entered the room and I shut off the game and leaned forward to hear as she spoke to BFF.

Even though the previous tech had waxed too much of her eyebrows she shouldn't worry, they would grow back again and really, thin brows are making a comeback, right?

Sundays, the Best Days

2010-04-18T16:10:00.000-07:00

Well at least most of the time.

Today's no exception. I'm in the kitchen supposedly to babysit nieces Butterfly and Pie while my brother and nieces are grilling foodstuffs outside. Yo-Yo Ma's playing on Slacker, my nephew is tring to play soccer outside with his friends.

It's warm outside but not uncomfortably so. So this blog that was going to be longer has been shortened. I see two little girls who need to be wet with the waterhose.

Happy week to you.

Sting

2010-04-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

Nothing to post about. This song's in my head this morning: "If I ever lose my faith in you.."

A Thought

2010-03-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

One bad thing about vacations:
-they end

One good thing about vacations:
-they end

Weekend Wrap Up

2010-03-06T23:54:00.000-08:00

Another end to a great weekend.

This is the last weekend before the cruise so this was the last day to really get everything set up and complete. I was going to get my mani/pedi done today but decided to wait 'til Wednesday for that, just to make sure my chubby little Fred Flintstone feet are still fresh.

Dropped over at Dillard's and bought a cute and functional wide-brimmed hat. It looks like straw but is plastic so I won't have to worry about it crumpling and being destroyed in the suitcase. It's wide enough to cover my face and chest, so along with a liberal amount of sunscreen, it should help me not be burned. The first time I took a cruise I returned with a bad case of sun poisoning. All because I thought Black people didn't get sunburn. I've learned my lesson in sun bathing. Twice.

I also picked up some Clinique and sale costume jewelry today. I love jewelry and Macy's and Dillard's always have great selections. And, when these two stores have sales, they really mean sales and I can always find bargains if I shop during a sale.

My brother in Idaho is so nervous, and I'm tickled. This is his first cruise. He's always been afraid of cruising so when he decided to come with us on this one, everyone was in shock. When his passport arrived he was soooo happy! I spoke with him this afternoon and tried to help calm him down. He's read about the cruise ship that was hit by a rogue wave and it's bothering him. I've been assuring him that before this cruise is over, he will be planning the next one. I'm believing we'll have a great time.

Aside from Dramamine and Immodium Ad tabs, I'm all set to begin packing. Tomorrow I'll list the outfits I'll be taking with me, and Tuesday the actual packing begins. As always I'm cool, organized and prepared. My only concern is whether I really needed to buy seven pairs of sandals. Oh well, I'll return the pairs I don't take with me.

RB & Me

2010-03-05T21:37:00.000-08:00

Had dinner tonight with RB. We went to my favourite hangout Switch which was unusually busier than normal for a Friday night, but we were seated right away and didn't wait long for our ordered food to arrive.

We were celebrating RB's landing a new job after being laid off for almost a year. Last year my company laid off, or re engineered a whole lot of people. I don't know the exact amount but it was close to fifteen thousand. RB was one of those let go. We've remained in contact with each other throughout the year and it's such a blessing to see him relieved and happy about being employed full time.

After his nine month severance ended, he was blessed to land a position in a call center and he pretty much hated it. But he endured it because it paid benefits and allowed him to be flexible. He didn't complain about treatment from his bosses. He wouldn't anyway, but he just didn't like being on the phone. As a former manager, he knew that in order to move up, he would have to impress his bosses in the center and the easiest way to do that would be his attitude, attendance and performance.

The relief in his face tonight was reflected in mine because I had to deal with my friend losing his job (we held the same position) and the ensuing guilt of not being laid off with him. It was unbelievable the emotions I ran through with RB and others in my dept that had to leave the company, and I'm so glad he's back in a management position, and being paid slightly more than his prior salary.

Good things really do happen to good people.

Culinary Apprentice

2010-03-01T19:48:00.000-08:00

I've been sharpening my creative culinary skills which, being interpreted, means I haven't gone grocery shopping in a while and I have to use whatever's left in the cupboards or shelves. Today's lunch was a great feat even if I was the only one who thought so.

Regular readers know I'm a poor cook even though I love to cook. I love trying new recipes and adding twists to old standards. I love chopping vegetables, measuring ingredients, all of that. Unfortunately though, the end results are usually so bad even I won't finish it. Our neighbour's dog Psycho loves my cooking. His indiscriminate taste is rewarded weekly with leftovers thrown over the fence. Psycho's a pit bull and I'm terrified of him so his food is tossed to him rather than handed to him. But back to my cooking.

My cupboard's as bare as Mother Hubbard's and after a weekend of fast food and other bad-for-me foods I wanted to cook something good for me. Rummaging through the freezer gained a bag of tater tots. Searching the shelves netted a can of beef. I poured the beef atop the tater tots and added cayenne and black pepper. I noticed the beef didn't have enough juice to cover the tots so I decided to add leftover gumbo rue as additional sauce. Everything was placed in the oven for an hour et voilà!

While it's not the best or healthiest because of the carbs, I like it because it's economical and easy. And my brother ate some of it and didn't throw it back at me. I might try this again!

Water Water Everywhere

2010-02-28T02:36:00.001-08:00

It's raining in Phoenix again and I couldn't be happier! Rain and a full moon makes Debo Blue a very happy woman.

I know it's believed that a full moon is often accompanied by humans acting weirder than normal, but in my line of work it's known that it doesn't take a full moon to make humans act silly and foolish and rudely. And there's a standard joke in this town the more than three inches of rain can shut Phoenix highways down because our residents don't know how to drive in rain. I believe we CAN drive in the rain, stopping at red lights is what we have troubles doing.

It's way early in the morning, or way late at night depending how you look at it. I'm lying here reading. My window is open and I'm enjoying the breeze. I've even turned off the radio just so I can hear the sound of rain fall.

I know this weather is a nuisance for all the participants in the Phoenix Open but I'm selfishly enjoying it and trying to maximize my enjoyment of all things rainy and breezy because I know, without a shadow of doubt, that we'll be praying for weather like this beginning in May and lasting 'til October.

Karma

2010-02-26T22:55:00.000-08:00

Three year old "Butterfly" is singing at the tops of her lungs a compilation of Michael Jackson songs.

She's also congested and has a frequent cough.

I mentioned that she's singing didn't I?

I didn't mention that it's after midnight and I'm absolutely worn out.

Somewhere I pissed off someone. And I'm being paid back tonight.

Hold On-A Poem

2010-02-25T08:45:00.000-08:00

Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what u believe even if it's a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what u must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to my hand even when I've gone away from you....
-Nancy Wood

Seasonal Help

2010-02-23T17:52:00.000-08:00

"To everything there is a season. And a time and purpose under Heaven"

The Scripture is found in Ecclesiastes and simply means we're gonna have good days and bad days. Good seasons and bad seasons. A time to cry and a time to rejoice. A time for war and a time for peace.

When I was coming up (means growing up), we sang in church songs that foretold of hard, trying times. Times when the sun wouldn't shine. Times when we thought His face was no longer turned toward us. And those same songs promised that if we held on and didn't give up we'd make it through. Be triumphant. Win the race. Weeping may endure for the night but joy was coming in the morning.

I once was young, but now I'm old(er) and I've had to endure a whole lot of heartbreak and sorrow but you know what? My bad days never outweighed my good days. I've endured season after season. And I know for a certainty this season will change. I just have to hold on. Tie a knot in a knot. Keep praying and keep believing He's gonna make it all right.

Mozart, Me And A Little Night Music

2010-02-22T22:28:00.000-08:00

The migraine has gone. So too are the clouds, at least the big black piece of sky I can see from my window. The rain has diminished some of our dust and pollution so the moon's brilliance is so much more stronger.

Mozart's still playing but I keep hearing Stevie Nicks:
"Thunder only happens when it's raining. "
"Players only love you when they're playing."
"Women, they will come and they will go."
"When the train washes you clean you'll know."

My version of a little night music. With apologies to Mozart.

Mozart, Me and Rain

2010-02-22T11:16:00.001-08:00

I'm still in bed. Well actually I've come back to bed.

That migraine that started yesterday decided to stick around today so I got up and ate, took my meds, watched "The Princess and the Frog" for the eleventh time and snuggled right back in bed.

Mozart's playing on the radio, I'm surfing and updating the iPhone & iPod.

It's been raining on and off all weekend but our rain storms are not really storms. It will rain for a few moments, then bright blue skies until the next little "storm" comes.

Outside my open window I can hear birds chirp and dogs bellow. I smelled something burning a few minutes ago but don't know anyone crazy enough to be grilling in this weather. None of the houses in our blocks have fireplaces so maybe someone is grilling.

These spring showers will bring blooms to this otherwise dry and dusty desert. Then it will be time to start thinking about Easter. But all that can wait. Today is a day for whimsy, total selfish behaviour and resting.

My Toyota Woes

2010-02-18T20:36:00.000-08:00

About five years ago I bought a new Toyota. One of those cute little things that looked good and was economical both in value and costs. Of the two previous cars I owned, this was my first foreign made vehicle purchased. I had two uncles who worked in the Motor City for GM and it was drilled into my head to buy American to save their jobs and support American workers. Well, my uncles no longer employed, I decided to buy this little Toyota and haven't had any problems 'til today.

My car comes equipped with "idiot bells" that warn you when the lights are on and the engine is off. There's a bell to alert you if the key is still in the ignition when the driver's door is opened, even if the motor is still on. I appreciate these idiot bells because I was continually leaving my keys in my cars and having to have someone bring my other keys or find help opening the car.

So, I've been reading about Toyota's woes, and am anticipating Congress sharpening their teeth on trying disgrace Toyota but I wasn't that interested because my car was running fine. Plus, there's not that much Congress can do to Toyota because of their progress and prowess in the auto world (my opinion).

Today I was in the car and had turned off the motor but left the key in the ignition. The idiot bell immediately sounded and I promptly removed the key and set it atop my tote. I got out of the car as quickly and gracefully as a woman of my weight and girth could, I pushed the auto door lock and firmly shut the door leaving my keys and my purse sitting in the front seat.

Now, don't you think Toyota should install a sensory (idiot bell) that indicates to really, REALLY stupid people that they've locked up everything in their car? I'm writing my Congressman to start a recall.

Feedback Really Is A Gift

2010-02-17T08:27:00.000-08:00

Jeni was discussing this on her FB page this morning and it stirred memories of feedback I received for using too much cologne.

Jeni mentioned that some people, or one in particular, uses so much cologne that by the time he leaves the bathroom the smell has leaked out down halls and traveled from room to room, lingering long after that person's left. I personally love the strong smell of cologne, it's both soothing and sexy to me.

My father always used cologne. He wasn't a "dabber" either. He was a slosher. This meant he poured the cologne in his palms then sort of threw it on his neck, biceps and wiped the excess on his undershirts.

I remember him using a variety of scents but the two that I liked better were Drakar Noir and Givenchy for men. My dad was a big, strong, very dark skinned man and these two scents seemed perfect for him. Anyway, when Daddy was getting ready for church and had sprayed up we joked that there were never any birds around the house because Daddy had run them off because of all the cologne he had used. Momma was always fussing at him for going through cologne so quickly but it never changed. Daddy loved women's fragrances too and would wear it if he wanted. He was a big Black man, who was going to mess with him about it?

I used to spray myself like that because I liked it and didn't know any better. I remember when I fell in love with Emeraude, the best selling fragrance at Walgreens. I would shower in it. Then I discovered Avon's Sweet Honesty and Soft Musk. And I stayed with Avon for several years until one day I smelled Giorgio. Talk about life-changing! Here I was about to buy a $40 bottle of cologne and I was only working part time. I would spray Giorgio in my hair, behind my ears, in my shoes. I would even saturate a cotton ball, wrap it in foil and when I thought the earlier spraying had worn off I'd open the foil and voilà-full again.

Ok, here's where feedback comes in. I had used my boss' office phone one day and left. When I came back he commented that he knew I had used his phone because he could smell me on his phone. Well, I swooned because he was smiling and I thought it was sexy. It wasn't until his admin teased me about a month later how she had to wash his phone because he complained that the phone smelled so strongly of my beloved Georgio. And she kept the teasing, I mean kept giving the feedback that people know which elevator I had ridden because of the strong remains of Giorgio.

Well, that same week, almost fifteen years ago changed how much cologne I spray or dab each morning. I've long since left Giorgio and tried others. I don't have a signature scent, I tend to empty the bottle then move to the next one. But I have stayed with Sublime and Sheer Veil. And, I Limit myself to four sprays: one to each forearm, once behind an ear, one on my skirt's hem. Now the only way people will know I rode an elevator is if they actually saw me there.

Project Planner

2010-02-15T22:19:00.000-08:00

I'm one of those people who love to plan things. I plan most everything in my life within my realm of control. As early as my high school years I can remember being an ardent fan of planned events. God knows I didn't inherit this from my parents and most of my siblings love living in a controlled, chaotic environment. I have everything timed and organize activities that will work within the allotted time. Traveling is so much easier now that I plan out every last detail. No longer do I worry about what site I didn't find time to sight. And because of having to endure having my luggage lost in Little Rock, I even organize how my suitcases are packed.

I remember why I began organizing my travels- it was my first time to Portland, OR. My momma had cleaned and ironed some dresses she thought I'd need to attend church services but I left most of them home thinking they were too dressy for the occasion. Imagine how stupid and raggedy I felt when I arrived in my casual outfits surrounded ny some of the most elegantly-dressed women on the planet! I was horrified, Momma was embarrassed and I vowed then and there I'd never EVER let that happen again.

So the next year, for the convention I had begun planning what would be taken about four months prior to the trip. I inventoried my clothes, decided how many outfit changes I would need, which shoes would match, if certain tops could be worn withies than one outfit etc. Keep in mind, this was before the days you were forced to pay for your luggage so luggage amount and weight meant nothing back then.

Anyway, after listing the clothes and adding the required accessories, I planned which outfit would be worn in the mornings, and which would be worn in the evenings. I typed the list out and placed one in each suitcase AND carried one in my makeup bag. Does anyone remember carrying those cute little makeup/overnight pieces of luggage? Well I packed the list in that too just to make sure. I should have put tags on the clothes like they do for photo shoots but I wasn't that advanced back then.

And since then, every trip is planned the same way. My little jaunts to Vegas? Written out. My trips everywhere else? Written out.

Next month, if the Lord says the same, a few of my family and friends are taking an Eastern Carribbean cruise. And just like that second trip, I'm already planned, listed and ready to go. Spontaniery? Flying by the seat of my pants? Leaving things to chance? Not me. Y'all that can do it without planning have my respect. I would have to be fed sedatives if I had to travel without an itinerary and daily dress plan. It keeps me rested, it helps me stay sane.

Hello Young (and old) Lovers Wherever You Are

2010-02-14T21:18:00.000-08:00

Finally home after a busy day. A great, busy day though. Had an awesome dinner at Claim Jumper with the two kids and BFF Pete. Most of the tables were filled but service was exceptional nonetheless. Now we're all cuddled up watching the Princess and The Frog. I'm wondering who's going to succumb to sleep first- us or the kids. My money's on the kids LOLOL!

This song came to mind this morning and I posted it ony Facebook page. Here it is again:
Lyrics
Hello, young lovers
Wherever you are
Oh, I hope your troubles
They are few

All my good wishes
They go with you tonight
Yes, I've been in love like you

Be brave, young lovers
And follow your star
Be brave and faithful and true

Cling very close
To each other tonight
Yes, I've been in love like you

I know how it feels
To have wings on your heels
And to fly down the street
In a trance

You fly down a street on
A chance that you will meet
And you meet not really by chance

Don't you cry
Don't cry, young lovers
Whatever you do
Save those tears because
I'm all alone

Yes, all, all of my memories

They are happy tonight
Yes, I've had a love of my own
I've had a love of
My own like yours
I've had a love of my own
Of my own, of my own
I've had a love of my own

Summer Love

2010-02-13T18:16:00.000-08:00

Sitting out on the porch. It's a little chilly but not uncomfortably so. I've just placed about six stalks of bacon-covered asparagus on a mesquite and charcoal fired grill. The kids are getting their fill of grilled hamburger and hot links whole the adults wait for the asparagus and ribs to finish. Most of the others are chilling in the kitchen while the banana pudding is chilling in the 'fridge.

Summer comes early in the 602. Tomorrow's high is expected to reach almost 80 degrees and is expected to stay up for a few weeks. So I look at your pictures of snow (even the light dusting some of you received) and shiver and wish-ever so little- that I was there with you. Well, in the same climate. You know what I meant. But sitting out here, looking up at the clear black sky, listening through the open door to some of the conversations in the kitchen and I decide this is a WHOLE lot better!

Tomorrow's Valentine's day and love is celebrated all over the U.S. I love the idea of love. The business of love. The courage and strength of love. I'm very lucky and exceptionally blessed to be loved. And I'm not too selfish and self absorbed to keep it all and not reciprocate. It was love that saved me. For God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son. That whosoever believeth on Him should not perish. But they shall have everlasting life.

In Praise of Technology

2010-02-03T21:50:00.000-08:00

I'm typing this post from my iPhone for two reasons. The first to see if I can, the 2nd is because my laptop is way over on the other side of the bed and my watery eyes and runny nose have made my mobility considerably limited. Plus, I'd have to power it up, wait the few minutes to load up everything. Yeah, I'm that pitiful tonight.

I don't know why I've never thought to blog from my phone. I mean I do everything else; Twitter, Facebook, surf the 'net, play games, listen to music. The list expands as I download more and more apps. Last summer I was torn betweenthe iPhone and my Blackberry. I never imagined I'd find a phone to surpass my expectations and pleasures of owning a BB yet here I am, loving all things Apple.

This phone has really changed my life as it pertains to everyday chores and habits. I've long ago stopped buying CDs unless it can't be found on iTunes or downloaded from Amazon.com. A history buff, I've downloaded a daily history app, several games, an interactive app that highlights artifacts found in the Louvre, an app that calculates how many calories I've earned or burned and other things too private to mention. And where most of my music resided on my iPod, it has been relegated to furniture, having been replaced by the iPhone. It used to be I would only listen to the iPod in my room or with headphones. That all changed this Christmas when I bought an iPhone alarm clock radio from Sharper Image. Now I can listen to Slacker while I read or doze to any playlist I desire.

Last week Apple unveiled the iPad and like hundreds of thousands of people around the world, I watched and wondered if I would ever need something like the iPad. Probably not right now. I'll wait for it to be tested and recalled and updated before laying down $500. But I must confess-I'm SO glad I didn't buy the Kindle now.

Cream And Oolong

2010-02-02T21:41:00.000-08:00

I've discovered, having survived to witness my late forties, that life is cyclical. Sometimes it can be as smooth and calm as a comforting oolong cup of tea: full of variety and bursting with flavour. Other times it's as tumultuous as cold cream being added to a hot cup of black coffee: swirling and chaotic.

Starlight, star bright. First star I see tonight.

I wish I may, I wish I might,

Have the wish I wished tonight.

Early Monday Morning Thoughts

2010-02-01T05:52:00.000-08:00

Sitting here, breakfast is finished, Lemon/Chamomille tea is now lukewarm, I've checked the headlines of MSNBC, CNN, followed up on Grammy winners and fashion and researched the ongoing feud between Anderson Cooper and Wyclef Jean. I'm ready for bed but it's Monday morning and I'm up because I couldn't sleep. I've visited some sites I haven't been to in a long while. Fermi's feline brood look perfect, Jenn is blogging again (but I haven't seen her on FB in a long while), I've teased Dave about his lack of medical supplies but read Doc's comment for a belly laugh!

Several things contributed to my sleeplessness:

-I fell asleep with my window open and the ensuing dampness and cold that slipped in and surrounded my head and shoulders

-the gang(?) of feral cats that I've been trying to keep nourished were bickering constantly

-I went to bed around 10p, way ahead of my normal schedule of 1:30 or 2am.

So now here I am-morning hunger sated with ground turkey, eggs and cheese and the chamomille tea I received as a gift about a week ago. If I go back to bed now, I'll be able to get roughly two hours or more of sleep and be ready to start the work week all over again. It may not happen but I'm going to give it the old college try.

The Fine Art of Procrastination

2010-01-24T12:10:00.000-08:00

I like to believe that I finish everything I start, and having a strong work ethic, I turn in the best work. In other words, I don't do anything half-done, or half-assed.

So imagine my dilemma as I sit here, taking another detour away from completing an important project.

The report was initially done 1/11 but my boss (thanks to Divine Intervention) changed the due date to 1/22. Any normal, perfectionist as I would rejoice and improve on the work already done right? Right. What I didn't figure in was the death of Uncle Tony and the subsequent time consuming activities.

Last Friday I packed up some documents and my work laptop and headed home, determined to complete the report in one day. What I didn't figure in this time was having no desire at all to power up the laptop except to play newly discovered Spider Solitaire.

This morning I woke up prepared to focus on this project while everyone is asleep and the house is quiet. What I didn't figure in this morning was acknowledging that I just don't want to work on this project, or any project for that matter.

So now here I sit. The Colts are playing the Jets, the kids are running around screaming and getting in to things, and I'm hungry. And I've just discovered the document with crucial important reporting information is at work. Now I'll have to either go in to work or wait 'til tomorrow and turn the report in even later. All because of procrastination. A concept previously foreign to me and now I'm suffering for it.

Here are pictures from last week's family gathering:

In Remembrance

2010-01-18T08:50:00.000-08:00

"Discrimination is a hellhound that gnaws at Negroes in every waking moment of their lives to remind them that the lie of their inferiority is accepted as truth in the society dominating them."

Martin Luther King, Jr.

This Morning

2010-01-16T09:05:00.000-08:00

This morning I cooked breakfast for the growing number of family members arriving to the house who hadn't time to eat. Unfortunately, although I love and crave all things dedicated to the culinary arts, I'm the absolute worst cook in the house but there was too much to be done for the more able to cook.

Pictures were taken, fond remembrances of loved ones who have already passed through were shared and jokes about those who remain were passed around too.

Reverence, thanks and praise was given to God for the food and the hands that laboured for it and the hands that prepared it, and the unlucky ones had to eat my cooking.

There is no greater joy than the joy of seeing loved ones after years of only verbal and electronic communications. And if you are related, you can see similarities with others, and wryly compare your signs of aging against theirs, and worry that some signs of aging and or illness have erased vitality and youthful exuberance. But sitting there in the kitchen this morning and laughing with my family about memories and current economic woes (the majority of us are unemployed), and rolling my eyes when it's my turn to be teased and lovingly ridiculed erased all that.

This morning some of my family got up and begin dressing for the special church service. White shirts were ironed, black suits were ironed or touched up, shoes were polished or wiped. White handkerchiefs for the men were located and placed in suit pockets; grand, big black hats were found for the women as well as their black handkerchiefs. Cuff links snapped to, gold crosses on the pastors were draped into the left front shirt pockets and wool hats lint brushed.

All too soon the call for the procession began, more pictures being taken as everyone began to form the family procession that would lead to the church.

There are too many who are not here to name, but this morning we that are here have gathered to attend the funeral of my Uncle Anthony, 54 who died a week after doctors discovered lymphoma in his brain. Before this diagnosis, Tony was doing what he always did: running around here and there, helping everyone, being an asset to everyone who knew him, and just being one of the greatest men in this entire world. So, from Idaho, Texas, California, and Georgia we have come to celebrate the life of one who was so awesome and will be certainly and sorrowfully missed.

As my family walked down to the church I took pictures then gave the camera to my little brother to record what I will miss. This morning while everyone's at the funeral I will clean the kitchen and find something to do while I await their return and the jokes about my cooking that are coming.

It does no good wondering why death comes to some so early. And I've discovered it's no good holding your breath wondering which of us will be the next to go. You just have to thank God for allowing you to be born into the best family in the world (I'm biased), for knowing some of the sweetest, lovingest (I think I made that word up) folks, and try harder to visit family while we're on this side.

"Will the (family) circle be unbroken by and by?

There's a better home awaiting in the sky"

I've Been Here Before

2009-10-17T21:54:00.000-07:00

This happens every year about this time; news reports early Winter-like weather in the Northern plains of the U.S, two inches to a foot of unexpected snow is likely to fall setting records, weathermen & women warn little witches and goblins and super heroes to wrap up while roaming the streets looking for treats because snowfall is expected early Halloween night.

I read each of these stories and wistfully wish our were something more like our Northern States, especially when I'm sitting in my bedroom with a room fan blowing and hearing the heartwarming and periodical sound of the a/c kick on to prevent my home's temperature from exceeding 80 degrees inside.

I've been here before. I've been doing this for a very long time and know to expect this but why then I still growl and grumble about the heat? I really think it's because of a couple of things:

-I really love winter clothes. Last year when we went to Boise for the Christmas vacation I went wild spending money on scarves, gloves, sweater sets, socks, shoes...things I know I won't be able to wear in Phoenix anytime, unless I'm planning on spending an entire evening outside-in blowing wind during a winter storm.

-the idea of snuggling around a blazing fireplace, drinking hot chocolate laced with mint, eating sticky popcorn balls and watching old movies while snow falls prettily is the tip of romance (to me). I must confess that I have occasionally organized a gathering at a late-open Starbucks where we sat outside people watching and enjoying our favourite hot drinks. And there is the relief of knowing the roads won't be icy on our way home, but still!

So this afternoon we sat outside in 103 heat drinking our iced drinks and watching the kids play with their friends. We groused about the heat and lamented about living in the desert while I sat there on my porch barefoot, watering the bougainvillea and mesquite plants, covertly wetting my niece in the process.

The weatherman says we can expect lower temperatures this week, we are expected to be a low as 92 by next weekend but our friends up North can expect more snow and near freezing temps. I should be jealous but I'm not. I'm going to download some Christmas music to my iPod and change my screen saver to a fireplace and make some hot chocolate. Maybe I'll wait on the hot chocolate, it's too hot for all that!

Four Days

2009-10-15T23:46:00.000-07:00

Last month I took two days off of work to catch up with personal things that needed attention. I decided to do the same thing this month because last month I was able to wrap up a lot of things. This time though, I took the four days off just to relax, veg a bit and catch up on reading.

I mentioned on Facebook that for four days I:

-was not a mindless, colourless drone or cog working for the large faceless capitalist corporation

-was not going to care about other people's problems, it's all about me

-was going to eat anything I wanted (within reason)

-would go where I wanted when I wanted

Today was my first of four days and it went pretty well I think. Well it could have gone better if I had not slept most of the day away. Really.

First off I stayed up to 4am last night catching up on news and healthcare reform. This caused me to sleep 'til 9a and because I was feeling lethargic I returned to my warm/cool bed and dozed for another hour. Finally at 10 I felt okay to get up and start my day.

My sister surprised me with a breakfast of jalepeno bagels and chive cream cheese and more internet reading ensued. Which is code for napping just so you know:-)

That nap lasted six hours and here I am: up and wondering what to do that won't disturb the other residents of the house. I've some ideas:

-syncing my iPhone and iPod

-blogging

-catching up the lastest issues of Vanity Fair and Economist

-folding clothes

-Twitter and FB

Tomorrow

2009-09-24T21:59:00.000-07:00

When I was young, I couldn't wait for tomorrow. Back in those carefree days when my only responsibilities were studying for exams and wondering how to ask my parents for money for school supplies or Spring Break travels, I didn't worry too much about tomorrow. Tomorrow was coming and with it would come bonfires, college football games, all night study sessions, talking on the phone 'til one of us fell asleep.

After college I got my first real job. I had planned on staying at the entry level position for six months then moving on up the corporate ladder. After six months I saw the people going for the same few jobs and knew they would beat me at getting the jobs. They were taller, skinnier, knew the right people and had stronger skills than me. The fact that they were not Black, in my opinion, guaranteed their promotion.

Every six months I'd tell myself that it was time to find other jobs. By now I was as qualified as the other candidates, plus I had a degree, surely that would account for something right? Well, in my small little mind I still couldn't make the grade and so I'd put off being promoted for that other job, the one that would fall right in my lap.

Six months turned into two years, two years to five, five turned into seven at an entry-level position. By this time of course I had begun interviewing and finding mentors that could help but for whatever reason I was never promoted and for seven years I accepted it as my fate. If I could just be taller, thinner, straighter teeth, lighter skin THEN I could be promoted.

People liked me. I had a reputation for getting difficult jobs done within dates and correctly done. I was friendly but quiet, I was never in a clique but I understood the company's vision and business model and could communicate it at every level. The only thing I couldn't communicate was the message to my heart that I deserved better. My head told me that I was just as good -if not better than every other Leader or Manager on the floor- but the message that my heart heard was I was too fat, too black, too ugly to go for those positions Each of the pictures on the Leader wall showed young thin men and women with perfect teeth. None of them came close to resembling me, but the lower workforce at my level reflected me in their pictures.

So, seven years turned into ten, ten turned into twelve and I was promoted to a Leader at an entry level position. I worked hard to be a great leader, I have the scars to prove it. But it's been nine years and I want to do something else. I want to be promoted but I'm too scared to go for the jobs. The workforce has changed in twenty years. These new Leaders are younger, thinner and taller. Fresh out of college wearing their $200 messenger bags, swilling Starbucks or Monster and sharing intimate details of their dating lives in elevators.

Tonight I was sitting outside thinking of all the things I've wanted in life and didn't go after because I let fear paralyze me.

Tomorrow I'm going to sit down, take a piece a paper and in two columns I'm going to list the things I want right now. The other column will list everything that's stopping me from getting those things.

Tomorrow, 75,000 people who won't wake up. Their opportunities and chances of realizing their dreams will be over.

Tomorrow, if the Lord blesses, I will wake up and go through the same drudgery and routine I've gone through for the last seventeen or so years (some of those years have actually been pretty good) but tomorrow I'm going to put in some applications at my job into higher management level because one day, my tomorrow will not come.

In The Mood

2009-09-13T15:46:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those days when your emotions run the gamut from happiness and excitement down to nostalgic and sad then across to excitement and anticipation? That's what I've endured today.

Today began as an ordinary Sunday but rather than being excited about going to church (shhh), I was excited that regular football season started today AND the Cowboys' game would be televised in Phoenix! So off I go to church and I'm excited because the pastor is already up delivering her message and it's not even 10 o'clock! Then! Then I turn my iPhone to ESPN mobile and find out I can get play by play action! Shut up!

Now before you start tsk tsking me about watching the game in church, allow me to say I accidentally stumbled upon that ESPN site. I had read the Scriptures for today's sermon (Matthew 18:19) and just wanted to get a quick score update and bang! Play by play action. And Pastor's done and we're out of church by 10:45. This never happens! GOD LOVES ME!!

While I'm ordering lunch I get texted by my niece Michelle LeNair that her sister Anna's water broke and she's at hospital. This is bad news because the baby's not due for another two months. Her doctor wants to put her in hospital for the remainder of the pregnancy or at least in enough time for the baby's lungs to develop. The baby is a boy and Anna plans to name him Jeremiah.

Finally get home in time to watch the Dallas v Tampa Bay game. It's tense, back and forth in scoring drives but finally 'dem Boys break through, take the lead and stay there. I love 'dem Boys!!

I call and speak w/my aunt in Boise and she tells me she's leaving Boise for good. Her eldest son is coming this Friday to move her to Washington state. She's sure she won't be back to Boise to live because of her burgeoning health woes. She is our matriarch and we are all reeling from this change of events.

Tomorrow, although at the same company, I will begin reporting to a new Director. I will have ten persons reporting to me, about a third of them I've worked with before. I'm excited and scared about this new position. I know I'll get along just fine but those first day butterflies are swooping around in my stomach, even with everything that's happened today.

I love to sing. I love music, all types. I grew up on Gospel and Country, they are my first loves. No matter the emotion, I have a music type to fit it. Right now, there's this old Gospel song that seems fitting for everything that's happened today:

We cannot see in the future

We cannot see through dark clouds

We cannot see every pitfall

But we can march on by Faith each day.

On Monday, march on!

On Tuesday, march on!

Let Jesus be your guide.

He's able to carry the load

He can see way down the road

March on by Faith each day.

There's nothing I can do to help 'dem Boys win this season. The only thing I can do for Jeremiah and his mom is pray. There's nothing I can do help Aunt Mary because I can't stop time and its treacherous treatment of the human body. And the only thing I can do with this new team and boss is go in everyday working as hard as I can and doing the job as unto the Lord.

Everything else is in God's hands. He can see further down life's road than I can anyway.

The Demise of A Civil Society

2009-09-04T22:40:00.000-07:00

Are there no more polite Americans?

Have we become a nation of Jerry Springer audience members?

When did we become so rude? I know how hard it is on a fat person in America. I'm still surprised how nasty John and Joan Q. Public can be to fat people, and (un)fortunately (depending on your view) so do Health Care Reform town hall attendees. It is amazing, ludicrous, disappointing, mind-blowing and completely distasteful how Americans are behaving at these town halls! One guy gets a piece of his finger bitten off, an official is booed off the stage, freaks in Phoenix (oh joy, something else to add to my "I'm not proud to be a Phoenician" walk of shame) praying for President Obama to die and go to hell, and just today CNN reports a woman in a wheelchair is heckled.

What the heck?

It used to be you could expect to find hecklers at comedy shows or sports games. Or, you could safely heckle anonymously on the Internet. With the recent decision by Blogger to release identities of bloggers, even that's come under fire. "Let us heckle in private!" the public roars. "We have the right to our opinion be it nasty or nice. And we can do it anonymously!" Or, if you're FoxNews, you can heckle 24 hours a day.

Remember when "shock jocks" could cause stirs because of their controversial comments? Now we have shock jocks appearing everywhere! When is it going to end? When someone is beaten to death because s/he voiced their dissenting comments at a town hall?

Given our rate of uncivilized public behaviours, I can see these scenarios in the very near future:

-college professor is heckled during class by students who don't agree w/his manner of teaching, or his selection of textbooks

-pastor or priest is heckled during church services because of their teachings/beliefs

-hecklers disrupt courtrooms due to the judge's rulings

I'm not naive. I know that hecklers have been here since Henry James began his career as an author. It's just that lately it seems to have gotten out of hand. Every time I turn on the TV there's coverage of some street brawl. How soon before we read about these brawls and they become permanent fixtures?

Shaking my head.

This & That Thursday #3

2009-09-03T22:41:00.000-07:00

A short summer storm rolled in tonight, and just as quickly rolled out. A short rainfall, maybe six minutes, is all we received. That's just enough water to moisten the dirt on your car and settle any loose remaining dust.

As I was leaving work, I noticed the spectacular lightning show in the East Valley. By the time I got home we were in one of those slow moving dust storms. If there's a choice between which type of dust storm to be in, this is the best kind. These types of dust storms turn everything foggy and the sky takes on an eerie burnt orange glow illuminated by the city's bright lights struggling to shine through the thick haze of dust. The wind doesn't blow hard or strong enough to blow the dust, so it just swirls around irritating your sinuses and eyes if you're out in it.

Being in a dust storm is the equivalent of being in fog, only a dust storm generally moves at a rapid pace while fog just lays there, dangerously paralyzing highways and street traffic. I can count on one hand the times I've been stuck in fog in Phoenix. Each time I found them enchanting but that's because the sun had burnt it up within a few hours.

My family and I are going out of town for a few days. This has been a year full of travel for me. I don't remember this much traveling in a very long time. It's just that everything, and everybody is in another state so we have to leave if we want to see everyone.

My aunts are doing miraculously well, thank the Lord! Of course, this will require new responsibilities to my family to provide care to them as they may never fully recover. I just hope I can help out whenever and however I can.

I think this is all on my mind tonight. I'm wiped out. Two long work weeks and staying up 'til 2a last night w/BFF has caught up w/me and I'm gonna turn in early. That pic is of my two nieces and brother in Vegas' Chinatown.

A Fond Memory

2009-08-26T23:27:00.000-07:00

When I was in grade school I loved to read. Anything my chubby brown hands could get a hold of to read, I'd read. Because of my high reading and language scores I was selected to help out in the library sorting books, tidying up the place and helping the other students check out books. The librarian (I never thought I'd forget her name) was very kind to me. I don't know if it was because I was painfully shy or if because she could pretty much give me limited supervision and the chores would get done w/o a lot of follow up on her part.

I remember her as being a tall, slim, model-like blonde who was always stylish in dress and had perfect hair. She and the music teacher (never thought I'd forget his name either. See what age and time does to you?) were good friends and often took their lunches together in her office located in the back of the library.

The music teacher was an attractive, soft=spoken black man who always wore neckties and jackets, even during music class. I thought he was one of the handsomest men I'd ever seen and because he was a writer and musician, and single, he should meet my single aunt and marry her. When I told my mother my ideas of matchmaking Minnie to the music teacher, I remember her thinking that was one of the funniest things I had ever told her. My aunt Minnie shared Momma's view but she was a lot nicer in bursting my bubble than Momma.

At the end of the school year I was tasked with helping the librarian take inventory of every book in the library. The school was to receive a new set of Encyclopedia Britannica and the old set discarded. When the librarian (why can't I remember her name?) asked if I'd like to have the old set of encyclopedias I was elated!

I don't know exactly how the books made it to the house but I remember my parents let me store them, all in a row, on a rickety wooden bookshelf that sat prominently in our living room for everyone to see. And you know what? My sister and I tried to read every one of those books! A lifetime before the Internet where we can Google or Yahoo or Bing every concept known to man, my family had a set of encyclopedias and we were proud to have them!

I would spend hours reading through those books, learning about everything from astronomy to zoology, Presidents of the U.S., the Civil War, and everything in between.

Last week while looking for papers, I found two of those encyclopedias. I had managed to keep them somehow, all these years. I've sat them aside and may glance through them just to compare the listings to today's language and verbiage. Maybe I'll do it on a rainy day or maybe I'll read them to Butterfly. I don't know why I'm saving them, all that info is a mouse click away.

Maybe I'm saving them to remember how special I felt lining them up on that rickety bookshelf, or how we had to take special care to dust them and not damage them. Whatever the reason, they're right over there, another fond memory of days gone.

Culture Shock

2009-08-24T22:21:00.000-07:00

I've had a bit of an active social life the past few days. Enough that it has me bemoaning the loss of, let's see, with the cost of tonight's dinner ($65), my share of dinner last Thursday ($70), Saturday's dinner ($30), I feel especially compelled to retreat back to my hermetic lifestyle, if for nothing more than to save money!

Earlier this year I placed myself on a budget that until recently, was serving my goal of regaining some of the losses made in my 401k and other market funds. Then poof!, my friends started rescuing me from the constant distraction of the unpleasant events unfolding in Boise and my budgeting resolve went into hiding.

I can't lie and say I'm not glad to have the distractions, but I'd sure like that $$ that has been spent *sigh*.

I've been Twittering so much I've started blogging in the same 140 character style. That's wild!

Anyway, getting to the title of the post: I've been helping with interviews for my Dept and I am absolutely appalled with the outfits some of these candidates have worn to the interview. The last time I saw so many breasts and cleavage on display was when I was flipping through the lingerie section of a magazine!

These ppl have shown up in short sleeved tee shirts sporting cleavage a Playboy bunny should wear! Tight jeans and heels, shirts with slogans printed on them, jeweled flipflops! One applicant who seemed to be my age wore slacks, purple shirt and coordinating purple tie. We hired him just because of how professional he looked! Another lady wore grey leggings that fit like a layer of frosting on a pudding cake. And the leggings were split in the back when she got up. Her oversized shirt hid the tear while she was standing but when getting up it was plainly seen. Shaking my head folks. Shaking my head.

I know our work culture has changed. Business casual has been replaced with "anything but pajamas" at some places, and these people were carrying that message loud and clear. We carried our message too, we didn't hire most of them.

This & That Thursday #2

2009-08-19T23:45:00.000-07:00

I've been following the story of the loner who attended a protest during the POTUS' visit here. One of our news stations interviewed the guy who gave a litany of reasons why he hates the POTUS. All I can do is shake my head because loner guy's so lost and he's a brother. I can't imagine what his family and friends are thinking now, especially since one of them ratted him out to the media.

Speaking of the Obama family, the 1st Lady and her family viewed the Grand Canyon wearing shorts, tank top and cotton tee. I was surprised to see her outfit and thought she could have made several better choices to hike the Canyon. Perhaps beige carpi's and tank w/long sleeved cotton man's shirt. When she was digging the White House garden she looked better than this. If I had money and the country's best designers on speed dial, I'd be out there in a Valentino sleeveless dress, gloves, a Lauren "Ricky" bag, Loboutin heels and a huge hat. Or like this beautiful outfit. I wouldn't look like I was making a quick dash to 7-11 for a lottery ticket.

Speaking of dressing faux pas, I've been interviewing for the Dept and have noticed that people no longer dress for interviews. I've interviewed people with their bras clearly showing, cleavage almost to the navel, midriff skin and back end tats. Did I miss the cultural memo that dressing for a job interview is no longer important for landing that job? Or maybe I'm just not in with the times. Sigh.

My aunts in Boise are both still in hospital however the seriously ill one has been taken from ICU and placed in a regular room.Unfortunately she's being moved to a rehab/convalescence home. There's no one to give her all the care she's going to need. My family has to make some seriously hard choices. But it's something we must all go through at one point in our lives.

I haven't seen the little feral strays in the last couple of days. The milk's gone in the morning but I'm not certain who's eating it. The jar of baby food wasn't eaten so I don't know where they're gone. Hope they're okay though.

Well, it's late or early depending on where this is being read. Steve Lawrence is crooning and my eyelids are getting heavier. Off to bed for me. Tomorrow may not come, but if it does, it contains four meetings and one interview. Wonder what this candidate will be wearing.

We Have Kittens!

2009-08-18T07:57:00.000-07:00

Well, they're not really ours per se, but we saw them last night in our backyard. My brother and I were out on the porch last night talking about things when he spotted two of them eating the fries I had thrown out earlier. We have several feral strays in the neighbourhood, one of them has been here for years, and with the absence of free reigning stray dogs, their population has grown, but three feral kittens is news indeed.

I immediately found an old Tupperware dish, filled it w/skim milk (that's the only milk we have in the house, don't judge me) and sat it out there to see if they would bite, or lap in this case. And they did! They gathered around the dish which was not that far from us on the porch and lapped milk until they were satisfied.

Tonight I'll buy a few jars of baby food for them and a container of whole milk to see if I can help fatten them up. I'd love to make them pets but I'm pretty certain my siblings will smother me w/a pillow if I do that. I'm a serious animal lover, the siblings? Not so much.

Yesterday during President Obama's stop here in Phoenix several protesters wore weapons during their demonstration. Oh, it's quite legal here to openly sport weapons, I guess it keeps the "Wild Wild West" image going. I don't know though. There are too many people around who could get hurt, why allow weapons at a protest anyway? Just another reason my neighbours have embarrassed me *sigh*. I'm sure I'll hear about it today from my colleagues in NY and FL. Yippee!

A Day In My Life

2009-08-17T18:34:00.000-07:00

3:15a-Too sleepy to keep reading. Detective Jury and his detecting must wait 'til tomorrow. Have to use the bathroom. The hall is eerily dark, can't understand this but too sleepy to find out why.

6:00a-Blackberry is beeping. Brother in Boise has just paged that my eldest aunt has been taken to the hospital. Two aunts in the same hospital. Stomach muscles tighten and it's hard to breathe.

6:25a-I need to sleep but now I'm hot and cold, tossing and turning. All these end of life thoughts are running through my head. What do I do now? Should I call brother or wait?

7:25a-Bean calls from FL. She's at Walmart picking up travel necessities. She's leaving for MN tonight and has to stock up. I tell her the bad news and ask her opinion on whether I should go to Boise. She says she'd do the same for me if I were in hospital and empathizes with me.

8:25a-Hang up from Bean and notice I've missed a text from SIL who's advising they've put eldest aunt on respirator and that eldest aunt's only daughter is motoring down from WA. Try to go back to sleep.

9:45a-Decide to clean the kitchen and make breakfast even though stomach still feels "nervous". Cook a turkey burger with two eggs. Stomach seems to agree. Now that the kitchen's clean, maybe a little nap?

10:00a-Answer land line. Why did I do that?? Goofy guy who's obviously more lonely than I because he rolling a mile a minute. I don't know this man from Adam, apparently this means nothing to him. He shares his ministry, his beliefs and his football-playing past w/me. Says he's played three years w/the Chiefs. I ask him who the quarterback was when he played. He can't remember. Please!! Finally I just tell him I'm hanging up the phone, that I'm praying for him and disconnect. That's 27 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

10:30a-Decide to pay a few bills and buy music recommended by Bean. Find Daniel Young and The Singletons on iTunes then decide to sync my iPhone and iPod. This requires a full update of music and playlists while popping in to Twitter to check out the news there. Maybe now I can take that nap.

11:25a-Brother needs to use my car to get some parts for his car. He's wondering why I look so tired. Didn't I sleep or am I too worked up? I try to explain but he's too interested in getting the parts. Since I can't sleep I read latest issue of Fortune especially the iPhone v Blackberry. I have to carry both and love them each but the Blackberry has my heart. Sort of like the Vikings and Cowboys. I love them but Dallas will win out every time.

1:15pm-After a quick, forgetful lunch of tilapia and broccoli I watch Arrested Development, then Mr.3000. Receive two separate texts from the Twins in Vegas about their leaving for Boise sometime this weekend, when are we planning on leaving? We discuss the algorithms necessary when making plans like this and agree that we can only wait and hope and pray and pray and pray.

4:40p-Brother brings dinner of greasy oysters and fries from Pete's. Just what my troubled stomach doesn't need but I eat the oysters anyway. I'm not too much of a fries lover so those go outside to the cats or birds. Whoever gets them first.

5:15p-Is it too late to try for that nap? I'm worn out. True to form, my skin is showing signs of stress. That, coupled with the spicy oyster sauce, hot cauliflower and lemons, should have me looking like a psoriasis victim.

6:30-BFF JT calls to ck up on me. I texted him and BFF ML the news about the aunts and he wants to know if I need anything. No, I'm fine. Stiff upper lip and all that crap I always do. If there's one trait that I have, it's being consistent.

6:45p-Talked to Chip in VA. His mom's the eldest aunt, he just needs to talk. His brother and sister have been speaking w/him throughout the day. He'll wait for their instructions before heading out. He's scared and worried. I've been right there but my mom was here w/me, not on the other side of the country.

7:15p-Decided to blog about this day. I've given up on sleep. Maybe I'll fold and put away some of these clothes and give myself a badly needed pedi. Night is falling. the sky's pink blush in the horizon and inky blue above. But instead of calming me, it's making me afraid of the sunrise. What if it brings news I'm just not ready to hear?

Decisions, Decisions or Sometimes It Sucks Being The Middle Child

2009-08-16T19:32:00.000-07:00

I going to have to go back to Boise for a few days or weeks. Mildred has been moved out of ICU but is too weak to take care of herself. My aunt Minnie has been taking care of Mildred for about four months but now Minnie is having medical issues herself. Minnie's doctor thinks she may have had mini-strokes and may have neurological issues. My aunt Mary is too weak to care for others so she's out of the lineup of resources to help w/Mildred while Minnie is convalescing.

I'm thinking of taking a leave from work to go up and help out. I haven't worked out everything yet but I am looking at how much my savings can bear with missing a few weeks of salary. Then once I get there I'll need a car to go back and forth because the aunts live about 55 miles away. The ideal is that Mildred is sent to a nursing home in Boise which will cut down on gas and time spent driving, in case of emergencies.

Each of my aunts have children, but they're not able to leave their jobs to care full time for their mothers or they live out of state. or they have small children who are in school. Right now I'm the best candidate but I have my own things to consider: I'm beginning a new job under a new Director and my leaving just as our new teams form could be a big monkey wrench. As honoured as I am to have been chosen for this new position, it pales in comparison to caring for my family. Long after my family is gone, this brick and mortar company will still be standing.

Sometimes no matter what you do, or how you live trouble always comes. It's like this: I get through one storm and I go out and try to repair all the shingles the heavy winds blew off. I fix all the leaks, brace up my little heart and relax then BAM! Here comes another storm. Those clouds I saw in the distance must have been the same ones bringing this new storm. I know in every life some rain must fall, but geez, let me have more time between storms!

I talked to BFF about my plans and thoughts and he thinks I shouldn't leave right now because of this new position and, after having already accepted it, walking off and leaving my Director hanging. Each of my aunts have grown children and those children will have to make changes in their lives to help their ailing parents like my family and I did. I just feel as the eldest niece I can't sit in Phoenix and not help out.

I've been trying to get to Boise for the past two years. This new position came up and I took it (I'd be a fool not to). Now it seems everyone in Boise that I want to be closer to may not make it. Yeah, I know I'm going way out and probably over thinking this but it helps to type it out. How cruel to finally make it to Boise to live and my aunts gone to live with their children in other states or dead?

Something will happen. I can't take care of every one's problems. I've been doing it so long it's foreign not to step in and handle problems. If life has taught me anything, it has taught me to trust in Him that never fails. I have to believe that He will work this out for me because only He can work it out. See, I just answered my own question on how to handle this dilemma:-)

"What a friend we have in Jesus.

All out sins and griefs to bear.

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer.

Oh what peace we often forfeit,

Oh what needless pain we bear.

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer!"

Mildred Darlene

2009-08-12T23:08:00.000-07:00

This is my Aunt Mildred. The lady in the center of the page holding granddaughter Tierra and standing behind her other three granddaughters.

She's been taken to the hospital tonight in guarded condition. Mildred, hurry up and get better, you're making a bunch of people very nervous.

This & That Thursday

2009-08-12T00:04:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not trying to be overly clever. Thought the post's title is catchy and I'm sure this theme is already out there somewhere. Pretty much have nothing to post about the odds and ends of ideas and thoughts currently running through my drug-addled mind.

I worked out more than usual yesterday and my poor back muscles are reprimanding me for my over zealousness (is that a word?). So I've popped a muscle relaxer and painkiller about two hours ago and now beginning to feel some relief. Usually this cocktail drops me right on the old keister but so far not even drowsiness. Maybe it's safe to take at work-dunno.

I read the article that exercise may not help with weight reduction. Ha! Ha! I don't know about all that. What I do know for sure is that NOT exercising makes me feel lethargic and slow.

One of my peers bought me the first season of "Arrested Development" for my birthday. I ordered seasons 2 & 3 on Amazon and got my family hooked on AD too. We're at the last episode of the show and it's sort of sad to know that great show with the most creative writing teams only lasted three seasons. Awesome.

Mrs. Eunice Shriver died yesterday. She made it to 88 years, bless her heart. In college I was tasked to writing about the Kennedy Administration and being the little rule-breaker that I can sometimes be, I wrote about Mrs. Shriver and Mrs. Marion Wright-Edelman and their strengths on individually bringing change to the country and even the world. Mrs. Wright-Edelman has a new book out that I'm going to order. It will be great reading for the upcoming trip to Vegas.

This has been a summer of loss hasn't it? So many people, both celebrity and personal have chosen this summer to leave us. This constant parade of deaths may be remembered as the Loss Summer.

On a happier note-the one note everyone can sing-my sister n law took a few pictures of Mooka on his first day of school. He's nine now and didn't want to pose for the pictures. Then he badgered his mother into dropping him off at the end of the block instead of the drop off place. You hold on to kids' hands so long, then you feel them slowly letting go of your hand. They don't know now how blessed they are knowing that you're right behind them in case they start to fall. Sometimes even us big kids don't realize there are people right behind us ready to reach out and grab our hands if we start to fall.

Aren't we the lucky ones?

School School The Golden Rule

2009-08-10T00:03:00.000-07:00

Tonight, due to no fault of my own, I had to take Mooka (nephew #4) school shopping because the clothes his mother had bought for school had already been worn and he wanted newer things because it's the first day of school.

There are a lot of things I don't like to do. Shopping of any kind is at the top of this list. Clothes shopping is the worst. I am a cranky, fussy cactus when I have to shop. Being forced to shop just makes me so mad I think I could punch a baby if given a chance! This is the mood I was in tonight at 5pm when my brother asked if I would take Mooka shopping.

I won't explain the circumstances of why it was me and not his two parents to take him shopping, I remember how important it is to most children that they have new clothes and shoes that first day of school. For that reason I was not going to allow Mooka to have a bad first day of school so off we went to find him school clothes.

The first store we stopped at was Ross'. I've not shopped at Ross' except during Christmastime because of the different items I can find for cheap office gifts. I can honestly say I felt this store was two steps below Walrut and about one step above a Goodwill or Salvation Army store. There were clothes strewn about, empty and disorganized racks. This store's message was we're as sorry to see you come in as you'll be after spending time here. Really.

We found socks, a few tees and a pair of shorts for Mooka. With those bought, we headed to Kohl's.

This is the second time I've been to a Kohl's and it wasn't bad, Reminds me of a scaled down Target but with a better jewelry selection. Most of West Phoenix must frequent this particular Kohl's because by the time we got there (a little after 7) there were lots of kids streaming through the shoe and children's sections. Here we found Mooka two pairs of Skechers, some cool tees and more pants.

Next, the last place any sane person wants to be right before the first day of school was Walrut because Mooka needed some notebooks, pencils and markers. So, we descended into Walrut and along with several gazillion parents and children, tried to find afore-mentioned items. As I shopped there amongst those screaming, squalling youngsters eagerly reaching for notebooks and other school stuffs I wondered why they weren't already home in bed. By now it was close to 8:30! Why have these kids out so late when school starts tomorrow?

I couldn't do anything but shake my head because this is what happens when you wait to the last minute to buy things. And of course as I looked at the new notebooks and green pencils Mooka happily poured into the cart, I remembered how excited we kids would get buying our new school supplies.

I remember how all of our new things were laid out for the next morning-that first day of school. We girls would have had our hair done the night before so that morning all we had to do was wash our faces, brush our teeth, eat cereal and head off skipping all the whole block away to school.

Children should look forward to the first day of school, they don't know any better:-) And I didn't want Mooka to be embarrassed by not having something new the first day or week because I remember how important it was to me. And I'm glad I was able to buy the things he needed and the few things I wanted him to have. It wasn't that long ago that I was buying school supplies for eight nieces and nephews, now I'm down to one. So to be honest, I suppose I was really just glad for the opportunity to continue a tradition that began almost twenty-three years ago.

Happy school year to our students all over the world!!

To My BFF

2009-08-08T23:17:00.000-07:00

Tonight me and BFF were outside walking and talking about nothing when I looked up at the sky and smiled. You know how at sunset the middle of the sky is that inky blue and the western horizon still has that layer of blush pink? I observed to BFF how much I loved this time of night because it signals a reprieve from life's battering ram of troubles and busyness that drives some people's lives.

To me, nighttime means quiet and stillness. No jarring cell phone ringers, no blinging and chirping cell phone alerts, nobody needs anything from you. It's just peace and quiet and the occasional upset, gassy stomach.

BFF has a completely different take on daylight. He feels sunrise signals another chance to make something better, to change or work on a situation. Daylight to him means now he's rested, has had time to think of new strategies, change courses, set new goals in place of failed ones.

To him, daytime means he's still living and breathing, brand new mercies are awaiting him at the crack of dawn. He'd rather meet challenges head on in the morning where he can see them, than go into the night with the worry and tension draining on him, wearing him down.

I told him that night time brings solitude and time to recharge myself to prepare for the daylight, not stay up worrying about what will happen in the daylight (although I've done this too much to mention). At night I can wash off my fakeness along with my makeup and be the real DeboBlue, putting myself first and forsaking all others.

BFF promptly protested that I could ever be selfish, I'm just too sweet. This is why we're buds-he knows flattery will get him everything:-)

I can't walk very far or very fast so BFF doesn't try to rush me, and lets me sit down whenever I need. He's the best walking companion! Very patient and considerate.

So, we're still strolling and he says to me, looking down, not really looking at me, that he thinks the real reason he hates nighttime so much is because that's when he feels his aloneness more. At night when he's home there are no phone calls, no silly conversations with his unselfish BFFs, no noisy, crowded restaurants, nothing but him and the TV.

"So that's why it's so easy for me to get him to do things!" I thought to myself. I was surprised and warmed that he had chosen to share that with me. His confession silenced me-the perpetual Chatty Cathy-and I couldn't think of anything to say. I just didn't know he was feeling like that. Was I too self-absorbed to understand that? Probably. I make him come with me to restaurants he hates, drive distances he'd rather not because of his poor night vision, and spend hours w/me at bookstores chatting and browsing the newest titles even though he's not much of a reader.

Wow, I've had my aha moment for the month. Here I am welcoming the darkness for the solitude and him hating it for the same reason! We're both complete opposites of each other in most everything from religious beliefs to politics to budgeting. I still don't know how we became fast friends. To prevent our differences from destroying a great thing, we don't talk or argue about them unless we have to and even then they're very PC. Ours is a delicate, crocheted pillowcase handed down from great grandparents that can be injured or destroyed with the slightest tug.

Tonight I made a decision to start asking him what he'd like to do and doing that rather than throwing out directives and expecting him to follow. I'm not going to be as busy when he calls wanting to do something, I'm going to go where he wants to go, and follow his lead. Sometimes.

Let's Hear It For The Girl!

2009-08-07T08:18:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to both Justice Sotomayor and the Senate Committee which approved the appointment for Sotomayor's step into history! I hope she's an asset to our country by basing her decisions on what is right, rather than what is popular or expected.

I'm a conservative when it comes to crime and punishment. I believe judgements should be handed out fairly. One population, whether it be defined by race, sex or citizenship should not suffer harsher sentences than another. If two defendant's' cases are the same, both should receive equal punishment. Jamal Wallace should be held to the same punishment as Emilio Martinez. Jessica Smith, if her crime was equal to Agatha Schwartz should receive the same punishment.

I support the death penalty. If someone is malicious enough to slaughter whole families, rob and kill the weak or elderly, kill or severely abuse children, they should be hooked up to the nearest electrical outlet and the switch flipped. They should be placed over a huge vat filled with scalding hot Crisco and dipped repeatedly for each bullet, each stab, each injury they inflicted upon their victim. A Death Row sentence should be for 90-days, then death. None of these life sentences where you sit in a cell all day watching cable tv, having your catered meals delivered to you.

Sorry, went off on a bit of a rant there, didn't I? And this post was supposed to be cheery and fun. Okay, I'll end it on a cheerful note. Congrats to Justice Sotomayor. I wish I had cable and could watch the swearing in ceremony. I know her family's heart must be full right now. All the worry and tension during the meetings, the reviews of her past are all over. Now upwards and onwards!

I Heart Bill Clinton

2009-08-04T22:29:00.000-07:00

I really do! Of course during the whole Monica and Jennifer and whoever else drama that almost unraveled his presidency, I didn't like him. But I didn't want him to be impeached. Like most Black women and men, I felt most of those pointing blame at him were doing the same thing and what do you know, they proved us right!

I remember commenting w/my girlfriends, "If Hillary ain't leaving him, I'm not either." We all knew Hillary was not leaving the White House to become a divorced woman. She had too much riding on Bill (no pun intended) just like me.

So now Mr. Clinton withi his ailing body flew around the globe to help those two journalists who were wrongly imprisoned. I'm sure Korea thinks this is the snub felt around the world, by ignoring Mrs.Clinton only to heed Mr.Clinton's requests. That's not important. The only important thing is the ladies are free!

Yep, Mr. Clinton's come through again and you know, after meeting him and looking in those bright blue eyes, I knew immediately why Monica did it.

With Apologies To Julia Child

2009-08-03T16:25:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to become a better cook. I've become a regular reader of cooking mags and websites in hopes of finding quick ingredient-lite dishes that can be made to bring envy to my co-workers and family members alike. I envision myself strolling into the on site cafeteria and proudly opening my freshly heated Ziploc containers that hold exotic, camera-ready dishes that stir the emotions of everyone in the surrounding area. There I sit, completely unaware of the salivating, lascivious stares my dishes receive while I gently bite into whatever it is I've cooked.

Thanks to following a couple of recipe sites on Twitter, I receive recipes of every type of food daily which saves me from culling endless sites. These sites highlight from ten to thirty recipes of everything from peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to full blown lobster bakes.

Like most cooks, I substitute for ingredients I don't readily have available like onion, basil, rosemary, thyme, heavy cream etc. I'm sure those things will help make a dish better but hey, can't be that important can it? I mean, if it were really important to add basil why would it ask for such a small amount? I won't miss the flavour of 1tsp of basil will I?

Needless to say, I have had great success with some recipes, while there are others the alley cats are still angry with me about. But if you're an alley cat you should be glad you're getting anything that's not still attached to a tail right?

Today I'm trying a new recipe and I have most of the suggested ingredients. It's an Indian dish with curry, tumeric and the usual suspects (celery, onion, carrot, salt & pepper). I'm not sure, but I don't think this is going to be one of the successful recipes. It may have something to do with adding too much tumeric. I didn't know the bottle didn't have a shaker top so I opened the top and poured it in. I was able to get most of it out (I hope that yellow colour comes out of my new dishrag) so it shouldn't be that bad. Another thing is it's been in the crock pot since 11:30 this morning and the potatoes are still tough. I'll give it another couple of hours and see if the potatoes soften (fingers crossed).

I'll let you know how it turns out.

Road Trip

2009-08-02T23:26:00.000-07:00

My brother and I recently returned from a road trip to Boise, Id to see the family. I had decided about two weeks prior that I wanted to be in Boise for the Fourth, a long held tradition. My brother wanted to be there too so we sat off that Thursday night for the trip, following the same path my parents and grandparents had followed almost 40 years ago.

I love road trips. I love traveling.

During the summers when my parents couldn't get time off to take us to Boise, they would send us by Greyhound or Continental. As we packed up my little car with suitcases, pillows and food, I thought about all the times we'd be at the bus station with our suitcases, pillows and food, my mother nervously reminding us of all the things we could and couldn't do; don't talk to strangers, don't leave the terminal with anyone who was not family, stay together, don't give anyone your food, don't spend all your money before getting to Boise, call the minute we got there or if there was any trouble.

We were so excited to be going alone and feeling mature above our ages (like all kids do at that age), we would only half listen. And God blessed-we never had a bad experience except when the bus broke down right out of Salt Lake.

Driving through the dark desert this time I kept thinking about how difficult it must have been for my parents to pack up three children and then travel with them in the car and not smother them or leave them in the desert. I'm sure we must have worn on them most of the time.

As we drove alone, I thought about how the scenery had or hadn't changed in all the years we had made the trip. The mountains are still stern and wondrous looking, the plains sparse with cattle and other livestock spotting here and there, the light of the lone farmhouse flickering there in the distance. Some of the cities have grown, still others have vanished completely. This is the road we're used to, not the snow-laden, treacherous road we traveled in December.

After spending about six days in Boise we drove down to Vegas and celebrated my birthday with the Twins in their new apartment in North Las Vegas. Now Vegas? Vegas changes more times than a baby with diarrhea! A trip down the Strip is an adventure because it's always changing! If Vegas is feeling the recession, it didn't seem like it the week we were there. The only sign of trouble that I noticed were two buildings that construction had stopped due to bankruptcy. Imagine this huge building in the middle of the Strip completely dark and deserted. A bit unnerving. In case you're wondering, I don't gamble. Didn't put even a penny in a machine. I hate working too much to spend my hard earned dough in a slot machine.

We made it back home at 3am Tuesday morning and I reported to work freshly showered and relaxed that same morning. Boy did I feel it by the end of the day though (hee hee). I fell into my bed, clothes and all, and didn't wake until six the next morning. I did waken sometime during the night to take off my clothes but can't remember when.

I've been blessed to do two road trips this year: driving from Jacksonville, Fl to Atlanta last March, and this Boise trip. I think the desert is so much more scenic than woods but I'm biased.

Self Centered

2009-08-01T23:29:00.000-07:00

It doesn't take much to make me happy. I think. I'm pretty much laid back, an introvert trapped in an extrovert's mouth and body, wanting to be the proverbial wallflower but losing the fight most times.

I spend a lot of time thinking about me. How I'm feeling, how recent events impact me via my family, my direct reports, my neighbours, my country, my Christian beliefs. If there's an angle on how something impacts me, I'll find it.

Maybe it's because I've never had children. Although I've helped care for children I've never had to make those life-impacting decisions parents or guardians have to make for children.

There are a myriad excuses why I tend to be self-centered but the one excuse that keeps coming to mind is Self-Protection. The war against obesity continues to grow and every self proclaimed Soldier in the fight against the obese and obesity is beginning to get on my last nerve.

Headlines scream about fat passengers taking up two airplane seats and sucking up all the air. Insurance companies complain about skyrocketing costs of caring for the obese. News entertainers scream about how unfair it is that President Obama has nominated an obese woman as Surgeon General. How, they ask, is she able to lead the war against obesity when she herself smells like freshly fried chicken wings and hot sauce?

I am an unhealthy woman. I know that. Every time I wheeze after walking to and from my car. Each day that I sweat in cheaply made, bulletproof polyester outfits because I can't find my size in Macy's, Dillard's or any other mall store. Each glare or giggle from people in said mall stores, or restaurants, or grocery stores keep it at the forefront of my mind that I'm different.

So, as a defense mechanism, the wallflower develops a mouthy, "look, don't mess w/me and you'll have a great day" demeanor. That quiet, introvert becomes a drill sargeant who will ask if you'd like a picture rather than continuing to stare. It's becoming harder and harder to live out here but no one ever fainted because of difficult times. It makes us stronger right?

So I find the best of the cheap clothes that fit, get my toes done, have my makeup just right and walk out everyday into all the giggles and stares and overt hostility and I do what I have to do.

I'm not conceited, but I am self centered. I'm trying to get from day to day without you crippling me and if that means making me the most important person in my life, I'm gonna do just that.

The Fat Lady Sings

2009-02-22T09:34:00.000-08:00

So, I think it's about time I let this blog go.

I appreciate all that visited and commented and welcomed me to your sites.

If you're ever in Phoenix please look me up. I'll be glad to show you round the city.

The Lord bless and keep you. May He make His face to shine upon you and give you peace.

Debo

debo7c@yahoo.com

I'll Be Back

2009-01-28T22:12:00.000-08:00

If I Were A Good Friend

2009-01-21T20:43:00.000-08:00

I've been hearing about all the bad weather you all in the South and East and Midwest have been experiencing these past few days and I want you to know I'm truly sorry about that.

If I were a good friend I would not tell you that our weather has been CRAZY SICK! Or, simply the best God's sent so far this year.

If I were a good friend I wouldn't tell you that last weekend I took two year old Ma and her eight year old brother Mooka to one of our city parks with manmade lakes and sand dunes. I wouldn't tell you that the kids and I walked around the lake enjoying the bright sunlight and slight breezes that tickled our faces and captured our laughs.

I wouldn't tell you that we enjoyed a semi picnic of sliced turkey w/mayo and cheese on white bread accompanied by chips, cookies and cool water.

If I were a good friend I wouldn't tell you that I had bought day old bread to feed the multitude of ducks and geese who migrated to the lakes or were put there by the city. If I did tell you about feeding the ducks I'd have to tell you that we were almost put upon by two gangsta geese that wanted to steal the kids' sandwiches. I had to forcibly chase them away to prevent them from bullying little Ma. But I'm not telling you all that.

See, if I were a good friend I wouldn't tell you that after walking around the lake and after the picnic I took the kids to the playground and let them run and play with about 700 other children also out enjoying the wonderful weather.

And you'd never hear from me that we sat and ate ice cream and snow cones bought from the waiting ice cream truck, and that as the sky turned from blue to orange to pink to purple, we slowly made our way back to the car and came home, tossing the remaining bread to ducks as they settled under trees and tables awaiting the night.

Most of you would really laugh at me if I told you that on Sunday after the Cardinals win over the Eagles, I washed three loads of laundry and hung them out on the clothes line and everything dried by sundown.

So because I'm not a good friend I'll tell you that we're having some awesome weather as you all are living in a freezer box. I'll tell you that I was THIS CLOSE to blowing my car's AC this afternoon leaving work to drive across town to a meeting.

Yes I know, what goes around comes around and I know some of you, when it's 117 and 120 here for three months straight will snicker at my plight and high energy bills. But for now, here's to you my cold shivering blogger friends. Where ever you are:-)

Here are pictures of last Saturday's outing:

My Weekend's Too Short

2009-01-11T22:12:00.000-08:00

I'm hitting the mattress early tonight. I'm just worn out.

These last two nights I was unable to sleep well because I had two sets of hands and two sets of feet probing, kicking, rubbing, poking, banging, sliding, crawling and hitting me. Now some of you may think this is a good thing, and it would if it were Dave Baptista but no, it was Mooka and Butterfly sleeping over this weekend. Mooka usually sleeps w/his aunt Niece but Friday night he insisted on sharing my bed w/me and his two year old sister Butterfly.

Both of these kids sleep like miniature horses and they both SNORE!! Loudly!! Having them in bed w/me also meant my not being able to open the window to see the moon and cool down my room. I didn't want them to get chilled after their showers so I had to make do in my hot room and pray I didn't roll over the little girl and smother her.

All in all it was a great weekend. I got a lot of nothing done, but I did walk around the Biltmore Fashion Mall in some of the prettiest weather God ever sent to Phoenix. I try not to be so sedentary when the kids are here and they incent me to get up and move. Plus, it's hard focusing on troubles when kids are around; they don't care about your troubles, they want to eat cereal, watch Saturday morning cartoons, tear up the front room, drip afore-mentioned cereal from table to sink, fight about who had a particular toy first and bring you joy and laughter.

I did do something unique this weekend: Saturday morning I wanted to actually cook for the kids. I can count on one hand minus three fingers the number of times I've cooked for the kids. I'm not a great cook. I'm not a good cook. I can just pass making a decent peanut butter sandwich. My sister's one of the greatest cooks I've ever eaten from (or met) so she's responsible for the kids' nourishment. But this Saturday, I wanted to cook and like all well laid plans....

My first mistake was allowing Ma (Butterfly) to ride her tricycle outside while I was cooking bacon. Now I know that the hotter the skillet, the crispier the bacon so I had my four or five strips there and it was cooking nicely. I noticed the kids coughing a bit but thought nothing of it until Mooka asked if we could open a window or door. "What for?" I asked. It was still chilly outside. "It's a lot of smoke in here." he replied, swatting at the smoke like a true swordsman.

Ok, I conceded. Let's open the door so the smoke alarms don't go off and wake Wooka. I'm still watching the bacon and it's crinkling up nicely but now with the door open, Ma's quest to ride her trike is overwhelming her so I dress her for the cold. In the meantime, Mooka's coughing reminds me of the bacon on the stove. It was some of the best bacon I'd ever made in my life. Crsipy. Brown. I should have taken pictures. But there is a lot of smoke in the house so I turn off the skillet to watch Ma on the trike

As I'm sitting out on the porch I notice smoke filtering out the door and I think to myself, "That's odd. There must have been more smoke than I realized." By this time more smoke is coming out of the house and two of the smoke detectors are blaring. I go back in the kitchen and discover I hadn't turned off the fire under the skillet and it's smoking like Jackie Gleason after surgery.

Of course all the noise brings Wooka up to see what's going on. After proudly showing off my bacon and discounting the burning skillet as a one off situation, she decides we'd all be better off if she goes and brings back breakfast. Hey. I tried.

Well, that's it for my weekend. Monday looms bright and promising.

The Cardinals have made it to the NFC Conference game against the Eagles. I sure wish it were the Cowboys but that's okay. It could be worse. I mean, I could be a Titans fan right?

I've won some awards that you should know about. From Jeni:

From UglyBlackJohn:

Meandering Through My Mind

2009-01-09T00:00:00.001-08:00

Nothing special to blog about tonight. Just some thoughts and ideas that have strolled around to the front of my thoughts. This is a picture taken of the setting sun. I wish you could have seen how spectacular it was.

Is it just me or is there something just too fishy about "the gentleman from Illinois" Burris? I haven't followed his career, heck I'd never heard of him until all this circus action went down a few weeks ago, but I'm wondering how much of his children's inheritance he had to pay his governor for that Senate seat. One part of me thinks this man's a fool to just show up as the Chosen One knowing the obstacles and disbelief he will have to tackle. The other part thinks he's the ultimate opportunistic all ready to get his. And isn't this the attitude that's gotten this country in the shape it's currently in?

Walmart announced lower than expected results and one of the genius market watchers remarked "This suggests that the lower income group is feeling the pinch more than we thought..." What?? How much does this guy get to sit around a big office and state the obvious? You mean to tell me that it took Walmart to make the country aware that poor people are struggling? The fact that milk costs more than a gallon of gas, millions without health insurance, increased forfeitures and high unemployment wasn't enough for them to understand that? How can I get a job like that?

Tonight's a full moon. Regular readers know how much I LOVE full moons. Tonight I sat outside talking w/JT and wondered how all that snow in Boise or Ely would look under a moon as bright. That's one disappointment about my Boise trip-each night the skies were overcast so I couldn't see the stars. Boise, having lower light pollution than Phoenix, is better able to showcase the majesty that is the night sky.

Have you ever watched rising steam as it dissipates into the air? We did that tonight too. Sat there chatting about work, watching the steam billow up, hold a shape then slowly fade away to nothingness. And I came to the realization that most of the shapes looked like characters from a Dr. Seuss book. Really! I could see Thing One and Thing Two from "The Cat and the Hat", residents of Whoville.

And what had me smiling all day? Well the news of Pacman Jones getting kicked the h-ll out of Dallas! Finally Jerry Jones counted up the costs and determined he and the 'Boys can do bad all by themselves. Pacman's lawyer is projecting that Pacman won't be unemployed long because he's young and all that. And he's almost right. What he should be saying is Pacman won't be free for long because he will soon join all the other thugs and untrained, unrestrained, Ritalin-reject losers like him in the county jail awaiting trail for something stupid he could have avoided. And without Jerry Jones' protection, what's he gonna do? Sit in jail and try to make bail. Now, if we can just get rid of that bottom-feeder Owens.

What I Know For Sure #2

2009-01-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

Oh to be kept

By Jesus.

Lord at Thy feet I fall.

Life would be nothing

Nothing!

No, Nothing!

Thou shalt be my all and all.

2008 was THE worst year of my adult life. My family and I suffered a great loss which is still affecting us and will affect us forever I suppose. We have each changed because of it.

You've seen the articles and read the quotes about knowing your true self during times of adversity. I can testify that I indeed found out more about myself in some regards but stayed true to character in others.

I found out that I have trouble asking for help. I believe that if it's my problem, it's my responsibility to handle so when the problem came, I shut myself away from friends and tried to hide from my family.

Friends came to help and provide support and love but I stubbonrnly and at times, rudely refused, cringing from their offered embraces, ignoring their sacrificed time away from their own families and hectic schedules to come see about me.

I spent so many hours awake that I began to have migraines, which in turn caused my blood pressure to start spiking. The ensuing forgetfulness, vertigo, weight and hair loss was enough to send me to my doctor who promptly took me out of work along with prescribing an arsenal of sleep meds, stress meds, relaxation techniques, increased blood pressure meds and suggestions to seek psychiatric help or someone personal to speak to.

The sleep meds didn't work after three days, the stress meds made me feel as if I were constanly swatting at floating cotton balls and the blood pressure meds gave me an angry dry cough. I didn't want to go to a head doctor because it was my problem. It was my problem and I had to work through it even if I couldn't sleep and suicidal thoughts meandered into my waking brain waves. Even if I lost my appetite, when you're 400 pounds you should celebrate a fifteen pound loss. The hair loss? I wore wigs or braids anyway so it didn't matter, no one could see.

No one could see me in here suffering like that because I was always the strong one. I'm the 2nd daughter of the 2nd daughter. I'm the 7th grandchild of the 7th son born in the 7th month. I'm the first granddaughter and niece born three days after the death of my grandmother and who bore a strong resemblance to that one. I was the first and only child of seven to graduate high school. The first and only to graduate college. I could fix all of this myself, and I would do it where no one could see me struggling just to make it out of the bed and into the shower.

Somewhere along the line, I don't remember exactly, I stopped everything. Stopped going to church, stopped praying, stopped returning calls, stopped leaving the house, stopped blogging. Stopped taking the meds, just stopped. I figured my blood pressure would keep spiking and I'd have a stroke and die and finally be out of this hell-filled life. How happy I would be!

Although I could hide from my friends and the rest of the outside world, I couldn't hide or mask my suffering from my family. They noticed the weight loss (now 35 lbs), the thinning temples and bald spots in the top of my head. They knew I watched TV all night. They saw the unread magazines piling up in the holder and they begin to confer on how not to lose me.

My sister and baby brother coaxed me into revisiting the doctor after a long family therapy session and that day, as the nurse congratulated me on the weight loss, she also gave me a worried look as she announced my blood pressure was 200/95. I simply smiled at her and just started bawling. One of those good ones that have you hiccuping when you try to talk. Ever had one of those?

Anyway, the doctor came in and just let me weep until I could stop and she shared her experiences with her own loss and how most of what I was feeling she had too. Had to take a break, those tears keep coming up. She asked if I had anyone to talk to, I said no, I was too ashamed to ask for help or tell anyone how cowardly and inept I was at handling my business. She made me promise to get back on my meds and find both professional and personal help or she would be visiting me in a hospital soon. And she's so wise. You know what she asked me? She said "What if you have the stroke but don't die? Who will care for you?" That scared me into refilling those meds right away!

That same afternoon two things happened. They may seem irrelevant but for them to both occur at the same time was too coincidental. I received an email from Dave checking up on me, and a phone call from a long lost friend who was just trying to reconnect.

I was so surprised and happy to see Dave's email; he doesn't know me from Eve, just another Blogger but because I hadn't posted for almost three months he wanted to see how things were. I shared w/him and later Jeni what I was going through, but nothing as intimate as this. I can see now how people can get so caught up in Internet relationships, especially if they're lonely and hurting. Thank God I found two people who were just giving encouragement and not trying to hurt me!

So now here I am, seven months later, looking at the rest of my life. I don't know what's going to happen but what I know for sure is the next time I need it, I'm gonna ask for and accept help.

I'm not allowing comments on this post because it's pretty heavy and I've just sprung it on you unawares. For those of you who do read this, even if you don't believe, please pray for those of us who have lost a whole lot: Dr.S (Peggy), Jeni (Aunt Mike), and Dave who lost Tony.

What I Know For Sure #1

2009-01-04T20:11:00.001-08:00

Hi everyone! Back home in rainy Phoenix, AZ. We drove in yesterday at around 7:15am and I can honestly say I have NEVER been on a trip as scary as this was. We had to drive through some of the scariest, dangerous weather that I could never imagine I'd ever experience! Those dreamy visions of snow falling benevolently over the earth and covering everything in a pristine, clean whiteness has been replaced with the reality that snow can fall in turrets substantially strong enough to reduce visibility to less than three feet, and can confuse even the strongest traveler and cause people to be lost and not found for days, weeks and even months.

The blame of what happened is twofold: us for not leaving until after noon which would cause us to travel through Ely and Twin Falls-areas that see very active weather at all times; and Weather.com for not telling us to expect snow. We had checked the weather report Thursday night and it told us to expect rain in Twin and showers through Jackpot and Ely, no big right?

When we arrived in Twin we did indeed find rain. Jackpot was clear but cloudy and the few flurries we encountered after leaving Jackpot were no cause for worry because we expected no additional inclement weather. I guess you can liken it to the Falcons assuming the Cardinals' defense would be something they could easily conquer (shout out to all my Cardinals fans).

Further down US93 the snow finally hit and gradually became harder and the roads icier. By the time we got to Ely we were in a full-fledged snowstorm and had to make the decision to either drive and go forward or stay put until the weather cleared.

Now normally, when we get to Ely we take a shortcut through US318, a back woods path that shaves about two hours off of travel. There are small towns along the way but nothing that can be found on 93 if we needed the services. Besides, when we pulled out of Ely, 318 was so dark and scary looking we decided to take 93 hoping and praying we would quickly come through the storm. That didn't happen.

As we continued on the way the snow just kept coming. Large wind gusts kept visibility at short distances, the snow so thick and hard driving that using our bright lights diminished the already severely reduced visibility. Aside from one other solitary car traveling southbound, we never encountered a snow plow, large truck or highway patrol. Common sense should have told four responsible adults to turn around and go back to the nearest town and stay put, but, I wasn't the one running the show and my vote, just like my vote for President, didn't pull any weight so onward bound we went.

The snowfall cleared, only to be replaced by small cone-shaped ice pellets. This, my niece Shauna declared sadly, was an ice storm. Our little foray which had started out with cloudy skies and changed to light rain to snow flurries to snow storms had now turned to ice. This time we did pull over because my brother feared the windshield was going to be split open by the force of the ice hitting us. Of course. As long as it were our lives my brother wasn't concerned but when it came to hurting his precious little truck he was more than ready to seek safety. Ain't that a bit**?

Finally the lower elevation brought just rain and clear highway and we rolled on into Vegas a lot wiser, very tired and glad to be closer to home!

So, what do I know for sure? That Grace still abounds for fools and children, and that I will Never! Ever! drive to Boise during the winter months.

Here are some pix I took on the way up to Boise.

This is a storm that we successfully outran.

Here I was channeling Ansel Adams. Oh to have his talent!

Traditions

2008-12-30T11:13:00.000-08:00

What are your New Years food traditions? I was over at Jeni's and she's listed her dinner traditions and it got me thinking about our yearly food traditions and I thought I'd share my family's.

Our NY's meal actually begins about two days before with buying the ingredients, and because most of the food takes hours to cook, we try to cook the ones that required longer cooking time first. Here's a quick prep lesson for you:

Tamales-depending on how many you're making, you'll need an ample supply of dried corn husks that have soaked in warm water, rib-eyed or shank roasts and pork-either chops or pork butt. The meat is cooked slowly with seasonings of salt, pepper, jalepeno and chili colorado. The masa is made from ground hominy and lard and spread over the damp husks. The cooked meat along with optional olives is added, then it's rolled and steamed approx 15-20 mins. Best eaten right out of the steamer.

Chitlins-hog intestines, these require removing left over waste and fat before cooking. After this lengthy process the chitlins are boiled approx 4-6 hours in salted water with onion, bell pepper, garlic, black or white pepper and optional whole potatoes.

Greens-mustard or turnip-a piece of meat with pepper (my family loves serrano chiles) is boiled appox two hours or until tender and the greens added until VERY tender. Traditionally ham hocks is the meat of choice but salt pork, bacon, pork butt, beef or turkey can substitute the fatty meats.

Black-eyed peas-pretty much follow the same recipe as the greens. I personally hate black-eyed peas which shortens this narrative:-)

Seafood gumbo-consists of king crab legs, okra (yecck), chicken, red potatoes, and other assorted seafood.

Cornbread-nothing new here.

Cornish Game hen-ditto

We eat twice. The first meal is after "Watch Service" where we go to church and have a lengthy praise service and right about midnight we pray the new year in. After that it's hugging and celebrating or more praising then we come home and eat one of the above-listed items, saving the rest for the actual, very relaxed dinner. Sometimes members of the church come over and we all have the NY's meal that night and sit around and watch movies are just enjoy each other.

Whatever you're eating or not eating tonight or tomorrow, be safe and have fun!

All The Leaves Are Brown....

2008-12-30T10:10:00.000-08:00

...and the sky is gray. I went for a walk on a winter's day. While the skies are more cloudy than gray it's another beautiful day in Boise. Yesterday a bunch of us crowded into my brother's truck and went looking at homes and townhomes. We started about 12 noon and finally finished up at 5:15.

I'm looking for a single story with about 3 bedrooms, 2 bath and not too much yard to maintain. My ideal is a single storied townhome or condo but the properties we looked at yesterday were all two or three storied. I'm also looking for a central location close to my brother's church and the rest of the fam that's here although they're pretty much spread throughout the city.

I didn't know home shopping could take so much out of you. By the time we got to the last property most of the gang stayed in the truck, they were so tired of looking and getting out and trudging around properties. I saw some great properties but I'm keeping a cool head and want to start with something small-a starter house if you will, then work myself up but WARNING: SELF PITY COMMENT AHEAD! why should I look for anything bigger than a basic house when no one will be there but me and my soon to come eight cats? Yesterday I could imagine couples looking at those properties and contemplating where their children's rooms would be and all I could see was where my library would be. Okay, the moment has passed.

Yesterday, after all the looking around I went to a pawn shop. I've never been to a pawn shop before and it was nothing like what I've seen in movies or TV. This place had clothes, movies, electronics etc but the salespeople were not behind little cages. They were walking around like normal employees. AND the jewelry wasn't as cheaply priced as I thought they would be.

I want a tennis bracelet but don't want to pay full price so my brother suggested looking in pawn shops so that's what we did. We actually went to two pawn shops and I bought some DVDs at $3 each but like I mentioned earlier, the prices on the jewelry were higher than I imagined. Anyway, the tennis bracelet's just something I 'd like but don't need. As a truth, I don't wear rings or bracelets because my hands don't match my big body. WARNING: 2nd PITIFUL COMMENT COMING! Have you ever seen pictures of the circus Fat Lady and all the rings she stuffs on her short little fat fingers? Or the tiny bracelets so small on her wrists they threaten to cut her circulation? Well, I see my hands looking like that when I wear rings and bracelets so I don't wear it. I thought all the pitifulness was gone, sorry. Maybe because of the headache I'm feeling all pitiful.

I treated everyone to dinner for coming with me house-looking then we went to my little brother's hotel and vegged for a few hours then headed to my big brother's house where I promptly fell asleep.

This morning I awoke w/a killer headache. Hoping it would go away if I just relaxed didn't work so I popped some aspirin, cooked chopped turkey, eggs and cheese with a liberal heaping of cayenne pepper, put the coffee on and here I am looking out the window at the brown leaves and rapidly diminishing snow listening to iTunes.

Enjoy your day!

Farewell to the Cowboys 2008 Season

2008-12-28T18:58:00.000-08:00

There are several things that I hate doing. Not because I'm lazy but because it's sometimes painful, humiliating and runs the risk of changing my relationships. Take watching football for instance. Regular readers to this site know I'm an avid Dallas Cowboy fan. Most of you know a game loss can really get me in a bad mood. You know that I scour the 'Net reading up on the 'Boys and following analysts commentaries (even though I don't agree w/most of 'em) on how the 'Boys can improve.

And I can spar with the best of 'em when it comes to defending the 'Boys because I've read up on them and know pretty much all the team's stats, star players, coach's blood type, home address, SS#. Um, maybe I shouldn't have told you all that. The point I'm making is that I know my stuff when it comes to the Dallas Cowboys.

Today I watched the Cowboys lose to the Eagles in one of the worst-played, highly anticipated, "win and you're in" games of ten seasons. I had to sit through that game, in my brother's living room and listen and watch as he and his wife laughed, shrieked, clapped, dance around and do everything short of headstands pretty much each time Tony Romo and the offense took to the field.

At the beginning of the game when it was 3-3, I was smug just sitting there rolling my eyes because I knew Romo would not let me down. And even though I despise some Dallas players, I didn't think, couldn't imagine everything I would be subjected to over the course of the next three 15 minute quarters.

And so now here I sit wondering how to release the brake fluid of my brother's Suburban so that when we go visiting tomorrow and he steps on the brakes in this ice....

Okay, maybe it's not that bad. Maybe I should just put itching powder on the bathroom tissue. Or maybe I can start a small fire around his Christmas tree. No! I got it! Vick's vapour rub in the crotch of his underwear.

While I'm thinking of ways to make them pay (cue scary music, give screeching witch laugh), I wanted to share pictures we took last night after bowling but Blogger's not allowing any pix tonight.

Bowling was fun. There were about ten of us and I scored an impressive 44 points. I'm getting really, really good at bowling. Who says black people don't bowl?

Post Holiday Update-Snow Everywhere!

2008-12-27T08:48:00.000-08:00

How was your Christmas? Were you able to relax with family or friends, even if you had to work? We celebrated the birth of Christ and the fact that so many of our family were together again on Christmas. Funny how this year we had gatherings in Boise, Jacksonville, FL and Birmingham, AL. Except for my scrooge-related sister who remained alone in Phoenix, everyone was together at the above-listed locations.

There is snow everywhere here in Boise! Driving up on Christmas Eve we were almost snowed in twice. That experience just about killed me, I ain't lying. Before this trip I'd only seen snow fall twice in my adult life. So to actually have to drive in blizzard conditions was horrifying, not cool. But the Lord blessed my brother to keep a cool head and we kept coming because to pull over would have gotten us stuck 'til the plows ran through. And we made it!

Now I'm sitting in my brother's kitchen drinking hot coffee and watching the snow fall. Big, fluffy flakes. And even though it's late, most of the house is still asleep or quiet so this is the perfect time to update my emails and see what the rest of you are doing or have done.

I won't lie and say that this has been the merriest of Christmas because of my loss and I can't explain further because tears are threatening and I don't want to get down in the dumps this morning. So I'm gonna heat me up some of that turkey and mac and cheese, refill my mug visit the world.

Photo courtesy of Tobi2008

Did You Know?

2008-12-23T15:06:00.001-08:00

Don't know when I'll get back to posting, probably a few days. Just in case I don't get around to your site, I want to wish each of you a very merry Christmas. And I pray that God blesses you with the strength, courage and fervor to face the upcoming new year!

One of my favourite Christmas songs "Mary Did You Know" sung by Kenny Rogers

Mary, did you know

That your baby boy

Would someday walk on water?

Mary did you know

That your baby boy

Will save our sons and daughters?

Did you know

That your baby boy

Has come to make you new?

This child that you've delivered

Will soon deliver you.

Mary did you know

That your baby boy

Will give sight to a blind man?

Mary did you know

That your baby boy

Will calm the storm with his hand?

Did you know that your baby boy

Has walked where angels trod?

When you kiss your little baby

You've kissed the face of God.

The blind will see

The deaf will hear

The dead will live again

The lame will leap

The dumb will speak

The praises of the Lamb!

Mary did you know

That your baby boy Is

Lord of all creation?

Mary did you know

That your baby boy

Will one day rule the nations?

Did you know

That your baby boy

Is heaven's perfect Lamb?

This sleeping child you're holding

Is the Great I Am

Merry Christmas y'all!!

Walk A Day In My Shoes-End

2008-12-23T14:11:00.000-08:00

Here it is, the finale of my average day. This post is after work so it is a quick read.

End of day and I'm heading out for the day. Depending upon how tired I am I will either stop at the grocery store for food to cook for lunch or meet w/JT and Maria to debrief and enjoy a late supper.

Most times though I'm heading home to wind down and relax. The 45 minute ride home is usually reduced to 35 minutes because traffic is lighter than the morning capacity. And you know something: no matter how light traffic is there are STILL idiot drivers! Don't they ever sleep? Or take the side streets?

I always, always drive home in the far right SLOW TRAFFIC lane because I'm just moseying and still fools get behind me, tailgating and when I slow down (because I always slow down) they change lanes then get right in front of me. How much sense does that make?! These inbred sheep murderers have the whole freeway to themselves yet they wanna bother me. Hence our high instances of road rage-people just don't act right.

My music, if I'm in the mood is mostly 91.5, Phoenix' only jazz station. It's on the NPR station that plays jazz from 8p-3a, then straight talk radio the rest of the time.

I love that ride home because that's the time to review what I've done, what I missed, replay conversations and directions given or to congratulate myself for another day I didn't tell someone what I really think about them/their presentation/their comments/dress/hair/shoes/family portrait/class schedule/pet's illness/weight gain or loss.

The remaining three or four hours of the night I'm thinking about me or reading new books or mags. One of my girlfriends turned me on to a mystery series by David Handler: The Berger/Mitry mysteries. They're really quite good if you like easy reading and geographical detail about the Northeast.

Then, it's sleepy time and it starts all over again. And so far I'm pretty grateful.

Walk A Day In My Shoes-4

2008-12-18T07:52:00.000-08:00

Let's see, I've waken, cooked breakfast, showered and driven to work. This portion of my day takes place at work. It's pretty high level for security's sake but really it's just the internal dialogue I have about the job and people I work with rather than the specifics of the job. And a note to all my ADOT pals-especially Tim-sorry for blaming your dept for the speed cameras. Give me time, I'll find something to blame on your branch:-)

On any given day I have to pass through two security checkpoints to gain entrance to the building and there are cameras too. Each checkpoint requires a badge swipe and a badge should always be seen hanging from my clothing or I'm in violation.

Making my way to my work area I speak to whichever of the hundreds of people I pass, stopping to chat if needed or just the "Hey how are you?". I too work in a maze like collection of boring grey cubicles spread through two sections of buildings. We are given the freedom to decorate our desks any way we'd like as long as it's not scantily-clad people, political or anything that may offend someone. So walking to my desk I see lots of photos of families, pets, cars, and whatever kind of stuff people place on their desks.

My desk is sparsely decorated. I have three grey walls and a window. On the right wall I have a small year long calendar. On my left a magazine page of MLK and nothing on the center wall. I have two full sized monitors and a laptop but I seldom use the laptop's monitor because of the two monitors. I get a lot of inquiries as to why my desk doesn't have that 'lived in' look. My response is that too much stuff is distracting to me and I'd rather not display pictures of family like they were in a petting zoo.

On an average day I have from 28-37 emails waiting for me (I won't ck them from home) and receive more throughout the day. I should count them to see what the average is but it's not that big of a deal. I'm able to stay on top of emails and voice msgs. On a normal day I'm at my desk most of day however normal really is relevant. Just yesterday I spent five hours in meetings. I was getting text messages from my folks wondering if I was in or coming in. During a break in one of the meetings I was able to covertly text one leader and relay that I was in the building but in meetings.

These meetings. What can I say about these meetings? Are they all productive? No! Should I have to attend so many? No, but due to the upcoming layoffs the company leaders are feeding us information to take back to our teams in hopes of diminishing the panic that's gripped my dept since the initial layoff announcement. It ain't working.

I have three of my best leaders applying outside the company and two of them already have interviews scheduled! They're wanting me to tell them not to leave, that things may change and we won't be affected by the layoffs but I can't do that. I tell my people they have to make their decisions. I don't have a crystal ball to tell them who's going and who's staying. My main purpose for my folks is to keep them as focused on their performance as possible, to be that sounding post and to try and allay their fears and dispel rumours. And the rumours that have come out: "It's this dept first!" "No, it's that dept first, my best friend's daughter's boyfriend's cousin's baby sitter's fiance' works for a dentist who has a patient who works here. He told the dentist his dept is going first!" See what I'm up against?

And gets so overwhelming to me sometimes; constantly being asked "Have you heard anything yet?" "What's going to happen Jan 1st?" Or just dealing with the negativity and fear coming from my peers. I wish I could say it's not affecting me because I know that I'll move to Boise if I'm let go but it does. Sometimes their fear soaks over me like a leaking Mont Blanc pen in a crisp white Ermenegildo Zegna shirt pocket. I have my days when I wonder why am I working so hard for a company that's probably gonna kick me on my butt in a few weeks? Why should I give any consideration or show loyalty? The company's sure not loyal to me so why should I be on time or even do anything? Will they miss me at some of these meetings? No! I can stay in my cubicle and play 'mahjong' for hours, WHO CARES!! But I have to keep focused and keep going and just continue to do my job as unto the Lord until the change comes.

Walk A Day In My Shoes-3

2008-12-16T22:52:00.000-08:00

Here's my third installment of a day in my life. If you've just found me, I decided to detail as much as possible the events of my life in one day. Dr.S. told me this is the premise of the Fox show '24'. I've never seen '24', I stole the idea from a blogger who probably stole it from '24'. This post is my drive to work as well as the beginning of my work shift. Thanks for reading!

On an average day, it takes me approximately 45 mins to get to work. I have to take two freeways and a few major streets each day so I try to leave with enough time to spare. I'm a courteous and defensive driver and for the twenty years I've driven to this factory/plant I've seen a lot of changes. The number of freeways has expanded, the amount of cars on the freeway has grown. The one thing that hasn't changed is the number of idiots on the road with me at any given time. I've seen my share of accidents and am glad no one's run into me or vice versa thanks to God's grace and mercy.

I love music and always use the radio or CD or just belt out the songs myself. I'd love to have satellite radio but that's an expense I don't want right now. For the money they want each month I could save enough to buy that red Kenneth Cole tote.

Radio in Phoenix is not very good. We do have a classical station (89.5), smooth jazz (95.5), top 40 (99.9), old school R&b (104.3), lots of Country, hip-hop and plenty of Mexican stations. I mostly listen to 95.5 or 104.3. Today I listened to my newest CD of Andrea Bocelli.

Yesterday we had our first big winter storm and it's still raining today. Weather people say this storm will last 'til Saturday but I hope it goes on for a while. I absolutely love this weather but I don't like driving in it, especially 45 minutes but it's okay as long as people don't lose their minds and start driving like idiots. I'm not sure where we are on the list, but Phoenix ranks high on road rage incidents and even murder so I keep cool because nothing's worth my being hurt or killed because some d-bag wants to change into my lane.

Another change to my freeway driving is the AZ Dept of Transportation (ADOT) has placed speeding cameras in four areas on my route and all over the I-17, I-10, Loops 101 and 303 and 51. The first month alone, the cameras caught 40,000 motorists. ADOT says it's put up all the cameras to protect motorists but most of us agree they're trying to get money out of us.

I've come to cherish the driving time both to and fro because it gives me 45 minutes of unfettered, free time to just entertain anything that comes to mind. Sometimes I sing and pray, sometimes practice speeches, presentations or difficult conversations I have to have. Often times it's just me thinking. Thinking of what ifs. What I should've, could've would've done. My folks. My boss. Her boss. My church. My hair. My budget. The layoffs. Just thinking and planning and changing my mind then planning some more.

Finally, getting to work and having to pass the secured gates and hope I can find a near or close parking spot. It's a genuine drag having to walk almost three blocks to get to work but thankfully the parking lot's still full. I don't much mind the walk during winter months but not when it's 116 degrees and I have to walk on asphalt that's reflecting the sun's rays right into your eyes and face so that I'm drenched and shiny when I finally get into the air-conditioned building.

So this is day three. I'll be back with day four.

Walk A Day In My Shoes-2

2008-12-12T09:03:00.000-08:00

If you've just joined me, I'm doing a serious of posts about one of my days. The first post dealt w/me waking and cooking breakfast and some of the thoughts that ran through my mind. Today's post takes place after breakfast, getting ready for work. Something I noticed when I was taking notes for this post is I change my mind. A lot. I even got on my OWN nerves (hee hee). Anyway, here's the post:

That was a good breakfast, if I have to say so myself. I wish I didn't have to go to work. I wanna just get back in bed and curl up w/some of the new books I bought or surf the 'Net, but somebody's got to pay these bills. Maybe I'll feel better after the shower.

Where's my towel?

Let's see, do I feel like a hot shower or just lukewarm this morning? Hmmm, no noticeable shoulder or back pain, so lukewarm it is.

"Start at the top and wash as far down as possible. Start at the bottom and wash as far up as possible. Now wash possible." I think this is from Langston Hughes' play, but I forget.

This water feels nice. Washing neck and chest area. Lift first 'girl' and scrub down and around. Rinse. Lift second 'girl' and scrub down and around. Rinse. Lift this huge belly and wash around down there making sure to rinse well.

What's my first meeting this morning? I think Susan's at 4p, the call's at 2p.

Shampoo time. Which do I feel like today? Let's go with the Motions.

[About four months ago I cut my hair short like a guy's and it's grown out about an inch. Now I have to coat it w/this gel stuff so that I don't look like Esther Rolle, may she rest in peace. I want to cut my hair back as short as it was but because I'm going to Boise at the end of the month I don't want to kill my aunts who absolutely hate women w/short hair. It's a Bible thing. Besides, I need some fur to help ward off the cold.]

Shower and hair dressing's done. It's still chilly in this bedroom. Wonder if Wook's up yet. Well she will be when this iPod goes on.

Ok, what am I wearing today? Here's that red & white polka dot dress but what jacket should I wear w/it? That knit cardigan's dirty.

Here's one of the jean skirts. It's not Friday but what the heck? Hmmm, I'd have to iron any one of these blouses so they're not gonna work. Ah, I can wear that pink blouse! It's a bit thin but I'll just wear my cloak when I go out.

Crap, the phone's going off again (frustrated sigh and grabbing the phone). It's XXXX texting me she's gonna be late. Again. Whatever hon. You'll face the consequences, not me.

Let's see, makeup time. Are we wearing neutral eyes/bold mouth or neutral mouth/bold eyes? What matches the outfit? Neutral eyes.

Jewelry? Of course, I'm naked without it! This new set is pretty but what's wrong w/this clasp? Too tight. I'll just add one of these extensions. Still too tight. Cursed fat cow neck! Where's the other extension? I cannot believe I've wasted twelve minutes on this cheap jewelry! C'mon girl, get you slow butt moving!

Sniff. Niece's up, I can smell the coffee brewing.

Let's see, who's my first meeting this afternoon?

Photo courtesy of Bernie32@Flicker.com

Walk A Day In My Shoes

2008-12-10T22:01:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna try this series of my daily activities. I was reading an article somewhere about a person who blogged each day his or her diary of EVERYTHING s/he did. I won't be that graphic because I don't want to gross anyone out and I want to preserve a modicum of modesty, no matter how thick the cloak of anonymity is. So, here's a day in my life. Try not to snicker or fall asleep.

MORNING (any morning)

It's already morning and I'm still snuggled next to my new body pillow. I'm hungry. I feel like grits this morning.

Where are my house shoes? Oh yeah, I left them in the bathroom. Groan. Creak. Get out of bed. I've never been this old in my life.

Shuffle to the kitchen after reducing liquid from bladder. Hum, better go through that pile of mail sometime this week.

Do I have any chicken broth that's already open? How come this one's empty?

Where's the spatula? No, I want the big one.

Should I make enough for lunch?

Let me turn down this fire so this stuff won't pop all over me. I should have put on my robe, it's chilly in here this morning.

Crap, the Blackberry's going off already! What time is it? I'll check it later. Don't want it to fall in this pot of hot grits. It's early so it must be Nicole or Bean. Probably a forward of a forward from Bertha.

This looks too runny. Let's get some more water in this. Should have started the kettle so I would have hot water to add to this stuff.

Gotta talk to that girl today. Tell her how close she is to being let go. Her nervousness is rubbing off on me. I feel bad for her but she's killing my numbers and I've done all I can do. She just can't do the job.

Yeah, this is thickening up just right. I'll put some cheese in instead of butter. Let's see, which kind...cheddar or Colby? Cheddar it is.

Where am I gonna find some shoes for Boise? All I have are too then and I don't need cold feet. Cold feet. Should I go to Boise? I'll have to live w/Aunt Mary for a little while but what about not having benefits? Maybe I should stay here and keep living rent-free and find something that pays until I can find something with benefits. Sigh.

Hmmm, this is a lot of grits. Where's that ugly green serving plate? Oh yeah, here we go. I'm glad I didn't give this away. Okay, hot sauce, cheddar all around.

Shoot, I should've put the teapot on but then it'll wake up Niece w/her grouchy self. I'll just drink water.

May as well go through this mail.

Junk.

Oh here's the new Economist. Love this cover. I'm not renewing this one either, can see it all online and can save that money.

Hmmm, these are pretty good. Think I'll put the teapot on, it's about time for Wooka to get up anyway. Let's see, which one shall I brew this morning?

When Did I Get A Life?

2008-12-08T21:41:00.000-08:00

Really, me. Miss-stay-at-home-nose-buried-in-book-or-magazine-seeking-tranquility-me. If I didn't know better, I'd say I was starting to get a life. It's just a phase I think. But here, you be the judge.

Because I know that I will be out of the office during the last two weeks of the month I've tried to complete any unfinished business including small projects and employee reviews. I won't say I've put in long hours last week, at least not any longer than average, it's just that I've had something to do before or after work that's kept me busy and pleasantly put off.

This weekend I picked up "Mooka" and "Butterfly" and along w/my sister we went shopping for Mooka's birthday gift. He turned nine last week and like his cousins before him, he was allowed to pick out any gift of his choice as long as it wasn't a weapon or crazy expensive. After he had made his choice, and after having me tease him about buying a baby doll, I said "Happy Birthday Mooka, I'm sorry I wasn't in town on your birthday to give this to you." He, still being at the age of innocence, grabbed me around my round belly and blurted out, "I missed you. I wanted to go to Vegas with you." Oh man, I was so tempted to buy him three more things but I controlled myself and my tears and hugged him back and kissed the top of his head and told him how much I missed him. Kids (sniff)...(sigh).

If the economists are worried that we the consumers aren't spending this year, they should have tracked shoppers at Macy's this weekend because there were lines of people at each service center, all over the store.

I went with the intent of buying bed linen because that's one thing I sorely need, especially in light of the upcoming move. Macy's was having this OneDaySale and I was able to get one sheet set and the other half price and the prices on their clearance items indicate they plan on moving that stuff out of their stores right into my bedrooms.

Later that night JT and I double-dated w/Maria and her husband. We went to this fantastic restaurant where we dined on duck terrine, pate, a cheese plate and I had to try butternut squash because I've never had it and Fermi piqued my interest. It wasn't bad but I don't think it's anything I'll try again. My main course was mahi-mahi over mashed potatoes and pan sauteed spinach. Luscious! JT had lamb shank that was so much better than my dish and he was gracious enough to share his w/me yum, yum!

The next morning, Sunday morning, I got the kids up, made a quick breakfast of bacon and scrambled eggs and off to church. My eldest youngest (?) niece joined us for church and later we went to Mooka's favourite restaurant-Pancho's all-you-can-eat.

It was a completely enjoyable day until...can you guess what may have ruined it for me? If you guessed the Cowboys/Steelers game you guessed right. How can we lead the WHOLE game three full quarters then lose it all?? It put me in a completely bad mood because I knew what would be waiting for me at work: a bunch of Cardinals and Steelers haters! I'm still screaming about that loss. Maybe I should just start watching ice skating instead of football (sigh)...(sigh). It could be worse, I could be a Titans fan (winking at Dr.S).

Last night after dropping the two kids off at their moms, which is 1.5 hours round trip, I decided I would power up the old laptop, light up my favourite candle, put on some tea and see how the rest of the world is living. Yeah, that was a good idea as I was driving back in to the city. What I couldn't have imagined is my sister had rented two movies and had to watch them before turning them back in. Why do people use RedBox? That's the biggest rip I know! I had to sit through this movie "The Shadowless Sword" or something like that when all I wanted was to relax and get a mindset for the upcoming week.

In all honesty though, the movie wasn't that bad, it's a copycat of the "Hidden Dragon" movies where all the women can swirl 30 pound swords and fly through the air while dodging bullets and those silver stars. The one feature that sets it apart from the others is this underwater fight scene. Other than that, I wouldn't advise you see it.

So, that's my week and weekend. Monday's already over and it was brutal. I wish the company had never warned of the layoffs because morale is so low and it's impacting productivity. If I didn't have to listen to four of my folks' worries, I listened to six. And two of them were peers! I just want this to be over so that we can move on w/our lives. But that's another post.

Take care of you.

My 200th Post!

2008-12-01T22:32:00.000-08:00

Considering it's taken me about two years to complete 200 posts, I think it's still reason to celebrate. Here then, reflections on my recent trip to Vegas for Thanksgiving. And pictures too!

Thanksgiving has come and gone and although our family's Center was not with us, we still had an enjoyable time, thank the Lord!

My sister and I drove over at night. If you've never been to the western States (AZ, NV, UT, NM, TX, OK, CO), you're really missing some of God's prettiest scenery! The night we left there was no moon and highway traffic was pretty light. Aside from the occasional carcass of a poor animal who had lost its battle with oncoming traffic, there was little activity until we entered the stretch of highway between Kingman and the Hoover Dam when we encountered a smattering of rain.

The drive through this section is both humbling and breathtaking, especially at night because the closer you get to the Dam and, the brighter the city's aura of light becomes. Imagine driving toward a sunrise that's manmade! That's what this piece of highway reminds you of. And because it was cloudy, the strength of the lights was even more pronounced.

My family and I have traveled this way for almost forty years, on our way to Boise and it's never looked as pretty as it did this trip.

We made it through the swirly, winding path of the Dame with only three or four vehicles on the road making the trip through only about ten minutes. There have been many times when it's taken almost two hours to go two miles due to the slow traffic caused by nervous drivers and indifferent sightseers or the occasional traffic accident. When I was younger I hated going through the Dam because it's pretty scary to me. You're on a two lane highway going up and around these short curves and corners facing on-coming traffic. And there are no railings to help keep the car from going over the sides.

Once you've climbed the last hill of the Dam, you roll atop and there below, looking like the biggest illuminated garden is Vegas! Lights everywhere gleam gold and white, twinkling at you. I've seen the garden grow over the years and it's still breathtaking.

After you've crested the surrounding hills, it takes a while to actually discern the Strip but as you keep winding down closer and closer, the outline of the different hotels/casinos begin to take shape. The first hotel I usually notice for its unique spiral top is the Stratosphere, then the Wynn twins Wynn and Encore. My favourite hotel is the Wynn and I recommend it over all the rest. Coming in second is the Bellagio, then the mighty Mirage.

As mentioned earlier, the trip was fantastic! I didn't overdo it with the food but I was no stranger either (wink). We made it in last night, just in time to see the Vikings annihilate da Bears. It's an awesome way to wind down and get in the mood for work.

In a few weeks we'll be heading back to Vegas en route to Boise for Christmas, again by car. With any luck we'll have great traveling weather-little to no snow-although the land between Ely, NV and Twin Falls, ID usually has the most weather activity during the winter months.

As promised, here are some pictures of the desert floor between Kingman and home. They're not very detailed. They were taken from my handheld in a car traveling at up to 80 mph. For some reason when I packed I forgot to pack my camera. Enjoy!!

Thankful

2008-11-27T04:59:00.000-08:00

For:

-still being able to smile after such a horrible year

-the comforts of a peaceful home

-my friends who make sure I'm okay

-my family because I need them more than they need me

-my foundation seems to be repairing (previous post)

-the freedom to pursue happiness and openly practice my religious beliefs

-the right to vote

-being able to sustain my electronic habit: Internet/laptop/iPod/Blackberry/PSP

-being an American where at least I know I'm free

-Lawrence (words cannot explain)

An Epiphany (or Paradigm Shifting)-A Really Long Rant

2008-11-24T21:52:00.000-08:00

Remember when you were in grade school or junior high and you found out you were not one of the cool kids? Maybe I presume too much so I'll talk about me (my favourite hobby if you haven't noticed).

When I was in the 7th grade (we didn't have junior high in Phoenix back then) I found out that I was not one of the cool kids. I was painfully shy, very fat and a bookworm. When the other kids were hanging out during lunch I was usually in the library poring through book after book or convincing the librarian to allow me to check out more than the allotted two books per week per student.

I had always wanted to be one of those kids but they didn't like me for all the wrong reasons and like kids can be, they played on my differences. By accident however I discovered that I had something that I could use to leverage my coolness factor. One day one of the cool tough boys Myron asked me the answer to a quiz question and I gave it to him. That it was the correct answer and that only he and I had the correct answer, he decided to sit next to me during class and even started speaking to me in the halls and at lunch.

Pretty soon word spread that I was smart, or at least smarter than most of them. I'm being serious, don't judge me. Anyway, as word spread, more of the cool kids, following Myron's lead began allowing me to hang around. Boy did my life change! No longer relegated to the tether ball lineup for 6th graders I played with Beverly and Angie and Ventrice. I ate lunch with Evelyn and Jerry-Lynn outside rather than hiding out in the library. Sure I wasn't asked to play every reindeer game but at least I was invited to enough of them to permanently change my social status.

It wasn't long before I learned that my wisdom was power and I changed from wanting to be with them to being my own social club. Those kids wanted to hang with me because I could help with grades. Yes, I became a bit of an egotistical, self-absorbed teenager and these traits followed me throughout college and even work. But I discovered last week that that image of me had all changed.

There's this group of folks at work. They are the "cool kids" if you will. You'll always find them sitting together in meetings or walking over to Starbucks during lunch. Theirs is such an exclusive group that even I wanted to become a part of them. And I tried most everything to be noticed by them including volunteering to help them complete their projects even though I was overloaded myself. I'd call into one of them on my way to work to take Starbuck's orders or even make runs to the supermarket to replenish diminishing potluck foods.

So here's where I suddenly realized how stoopid I was being with these people: last week most of us happened to be in a meeting with visiting managers and instructors when one of the "cool kids" began passing invites to a post Thanksgiving brunch. Noticing that I hadn't received one (there were only about eight of us in the room, how obvious was this), he promised to email the invite. And he did.

It was this one sentence email that listed the date and time and name of the eatery. Nothing else.

At first I was relieved and really happy that he had remembered me but then, as I re-read and re-read the email I got hotter and hotter. I mean I was so angry I could have held an ice cube and melted it in two minutes. While standing in Siberia. During a blizzard. You get the picture right?

How dare they treat me like this? Who do they think they are? Who died and ordained them the future rulers of the world? Most importantly though, when did I start thinking they were all that and two grab sized bags of chips?

And then it all came tumbling back...all the times I asked them for help and received none. The many times they went out for food and didn't include me. Having to run after them while walking to meetings. Okay, maybe I wasn't that bad but still.

Now, returning back to my sweet, egotistical, self-absorbed little self, I'm blowing them off. Today alone I've ignored two of their emails asking for help and I'm not even thinking of showing up at that stoopid little brunch. The old Debo Blue is back and they can kiss my fat butt.

Rambling

2008-11-19T22:21:00.000-08:00

I don't know about your week so far but mine has been busy and filled with meeting after meeting after meeting. It seems the company wants to fit as much into these next two weeks as possible before the Thanksgiving break. I haven't worked a regular 40 hour week job in about eight or nine years, so it's not the long hours that's bothering me. I'm used to that. I think what's bothering me more is my time away from my folks during one of our busiest seasons and with all the layoff scares and rumours running rampant.

Just this week I am scheduled for meetings that will have me away from my team and regular work for 20 hours. So when will I have time to complete regular work? After my meetings and at home this weekend of course. I know that this weekend I'll power up the laptop at home, wait for the error messages then call our tech team in India to get help troubleshooting why my card won't read. But I'm not complaining. I haven't had to bring much work home these last few months and really, this is nothing new. Besides, I really can't afford to put off some of this stuff 'til after Thanksgiving because it will impact December's numbers.

It's a few weeks from December and it's still very warm here. I read that the high today was 87 degrees! Who wants to think about Christmas when it's so hot? There's this one radio station that has already begun playing continuous Christmas music 24 hours a day. I refuse to listen to it while I'm still wearing sandals and tee shirts sipping iced tea or riding in an air conditioned car. I just want it to get cool and stay cool already! We had one cold front a couple of weeks ago but that ended as quickly as it started.

Adam "Pacman" Jones is back in the news. He is only important to me because he currently plays for the Dallas Cowboys and has done nothing but prove to everyone but Cowboys owner Jerry Jones how stoopid and crazy he really is. Get this, he had to sit out a WHOLE season because of trouble with the law. Then when Jones picked him up he was given paid bodyguards to do everything but flush and wipe him. So this clown gets drunk, has a fight with one of his free bodyguards and is fined by the NFL. If given the chance I don't know who I'd pimp slap first-- Jones for hiring this clown or Adam for being a clown and giving the haters at work more ammunition to fire at me at the sake of the Cowboys.

So anyway, all is well. Take care of yourselves.

PS-hey Keith, I heard about your generosity over at Jeni's so I got to thinking: since you're in this giving kind of mood, I've got a short list for you. Check it out and I'll pick it up anytime you're ready:+)

2008-11-17T08:38:00.000-08:00

I'm in a Marian McPartland kind of mood this morning. Quiet, tension free. All keys being played slowly, melodiously.

I've just dried up from my morning shower, scanned my calendar for today's meetings and glancing over the headlines. Still more of the same: Citigroup's laying off an additional 53k folks, and I'm sure those people are not all top managers taking home huge bonuses for jobs well done-poorly.

Over at my company they've cleared all the layoffs for this year. It begins all over again next year, which is only two months away. Funny how they didn't say "In less than sixty days we begin anew." So, God's protected me again and I'm still standing.

Everything is so tense at work. Employees leaving for stress days or those too stressed to leave for fear they'll be considered liabilities and unable to hold up under stress. For my folks who've come to me I've just given the same message: these are changing times for companies everywhere, you have to make sure there's nothing wanting in your performance. If something comes up, you'll be the second to know."

It's a sobering experience to constantly be in this environment of stress and I have to remind myself how lucky I am that if and when I'm laid off I have a back up plan and the layoff will affect just me. I don't have dependent children to worry about, no mortgage or rent and my old jalopy will be paid off in February. So when my people come to me with their worries and frustrations, I worry about them too.

There are two women in my area who have had to change to full time schedules because their husbands were laid off and their homes in foreclosure. On top of all that, one of the ladies is pregnant so we don't know what her stress level will be from one hour to the next. We're trying to buffer her from customers as much as we can, but then she feels we'll consider her the weakest link and not tell us when she's feeling overwhelmed until she's a basket case in front of her peers, causing more stress to her surrounding co-workers.

And when I'm not calming my folks, I'm having to talk my peers off the ledge which is why I'm glad that I have good friends in my life to listen to my fears and frustrations and feed me too (shout out to BFF Pete!).

So, before I go into that craziness this Monday morning, I felt like hearing Marian. Slow and easy. Melodious and light. Tension free. Here's hoping your Monday and week is like this:-)

I Think Hell Is Beginning to Freeze

2008-11-12T07:43:00.000-08:00

When you consider all the changes going on in our world, particularly US, it makes you wonder just what's going on?

New black president.

Finally falling gas prices. Although not $2.00 like in Southern states, I was still more than glad to pay $2.57 for gas last Sunday.

The Age of the Aged Quarterback. Brett Favre and Kurt Warner of the New York Jets and Arizona Cardinals respectively are leading their teams to incredible starts.

Oprah's fat again.

But of all the strange, weird and wonderful things going on, nothing can top my brother allowing me to drive his truck. Yes, you heard it hear first, my brother-a Black man-gave me the keys to his Infiniti E56 and let me drive it to that wedding I told you about a few posts back.

I couldn't believe it! The day started out as just another day except my nieces were here and we were fighting for bathroom space. My car was parked in driveway but two cars were behind me with my brother's truck being the last one out. While we were trying to organize everyone to get out to my car so that we wouldn't be late (maybe I should add that I was screaming and barking out orders) my niece discovered she couldn't locate the keys to her car, the car that was directly behind me.

My brother, being of sound mind and body casually handed me his keys and asked, "You wanna take my car Sis?"

Of course I thought he was just being cruel because he knew I was ready to go and becoming more aggravated while the twins looked for car keys. I think he could read my true feelings in my look. The look that said, "I will beat your a-- right now if you don't stop messing with me." And because he's been with me almost 34 years, knowing I'm a punctual person, knowing that I HATE waiting for people, knowing that everybody's gonna be in a bad mood in just a few minutes because I'm about to go all the way off, he said "Seriously Sis, take my truck."

So, I hefted my fat butt up in the seat after he had adjusted the seat and mirrors, turned on the guiding system (sorry, can' remember what that's called), and showed me how to work the stereo, gave one more call out to the twins and we were off.

I'm still amazed. Amazed.

Change

2008-11-04T23:33:00.000-08:00

I stand corrected. Thank you U.S. for proving me wrong.

And if I offended anyone, sincerely not my intent.

Anon, come back when you're brave enough to decloak and talk to me.

Tomorrow

2008-11-03T08:31:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the end of an historic (a historic) race for the presidency. I've read I don't know how many articles and opinions about the candidates and their running mates. I've watched countless hours of "Frontline", "Tavis Smiley" and I've listened to friends, family and co-workers on their selections and convictions and predictions. And I've been fairly quiet about the election here on my blog and in general. Today I'm sharing my opinion.

First, a bit of my history so that you can better understand my paradigm. I am the product of parents reared in the South during the 40's and 50's. My father wasn't allowed to legally vote until he was 42. My mother, born in Arkansas, was old enough to remember the Arkansas Eight so when she moved to Phoenix and found out she would attend an integrated high school, she feigned sickness for two days until her mother finally forced her to go.

My parents reared me in a strict, conservative, Christian home and they taught me that I should try to be everything I wanted to be. But. They also taught me not to expect anything given to me and they prepared me to fight for access to schools, jobs and any other pursuit of happiness (aligning w/Christian goals and beliefs of course) my heart wanted to undertake. Because I'm a Black woman in this land of milk and honey.

Politics, race and religion are always hot topics and they bring out the best and worst of us. I don't want my blog to be part of all that. I want someplace I can go without all that because it's constantly around me so why would I bring that here? I'm generally non-confrontational and reserved but I won't walk away from a fight. Even if I don't know all the sides of the fight, when I perceive personal attack to me or my loved ones, I'm known to become extremely aggressive and sometimes nasty.

With that said, I do not believe the U.S. voter who is likely to vote tomorrow will elect Barack Obama as the 44th President. I just don't believe our country is strong enough, insightful enough, or diverse enough to do that. I've heard every side of this race there is. I've seen that Obama's leading in every poll and that the media have all but reserved their place at the inauguration ceremonies in January. McCain's prepared to become the biggest comeback kid since Dewey but that's just his spin on his campaign. He'd rather be known as the "comeback kid" than "the white guy elected because the U.S. voter was too afraid to vote for the Black candidate."

We are in tumultuous times. We are besieged with rising health care costs, our children have the poorest educational scores in the world, more than 2.2 million people are unemployed and the number keeps rising. We've lost our homes and cars, we're overweight and sick with all kinds of diseases. Our banks and airlines are failing and the government is now printing worthless money to try and keep our economy afloat. What candidate in his or her right mind would want to try and tackle all this in four years?

So, Wednesday morning I'll get up, make my coffee and peanut butter toast and read the Internet about McCain's "comeback kid" win. Then I'll worry about my job, whether the Cowboys will be able to comeback after a bye week, and which grocery store has the better sales.

Am I wrong to be so critical, pessimistic and unbelieving? I don't think so. I've been wrong before, but I don't think I am this time. I've got a whole 200 years of American history to back me up.

Witches Warlocks and Stevie Nicks

2008-10-31T23:48:00.000-07:00

At work today I saw a woman who reminded me of Stevie Nicks. The long frizzy/curly hair. The outrageously high black boots. The flowing dress made of handkerchiefs or rags. And of course, being reminded of Stevie had me rummaging through the old iPod for one of my favourite duets.

Are you familiar with the song "Leather and Lace" sung by Stevie and Don Henley? Don't worry if you're not. Melon and Dr. S remember it. Anyway, during the opening lyrics of the song Stevie's singing that Don the male voice thinks she's fragile and she goes on to sing, "I have my own life and I am stronger than you know."

So, because I have too much time on my hands, I started thinking about how funny this song really is as it relates to Stevie Nicks.

The first thing I thought is Stevie actually carries the song which is okay because it's on her album anyway. The second thought was during the duet part, Stevie actually makes Don sing the high part or the part usually done by the female in a duet. Thus the power of Ms.Nicks-able to overpower even the great Don Henley-Mr.Eagle himself. And although I don't like much Rock, I will admit to a weakness for Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks. If I'm further pressed I'll admit to liking Bryan Adams, a little bit of Whitesnake and just a taste of the Eagles and that's all. I don't want to jeopardize my "sista card".

Anyway, as the title suggests, this is also about little witches. I had to work late tonight and unfortunately missed the parade of ghouls, witches and princesses and warlocks.

It was warm this evening so sweaters were not needed. Nothing to impede or hinder blinking lights where eyes should be. No heavy coats stifling flowing satiny skirts. I know some of you had snow this Halloween and while I don't want snow or freezing temps, I would have liked cooler haunting weather. I believe the high today was in the low to mid 90's again.

So, to all the parents and relatives of humans that annually turn into ghouls, witches and princesses, I leave you with a picture of one of the cutest little witches I've seen in a few years. I'm biased, don't judge me. I've also included the lyrics to my all time Stevie Nicks duet.

"Stop Dragging My Heart Around"

Baby you'll come knocking on my front door

Same old line you used to use before

I said yeah, well what am I supposed to do

I didn't know what I was getting into.

So you've had a little trouble in town

Now you're keeping some demon down

Stop draggin my

Stop draggin my heart around.

Ebb And Flow

2008-10-29T22:26:00.001-07:00

Ebb and flow.

Ebb and flow.

Life brings tears,

Ebb and flow.

Life brings joy,

Ebb and flow.

Man finds a woman, a love begins,

Ebb and flow.

Children are born and so they grow,

They leave home.

Ebb and flow.

We grow old and try to teach our young

That life is precious and love is a gift.

Man holds his woman, holds her real tight.

But death still parts them,

Ebb and flow.

Children are shocked, angered and sad

But they'll soon learn that it's just life.

Ebb and flow.

Just something I was feeling and wanted to share.

Winding Down

2008-10-26T22:27:00.000-07:00

Hear that? If you hear the low rumbling of the oscillating fan sitting across the room and Herb Alpert is playing softly through iTunes, you're almost as chill as I am right now. A great weekend after a horribly long and tedious week.

The Triplets came down-two from Vegas and one from Jacksonville, FL. Last July my eldest niece "Bean" was married and moved with her new husband to Jacksonville, leaving her two sisters in Vegas. This weekend she came down to be in her childhood friend's wedding so her sisters decided to surprise us all by coming over to be with us. This led my brother to bring his two children over to spend time with their cousins and "Wilhela's" little one year old Mariah or "Puntin" as she's nicknamed. S0 imagine if you will, three children under eight, running around outside and inside the house, lots of laughter, catching up and holiday planning, cooking something everyone wants and deciding where to eat the two times we went out.

I love having my family around, hence my decision to move to Boise if my employment is severed. Jeni asked for an update about that but I don't have anymore information than I did a month ago. We're all just waiting to see where the axes are going to hit and wondering how we're gonna make it w/o our jobs.

Fred Hammond's on now "You Called Me Friend". I'm excited and scared at the same time about the upcoming layoffs. The first question on every one's lips is "Have you heard anything yet?" or "Has there been any news?" I'm not sure what the hold up with the announcements is because the company announced that we would lose personnel so why not just tell us and put us out of our collective misery? Speculators think the company's waiting 'til after the election, but I think they're waiting to see how much of that bailout pie they'll be able to get their hands on before deciding who gets gone. Lamar Campbell's now playing "I Don't Care What It Looks Like" and that's just what I have to remember-I don't know what my future looks like, but I know what it's going to be.

But back to my wonderful weekend: the wedding was beautiful. It started out with a Scripture reading from the book of Genesis, when God puts Adam to sleep and removes a rib, then a beautifully rendition of the Lord's Prayer. This wedding had a lot of music-the bride sang as she came down the aisle and the groom sang after they exchanged vows. It was simple, sweet and truly lovely.

So, here I lay typing away, listening to my iTunes and just relaxing. Bean left this morning for Florida and her sisters left after dinner to Vegas. Leon Patillo just came on "Don't Give In". I'd forgotten he's in this mix of "quiet" sounds but it's a good surprise. Have a great week everyone. I'll be around to your sites more often this week I hope. Last week I missed some great happenings over at Dr. S's and Jeni's which means I have to visit more often than every four days.

And by the way, the Cowboys won (shout out to Dr. S) and the Steelers didn't. This was a REALLY GREAT WEEKEND!!

PS-Jennifer and Julia Hudson, we're praying for you!

2008-10-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

My brother from Idaho came down last Friday and stayed with us 'til early Sunday morning. Aside from driving construction trucks and hauling hazardous materials he's also a pastor so he had to cut the trip short in order to get back to his congregation.

I took Friday off from work to spend more time with him because we just can't afford to see each other as oft as we would like. As a pastor he travels a lot, then he's working and I'm down here working and traveling when I can so we call each other or share emails. So, if I get this downsizing package from work, I'm moving up to Boise as quickly as possible. But back to his visit.

While all four of us were together (my sister and two brothers and I) we decided to take formal studio pictures because we haven't had formal sittings, all of us together, for about two years so it's time.

On Friday when he got in we all went together with him to run his errands, and really spent all day together from 8:30a 'til midnight and didn't fight or snap or snarl. First because we each wanted our short time here to be sweet and we agreed we wouldn't talk about politics -my brothers are ardent Obama supporters, my sister and I are not-, or any aspects of each others' lives -don't point out my shortcomings and I won't call you a loser-.

Saturday we had to separate because of other commitments but we all came together again at dinner, this time with nieces and nephews and other friends. I spent the night with my two brothers and we stayed up 'til 2am, then had to get right back up at 5am to get my brother to the airport by 6a. My little brother lives in Scottsdale road right off of the 101 (Keith, you know the area right?) which is about 45 minutes from Sky Harbor airport.

I didn't go to church Sunday, slept through every alarm and unfortunately woke early enough to watch the Cowboys get played like a craps game in Vegas! My cowboys! My cowboys! And what's worse is a work w/a bunch of HATERs who are suddenly Cardinals fans just because the Cards are having ONE good opening season. Let's see how supportive these people are during playoffs.

It's still early here, about 8:45. I awoke around 7am because of a horrible dream. So I got up and cleaned the bathroom. Now normally, cleaning does nothing for me. It's not a tension breaker or method of relaxation for me. I just couldn't stand looking at that filthy shower and sink another day. Well, after 45 minutes of scrubbing and wiping, I went back to bed for about 45 minutes. Now I'm up drinking Macadamia coffee my friend Pete brought me from Hawaii and reading my blogs.

Hope your week gets better or is going well, folks.

Bittersweet Memories

2008-10-14T22:04:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you've seen the weather reports but here in Phoenix we've had some wonderful weather the last few days. The high temps were only in the low 80's, breezy bright sunshiney days.

It used to be my parents and I, my siblings and cousins and my aunts and uncles would begin preparing for our annual pilgrimage to visit my grandfather Pastor E.T. James in Brinkley, AR and to attend the Annual conventions of the COGIC. We'd all crowd into that little four bedroom shack complete w/woodburning stove and eat, laugh, sing, remember and just love being together.

We here in Phoenix knew that as soon as 1)the weather fell below 90 degrees and 2)the Arizona State Fair arrived and 3)Halloween decorations were being sold it was time to start thinking about what would be worn in Memphis and Big Daddy's house. Momma always began the first onslaught of cooler weather by cooking a big pot of greens and chitlins (chitterlings) but after Daddy had his stroke in '92, Momma replaced the chitlins with a big pot of beef stew or beef oxtails.

Airline tickets were purchased, trips to the dry cleaners and shoe repairman became frequent. Hair appointments were made. Vacation time scheduled at work and that requisite call to Big Daddy to ask permission to come up.

I can't remember when that call became a ritual and I've just remembered it while writing this. I would call Big Daddy about two or three weeks prior to our arrival and ask if it was okay if my parents and I would be able to come up. Big Daddy would respond nonchalantly "Yeah. Y'all come on up and I'll see if I can find some space for you here." We knew that he'd be so excited about us coming but it was a sweet ritual.

We'd get to Brinkley and Big Daddy would have squirrel, catfish, chickpeas, pepper, sorghum molasses, green tomato slaw and whatever else he thought Momma would want or need. Back then, we always traveled with an empty Igloo to hold all this food we would ship back to Phoenix.

The picture above is my mom in green, my big brother and his wife in pink and my aunt Mary.

Today Big Daddy is gone. Most of those who traveled with me to Brinkley are gone. So when the weather became cooler this week we didn't eat greens, nor chitlins. There are no plans to travel to Brinkley. There is no one waiting for that phone call, no one to pick us up at the airport. No travel plans, no empty Igloo.There is steak thawing for a big pot of stew though. And time to make a new cooler weather memory.

Not Feeling Well

2008-10-08T21:35:00.000-07:00

Left work early tonight, my throat that started as a bit scratchy and tender yesterday is full of that yucky white puss that coats my tonsils and makes turning my head a real pain. And then I had a coughing attack and thought I was going to pass out! My sister thinks it's streph throat but I don't think so. I've had streph before and this is no where near that pain.

So here I sit in my favourite chair, listening it iTunes (they've just changed their format to the new Touch display so the site looks AWESOME!). Right now Alabama's "Forever's As Far As I'll Go" is playing. Sade's next.

I tried watching T.V. but I don't have the patience. Most of you know I work nights and don't Tivo anything so this evening line up of shows is foreign to me. And, I'm one of those people who change channels during commercial breaks to watch other shows. One show did catch my interest only because of how stoopid it seems to me- "Pushing Daisies". I've never seen the show, don't know anything about it except that tonight two nuns were in the convent cursing and drinking while in Prayers, and everything seemed like a Forties radio show with pictures. I won't be seeing that one again.

"The Practice" was the next and that seemed too dreary to watch. Warning: playa-hating upcoming...Here I am sick and tired and I have to watch these thin rich doctors who work in this fabulous-looking doctor's office lament about their lives? Nope.

So here I am, reading blogs and playing Mahjong.

If you haven't already done so, stop over at Jeni's and wish her a very peaceful, very happy birthday. She's amazing!

Smart Me

2008-10-05T22:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, this will probably cause an overwhelming desire to roll your eyes and think, "This woman really doesn't have a life, does she?" Well, roll them if you must, but I'm sitting here in 90-degree weather feeling very pleased with myself. You see, today I discovered that shopping with coupons and buying only items that are on sale will indeed help you lower grocery costs. Now here's where the post gets boring....here are my items purchased today:

4 lbs of grapes at .88cents per lb

Jennie-O ground turkey (BOGO)

Apple Jacks cereal (BOGO)

Sobe drinks at $1 each (bought about 6)

Arizona tea @ $1 each (bought about 6)

5 lbs of ground beef at $1.98 per lb

Pkt of six chicken breasts (skinless/boneless)

Vitamin C & Iron (BOGO)

Chicken broth 4 cans at .75 cents each

Chewing gum $1 each (bought 2)

Northern tp. We normally use Charmin but it wasn't on sale.

Phoenix magazine

Broccoli crowns at .99 cents per lb

Cauliflower (forgot price)

I saw this lady on one of the local morning shows boast about how much money she routinely saves by using coupons and only buying sale items and decided to try it myself. So, packed with the sale circular and a grocery list, I headed to my local Safeway grocery store and purchased above-listed items, saving a whopping $60 bucks! Yeah, I know some of you will say Wal-mart would probably still beat those prices but when you add up the additional gas to get to my nearest Wal-mart, find a parking space, wander around the store trying to find everything then waiting 20-30 minutes just to check out, you'll agree I saved money and time.

And I'm feeling smart and very pleased with myself.

Ode To My Falling 401k

2008-10-01T09:44:00.000-07:00

Autumn has come
Nights are cooler
Leaves are falling
Just like the value of my 401k.

Sleeves will become longer
Sandals will be left behind
Sweaters will be repaired
Just like the next few years of my 401k.

The holidays are coming
And the AZ State Fair
Shorts will be put away and remembered
Just like the previous amounts of my 401k.

Time to start planning Halloween decorations
Voting on Halloween themes at work
Time for endless consumption of candy and sweets
And the occasional sleeping pill because I can't stop wondering if I'm gonna end up homeless and broke because experts are now warning that mutual funds and money market accounts are not as iron clad as previously perceived.

Okay, so it doesn't rhyme or match
Maybe after today's Congressional vote I'll have more to cheer about.

Where's My Bailout?

2008-09-26T09:07:00.000-07:00

When I was in my late thirties my father died. He had lived to be 82 years old and died and left us here to deal with life w/o him. He died early one Tuesday morning right before Thanksgiving so funeral plans were hurried because the morticians would not be working Thanksgiving.

As my mother, her best friend and I sat in the private room w/the mortician discussing the arrangements, the casket, family car and other necessities I panicked at hearing how much everything was going to cost. My father had an insurance policy but it wasn't enough to pay the full cost of the funeral. My mother's friend donated about $1500 and my mom and I came up w/the rest. So, here's the reason for the post-at that time in my life I had only saved $700.

I had a good paying job, lived at home w/the folks so didn't pay rent or groceries. I helped out w/the utilities and whatever else I would give my parents but it wasn't much. My car was paid off so why didn't I have any money? Sure, a boyfriend had helped my invest in a mutual fund but it was still only $2k, what if something serious had happened to me? Every bit of my money was going to credit cards-my one source of survival-and most of them were maxed out. If my mom's friend hadn't been so generous my mother would have had to pay for Daddy's services all by herself. Three grown children and not one of us had resources or funds to help out.

So, that horrible event of losing my father spurred me to begin saving money. Each of my eleven credit cards were cancelled and paid off, from the smallest to the highest. The monies I would have spent for paying credit cards was then taken from my paycheck and placed in a Credit Union that didn't have ATM cards and was not convenient to reach.

I bought books by Suze Orman and Melody Hobson that taught me how to create realistic budgets, ways to better manage my money and then how to invest some of the money. I would read the Motley Fool every Saturday to get hints on stocks and companies etc. And slowly but surely I began living within my means and saving my money. No one came to bail me out. My mom couldn't. My brother and sister couldn't. They were raising families, how stupid would it look for them to give me money to pay bills and I'm sitting at home every day w/no children and no rent or car payments? I can imagine their response: "Oh hell no!"

So now the great investment banks of the 90's and their rich players are receiving aid to survive. Rather than pull themselves out of this mess by their $25,000 Prada bootstraps they're shoving those boots right up the taxpayers' a-----. And you just know those people will never have to work again in their natural lives. They've made so much money they can live in Europe and use the euro to buy cheap American goods.

Sorry for the rant. I'm home on a conference call so while everyone's trying to make a point about how this re-engineering (which is the direct result of my financial company losing money) should go, I decided to post. Maybe I can find a job at a bank.

2nd Week and I'm Still Standing

2008-09-23T23:23:00.001-07:00

Yippee!! Glory to God!! My 2nd full week returning to work and I'm still standing! The first week was as smooth as the skin on Yul Brenner's skull (may he rest in peace) and went as quickly as a bag of Lay's potato chips.

This week started out with glum news though. My peer lost her mom to a battle with Alzheimer's and diabetes. Our group received news that our positions are being reviewed for "re-engineering" with a high likelihood of our current jobs going away and us having to find other jobs within the company.

First, I feel bad for my friend because I know the struggles and changes she and her family had to make with the care of her mother. From accompanying her to the doctors to having her sent to a private home because the care-giving became too great.

Regarding the re-engineering...I'm sorta torn between a whole lot of feelings. On one hand I think being laid off will allow me to finally move to Boise and be w/the rest of the family. I want the quiet nights. The change of seasons. Snow on Christmas morning. Always being w/family for the holidays. Family fishing trips and picnics. Sunday dinner w/everyone (well, not during football season of course). Watching the 3rd generation of us grow and develop into adulthood.

On the other hand, I don't want to leave here and have no one able to take care of the house. Neither my brother and sister are currently employed so it's me paying the bills and taxes. If I leave for Boise will I have to keep the house up? Find renters? Sell? I'm pretty certain my brother won't follow me to Boise because that dull life will eventually kill him. Besides, his children are here and he can't leave them behind.

My sister? She lived in Boise for about eleven years and has been adamant of never returning to live. I don't know what she'll do but she's extremely resourceful and won't have any trouble taking care of herself. I just don't think she'd be able to handle the house alone. We'll have a family meeting to decide what steps to take after the company's decision is announced.

Then there's the fear and disappointment with finding another job outside the company. The last time I looked there weren't many exciting positions for middle aged women in this youth-centric work place. I'd probably have to start at the bottom of a new company and hope I could work myself up again.

But that's not what I'm going to worry about now. I'm going to embrace this change because it's inevitable and there's no amount of worrying, fretting or missing sleep that can stop it.

Cie la vie!

TGMO-"Thank God Monday's Over"

2008-09-15T22:03:00.000-07:00

First day back at work and it went amazingly smooth and easy. Before I left for work my sister and I prayed that it would go smoothly and not get me all in panic and attack mode. Prayer changes things!

So, the workday started out with the usual: me eating a breakfast of 12-grain toast and peanut butter and a drink and alternately watching "The View", "Regis and Kelly" and "Judge Mathis". I'm one of those TV watchers that has to switch channels every two minutes if it's boring or during commercial breaks. It's a bad habit and irritates those watching TV w/me but were unlucky enough to let me have the remote first.

Following breakfast was a shower and dressing in my "power uniform" which I wear whenever I've got a lot to deal with and I want to appear confident yet stylish. The uniform is any black skirt (I have about 8 black skirts) and a white top (too many to count). Muted eye makeup, lots of mascara and a bold mouth, maybe a dark berry lip gloss or stay put colour. A few sprays of cologne to complete the "power" look-usually Armani Code or Quelques Fleur- and I'm out the door.

I started carrying my lunch after realizing how much of my money was being spent on lunch, brunch, snack and dinner. I've seen a great savings in this area coupled with having more portion control, sodium and fat intake.

Arrived to work and the day went by so quickly and again so smoothly I'm not that tired. I am however, in my room while my niece and sister chat happily in the living room. I've lit my favourite spearmint candle from Bath & Bodyworks, listening to a jazz station from the Radio Guide and adding this entry.

Did anyone notice the full moon? I love the night and full moons. A full moon adds beauty to everything, I think. Under a full moon my eye lashes are longer, my skin looks softer, my hips look slimmer and my lips look fuller.

On the ride home the moon was just making its way to the downtown skyline. I wish I had a camera to capture that beautiful scene. Instead I borrowed this picture from joka2000 at Flicker.

Well, that's my Monday. I'll finish this post then off to visit my faves, a few rounds of Mahjong on Yahoo! and hopefully a restful sleep.

Simply the Best!

2008-09-15T22:00:00.001-07:00

My Week (A Review)

2008-09-13T14:38:00.001-07:00

This is the end of a month long medically-imposed vacation from work and boy am I sorry to see it end. As a matter of fact last night I dreamt of returning to work. It was a strange dream; my office was in this great, high mountain and to get down I had to place my feet in holes built into the side of the mountain. Although the views were fantastic, I knew I would never be able to leave without a helicopter or other help.

While I never worry too much about calamities that befall the rich, I feel especially sorrowful for the folks that run Lehman Brothers. No, I'm not an owner of Lehman stock, nor do I know any of the rich people running the place. My concern is that another American business landmark has landed in tough times and they're looking -nay- begging for someone to buy them out in pieces. I read one article that said a HongKong banking consortium was deciding whether to buy the company. Hershey's chocolate is being made in Mexico, more and more of our American companies are foreign-owned and I think it's sad.

Governor Palin continues her quest to help McCain become the next U.S.President. It's just my opinion, but I'd rather have Biden a VP than Palin only becuase of his knowledge. I suppose if she and McCain did win the election and he died in office she could surround herself with knowledgeable people. But wow!

I cut my hair. It's very short. My best friend Maria doesn't like it too much. She thinks I should colour it a light brown or maybe an auburn because my dark skin coupled with my dark hair weakens my features. My two best friends Pete and JT think it's pretty cool although JT thinks highlights will work too. My family likes it but my brother's slow to take to it. He's the only one who thinks it makes me look a little "butch". No one at work or church has seen it yet. I'll know their opinions tomorrow and Monday but it's too late now. I like it although at first I wondered what in hell I had just done to myself but the shampooing and styling is reduced to three whole minutes a day so I'm really loving it now. My therapist thinks I cut my hair as a demonstration of control. He's partly correct. Control and I was tired of taking care of it every single God-given day.

You know those 500 or so Texas residents who refused to evacuate and then needed the Nat'l Guard to come rescue them as the storm grew stronger? If I were the government I would have left them right there and not jeopardize the lives of my crew to go get them. For a whole week officials told them to leave but no, they want to ride out the hurricane. Good. Sit there in the darkness treading water and get along the best you can.

Well, as I sit in my hot and sunny state I'll put this up and watch "Forbidden Kingdom" with Jackie Chan and Jet Li. Have a great weekend everyone!

Finally!

2008-09-07T21:17:00.000-07:00

The 'Boys are back! And I'm so ready!

My Crowded Bed

2008-09-06T19:34:00.000-07:00

I'm having troubles sleeping.

Not because of bad dreams, insomnia or stress. Well, sometimes those do affect me but not for this post. I'm having trouble sleeping because my bed's becoming more and more crowded.

Each night I lay down with my laptop, my iPod shuffle, any magazine or book I was reading or had intended to read before falling asleep, the remote controls to my other iPod and TV and DVD player and my life-sized cutout of Dave Baptista. I've got to get rid of some of this stuff because it's bothering me. Let me tell you how all this ended up in bed w/me.

Well, the last few months I've had troubles that have prevented me from being able to rest or sleep at night. I've tried several prescription meds. Most failed except the real strong ones. Because I don't want to become addicted to any medications, I began trying to find my own ways of falling asleep.

I tried reading the Bible, especially the Books of Numbers and Leviticus. Trying to get through all of those "...who begat LLL who begat MMM the son of NNN" should put ANYONE asleep right? Well, sometimes.

Then I tried reading O. The articles are usually quick and informative and won't cause too many brain patterns to scramble. Didn't help.

Next I created a Shuffle of relaxing music that I could play quietly while counting sheep. That worked for a little while but I'd find myself either choking myself with the earphone cords when turning over in my sleep or laying upon the earphone which caused my inner earlobe to hurt.

Then the laptop. I got this crazy idea that playing Mahjong could help me fall asleep but I'd get so into the game that if I kept losing w/low scores I'd be too frustrated to sleep! Plus, if and when I did wake up and couldn't fall back to sleep, the laptop would be close by to pull up to watch Olympic scores.

I should point out that I have decided on changes to make immediately:

1) I'm going to put up the laptop for the night

2) No more magazines

3) I'll use the alarm clock radio which will click off after 90 mins instead of the iPod

Baptista stays.

The Sure Foundation

2008-09-04T18:02:00.000-07:00

When I was in my preteens my parents built a new home -our current home- built brick by brick. There were no mortgages, no financial backings, no loans from the bank. As they accumulated the money, more of the house would be built. It was a slow process and I remember how my friends and other neighbours would tease us about never living long enough to actually live in the house.

Well, eventually, about five years after the foundation was laid we moved in, right across the street from our delapidated shack of a home into the fanciest brick home on the block. My mother had a special dinner for some close friends and had the pastor come and bless the house.

While the house was being built, I remember wandering over while the builder was pouring the concrete for the foundation and wondering why my parents were so excited about concrete. My mother explained that now that the foundation was being built, nothing could stop the process. The foundation was the most important part of the house and as long as it was secure and correct, everything else would be alright.

In my church we used to sing a song: "What more can He do? What more can He do? He laid the foundation and He opened up the way. What more can He do?" This means God has established us and we have a firm, sure foundation. One that cannot be moved or destroyed.

Well, a few months ago, metaphorically speaking, my foundation was shaken and I don't know to what extent it's damaged. I have all these little cracks going here and there but most of them don't appear to be deep, they can easily be filled and repaired. Unfortunately there still remain deep crevices that I don't know can be repaired. I don't want the house on the foundation to be destroyed because my parents put too much into it. My parents nurtured this house and did everything they could to make it a home, livable, enjoyable and all things to us.

I don't know what to do to make the repairs. Time? Family? A new contractor or the one that built it in the first place? A few months ago I didn't know how to contact the original Contractor and I didn't believe He could or would be willing to help even if I did call. I know He hears me and He knows me. I just have to accept His work plans and believe in His decisionmaking.

Standing In History's Path

2008-09-01T20:07:00.000-07:00

This political scene just keeps on getting more interesting every day doesn't it? No matter who we elect in November it will be a historic moment--either the first Black President or the first female VP.

I'm excited that Senator McCain chose Governor Palin. Not because of her policies and stuff like that. Nope, I'm excited because of her sex. I felt Senator Clinton, a political pioneer in her own right should have been given the VP selection because she brought 18 million other voters with her. With power like that, she should be rewarded w/the VP. My sister thinks she'll be the reckoning steel ball in four years so while the next Pres is in office staring at the economic sheets and complaining about the previous administration, Clinton will be strenghthening her campaign teams, including raising more money.

Now it seems Palin's closets are being x-rayed and probed deeper than a fat woman's body going through an airport security screen. And just like my hips, Palin's skeletons are jiggling out for the whole world to view and comment about. Like me.

Her 17 year old daughter's pregnant. Her 5 month old son is her daughter's not hers. She tried to get her ex-brother-in-law fired after he divorced her sister. Yikes! I feel sorry for Palin having to open her life up and suffer all the indignities we know will be produced. Now every voting record, every picture with big hair, every surgery and comment by her will be reviewed and commented on by supporters and the media and the haters.

Either way, no matter how you look at it my fellow Americans, we are standing in the path of a historic election. And I'm so glad that I will play a part in it.

The Weather and Obama

2008-08-29T08:27:00.000-07:00

Last night it rained in Phoenix. We're talking serious, hurricane resembling rain! It was a great night.

My two year old niece "Butterfly" and I watched Senator Obama give his acceptance speech. And although I'm still not confident of what his presidency will look like, I had to watch the speech because my parents would have been so proud to have seen him, standing there in that great crowd, speaking of his plans as President.

I have to give my niece kudos for being a patient little munchkin for most of the speech. She quietly played around me, glancing at the screen only during the cheering and the fireworks at the end. She doesn't understand why the room was so quiet and why I was so proudly telling her, "Look Butter, look at that guy!" She'll understand one day once we've told her how her grandparents and other Black Americans endured injustice and even death to pay for all that Senator Obama embodies for us as a people and a nation.

After the speech we did a quick run at the grocery store then sat outside and watched the lightning show. It was spectacular, far nicer than regular old fireworks. Then the first storm hit and I started looking for candles because the winds were strong enough to topple two garbage cans and bend my neighbour's trees. I kept the door open because I love rain and wondered if she (Butterfly) would become frightened but no, she made me proud again. She would venture out as far as I thought she should go (it's still lightning at this point) and began a little mantra of "rain, wa-wa, rain, wa-wa". Who knows, perhaps she'll be a rain worshipper like her Aunt Debo Blue?

Loose Change

2008-04-13T19:26:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl coins (change) fascinated me. My father used to collect all types of coins-silver dollars, .50 cent pieces, Buffalo nickels and pennies with wheat symbols on the back. Although not a collector in the true sense of the word, Daddy would still put away certain coins for as long as I can remember. When he died there was (and still is) a small safe that contains very old coins.

I've never been a collector of anything except Martha Grimes and Agatha Christie mysteries but I would save my change for my nieces and nephews who, after kidnapping the ice cream man, would run into the house desperately needing money for treats from the ice cream truck. As the kids grew up and away, I've continued saving my change, cashing it in when the pewter pig that I keep it in becomes too heavy.

I usually roll the coins while watching mindless t.v. or listening to the old iPod. The rolled coins I'd keep in a Ziploc container until that became too heavy and I'd haul it all in to either be deposited in to my account or cashed. I've been doing this for so long I was shocked, surprised then angry when my credit union announced that they no longer accept rolled coins!

Say what?!

Now I can understand them not wanting rolled coins if they exceed a certain amount (or weight), like that guy a few years back who had like $10k in pennies. I don't have $10k in pennies. I don't even have 10k pennies. I only have about $150 bucks and you will no longer accept it?

Okay, I turn around and march over to my bank who has it posted all over their lobby that they now charge a 5% fee to accept rolled coins!

Are you serious?

What am I supposed to do w/all this change, all these coins sitting in my bedroom not making any money? Am I supposed to use it to buy things? So a thought comes in to my head: why don't I just use these coins to buy gift cards or traveler's cheques? Hee-Hee.

"No, you can't Ma'am" the guy wearing a woman's engagement ring and too much lip gloss sings to me. "We can no longer accept rolled coins to buy anything, but you can take your coins to one of the Coinstar locations listed here and use their machine to cash in your coins."

So defeated, I lug those coins back in the car and come home. I think I'm gonna start a coin collection.

Just Some Rambling Going On In My Head

2008-04-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

Here's a picture of the birthday girl (in pink) on Easter Sunday. My godmother is in the white.

Nothing in particular to write about today, just some odds and ends going on in my head. I should add a disclaimer that the thoughts and views of the this blog do not necessarily represent the views of Blogger.com. I got that message this morning when logging on. Don't know why, maybe some lawsuits going on somewhere?

First off, it's Mommy's birthday! The Triplets came down from Vegas to help celebrate and we (me, Momma, Godfrey, Wooka and the Triplets) went to Momma's favourite steakhouse "The Stockyards" for good food, great service and good time. After dinner we all retired back to the house to watch Tyler Perry's lastest play "What's Done in the Dark". Surprisingly we all watched the full play w/nary an interruption. something that's never happened in our house before.

The economy is forcing me to become a Walmart shopper because food prices at Safeway and Fry's, my favourite grocery stores, are so crazy expensive. Couple this with paying $3.23 for a gallon of gas that I have to cut costs and right now Walmart seems the only feasible solution. Last week I even looked at the coupons that come in the local newspaper to see who has the best sales.

My sister's a big fan of shopping at the .99 cent and Dollar stores. I've usually shopped at these places when I need paper plates and forks and things but she's found savings on everyday foodstuffs like bread and milk so I may incorporate these places in to my shopping outings. These plans all sound good now when the temperature's 83 degrees. Y'all know I'm not doing all this running around when it gets 118 degrees outside!

Well, time to go see what everyone else is doing today.

Have You Kissed Your Employees Lately?

2008-04-06T23:57:00.000-07:00

Today I spent most of my day working on my employees' performance reviews. I have about fifteen to write but I have a plan-I try to complete at least two per day to make sure they're all done by the deadline. So far it's always worked however I had so much other life to take care of I couldn't keep my two per day goal so I thought I'd better power up the old lappie and get down to the nitty gritty. Wow, does ANYONE say "nitty gritty" anymore?

Normally working on reviews isn't that bad because my people have completed them, I just have to go through and add my own comments. Occasionally I get the review from the person who thinks they're all that and two bags of Frito's lime and salt chips and it's my job to remind him/her of all the days they were late; leaving w/o completing their portion of the project; completely ignoring my instructions; adding fuel to the rumour/hate mill or just being an all around pain in the rear.

I have a slight bit of OCD, I think most of you regulars know this. When I do my reviews they're always in alphabetical order. I can never skip around, it has to be alphabetical. The only reason I bring this up is because completing reviews for the employees I like (yes, I don't like some of my people) is always easier because there's so much I remember or know that they did to help me during the year. Those not as high up on my "I like you" meter are the ones I have to just force myself to say something original and heartfelt even though these people know I would pay them to leave the Company. If I could just do the reviews of my "good people" the review time could be cut in half but because it has to be alphabetical, I just have to muddle through.

And because I know that these reviews will be viewed by potential bosses when they're applying for jobs, I don't want to just skewer these people's reputations or completely dismiss their accomplishments, but then if I don't address it I'm just passing off bad behaviour to the next manager and that's not fair either to my reputation or to the person who hires the employee.

I remember my first awful review. My boss at that time was courteous enough to prepare me for it beforehand so that I wouldn't pass out or beat her down like the clown she was. On the day it was administered she had brought in her peer and they had tissue for me but I put on a brave front. Signed it, made about a page and a half of notes of why I felt it was unfair and left for the day, using my sick time.

This bad experience helped me be more focused and humane during these poor reviews but I hope that I've set expectations all along so that my people won't be surprised when they see the review.

I was over at Fermi's and she was telling us that she did her taxes today. I should have done my taxes too. I only use the 1040EZ so it takes all of eight minutes to complete. I'll try to do them tomorrow because I have a bet w/my mother that I'll have finished my taxes before 4/15 at 11:30pm, my normal time. I've just got to beat her.

Happy week everyone!

Spring Is Here!

2008-04-05T18:54:00.000-07:00

Ah Springtime in the desert!

If there's anyplace more beautiful I haven't found it. Every thing's "more" in Phoenix during our brief Spring, usually between March 1st and April 30th, after that it all goes to hell.

In Spring we have beautiful green lawns, flowers and cacti are blooming, our mountain preserves are covered with a soft mossy grass that tempts a quiet stroll and long conversations. Coupled with the rich smell of freshly mowed lawns and blooming citrus trees, the air around Phoenix is usually filled with the aromas of hundreds of charcoal and gas grills burning everything from chicken to barbecued ribs to grilled fish. If it can be cooked on a grill, Phoenicians are grilling it.

I love our springtime sunsets. It seems to me the sun's rays take on more vibrancy during this time. The purples are purpler, the oranges orangery. My office window faces westward so I'm blessed to see an outstanding display of colour each night. Yeah, I know that all those colours are comprised of gas fumes and other pollutants but give me a break, I'm waxing poetic here:-)

We had a lot of rain here in February which produced acres and acres of green weeds, or as my mother calls them "landscaping profits". Although the weeds have now become a pain and unsightly mess, they were very useful this Easter when hiding Easter eggs. I'm telling you, some of these weeds were almost 3 feet high! I still don't know how many eggs are still out there waiting to be found. I'm sure the lawn guys will find them later.

So, I think I'm back for awhile. Life's problems and troubles seem to again be calm enough for me to blog. What seemed like insurmountable odds a few weeks ago are manageable if I just keep my focus.

Now I'm off to see what everyone in Blogland has been doing while I was gone.

Thanks everyone (and Dave) for coming to see about me:-)